


house of cards

by moonsfics



Category: Kpop - Fandom, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst, F/M, Light Angst, Mild Smut, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-23
Updated: 2019-01-24
Packaged: 2019-08-27 23:46:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 57,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16712338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonsfics/pseuds/moonsfics
Summary: jung hoseok, the hot playboy and dance major form uni seems to be the perfect distraction after two break ups now, but you soon find yourself "distracting" yourself with him time and time again. you're not too worried, of course, because jung hoseok does not catch feelings, and you know better than to fall for someone like him.(the first few chapters will have the smut that was previously written when i first started writing this story back in early 2017, but moving forward the story will most likely have implied smut if any)





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> warning: this is old! LOL
> 
> I started this a couple months after i started The Most Beautiful Moments in Life back in early 2017, so my writing in the first few chapters... oof. Am I too lazy to edit? yes. lol. 
> 
> I decided to post it here because I realized it was one of two series I have not posted on here and I am actually still kind of writing it. I recently moved to a new tumblr account but i've realized I might not post on there anymore (the new account, I will still continue this series on the old account) so I wanted to share it here in case anyone was interested in reading all of my fics in one place instead of looking for them on different accounts. anyways i am a mess :D what else is new! 
> 
> enjoy!   
> ps. the smut ends after a couple chapters cause i got more interested in the plot lol.

It happened once before. You were in high school, you had just turned seventeen and had lost your virginity to your ex-boyfriend two months prior that night. Your ex was a dick. Two weeks after he “popped your cherry”—as he once called the act—he broke up with you. He’d gotten what he wanted after “putting up with you” for six months. Back then you’d vowed to yourself that you wouldn’t let anyone—especially a man—treat you like that ever again.

After the horrible break-up—the two months of you feeling sorry for yourself were also spent closing yourself in the dungeon (also known as your bedroom) and shoving junk food in your mouth, constantly crying and feeling violated and disgusting with yourself—your friends had grown tired of your sorry ass and convinced you to go to a graduation party the previous seniors were going to have. It was a month into summer break and the parties had only started, especially by the newly college freshmen excited to leave high school behind. You were adamant on going, for many reasons, but the main one was fearing having to see Jinyoung there, sucking face with his next victim. Eventually you gave in though, especially after Jungkook and Chaeyoung never failed to be the royalty of pestering. You got up from your bed, got dressed in the best outfit you could find and went to the party.

You were right, of course, Jinyoung was there. Jungkook payed you twenty bucks for winning the bet, which lifted your mood after seeing him there.

As per usual at parties, Chaeyoung was lost to the crowd. She was always popular amongst everyone, and Jungkook and you were used to hanging back and waiting for Jimin and Taehyung to show up and meet up. Jimin was more of a partier than the rest, and Taehyung would occasionally follow, but it was rare. That day was a rare day. You met up with those two for about five minutes before they were lost too. Ten minutes after they left, Jungkook started talking to the girl from his chemistry class he’d been crushing on for over a year, which is where you were left alone.

Your mission was to make yourself blend in with the crowd so Jinyoung wouldn’t find you, so you headed to the kitchen to get yourself a drink, following crowds that were headed there. That’s where you met him.

When they say that someone smiles like the sun, it’s usually a metaphor that tries to explain how big and bright their smile really is. In this case, his smile was like the sun in the sense that it was blinding, and when you looked away, your eyes would still have the imprint of his broad smile in your vision. Like when you look at the sun and you see red spots for minutes after looking away.

He stood there with three of his friends, all as good looking as him, but he stood out the most. His energy radiated out of him in his movements and smile, and when he talked it was loud but not in an obnoxious way. He was just loud, and his voice sounded upbeat and happy. Like this was the best party in the world, and like he was having the time of his life.

To this day, you can’t really decipher how exactly it happened. You weren’t exactly shy, and Jinyoung hadn’t been your first boyfriend so you knew how to flirt. Maybe it was because Jinyoung was there and you wanted to prove to yourself that you were getting better—that you were getting over him. So, when you were getting yourself a drink and he walked over to help you open the bottle of alcohol, you played along. He smiled blindingly at you, so you smiled back. He asked for your name, he told you he was Hoseok but usually went by Hobi. You watched him mix you a drink, and then he started flirting. You started flirting back. Twenty minutes later, he had you bent over a desk in a random bedroom, thrusting so hard into you that you panicked at the orgasm that spread in waves of tingling sensations and bliss because you’d never experienced one. He’d laughed at that, said he found it endearing, but also found it selfish of your ex to have never satisfied you. He gave you a second one "for good luck,” and you never saw him again. He was going to university, and you didn’t  _think_  you’d ever see him again, is more like it.

You didn’t hate yourself for it, neither did you beat yourself up for having a, technically, one night stand. You wanted it, you remember that much, and it felt good. There was no sort of attachment so it felt like a reasonable thing to do—you wouldn’t have to worry about seeing him either.

Four years later, as a junior in university, you heard about him again. You knew it was him because they mentioned his friends—Yoongi, Seokjin, and Namjoon. Jimin and Taehyung knew them from the parties they attended—university had turned them into party people, with the occasional partier Jungkook. And Taehyung was in the basketball team with Yoongi, and Jimin and Jungkook turned out to be in a dance team with Hoseok (they just rarely mentioned their other friends to you). You and Chaeyoung would come along to these parties on occasions, but you mostly focused on school. That was until junior year, when you decided that you should be more social the last two years of university. Have some fun. And when you heard your friends had been hanging out with Hoseok and his friends, curiosity instantly kicked in. You wondered what he looked like. If he was still bright. If he was hotter. If he would remember you.

It was wishful thinking to imagine he’d remember you, and it wasn’t like you were in love with him or something. You just genuinely wanted to know. Memories of that night were vague; the sex was somewhat memorable—you can still recall bits and pieces. You’ve had sex since then, plenty of times. Had a boyfriend, had a few other one night stands. Most of it was good, some was  _really_  good, and had some really bad encounters. You were not hung up on him or anything, but you still wanted to see him, so you agreed to go to the party with your friends.

Now, you’re not so sure you did the right thing, because the second you saw that blinding smile, it was hard to look away.

“Oh my gosh, he’s the guy Brit slept with…” Chaeyoung trails off as the both of you walk deeper into the house. “She said he was the best sex she’s ever had, she’s practically in love with him.”

“Are they together?” you ask curiously.

Chaeyoung snorts, “No. He politely turned her down. She said she couldn’t even hate him because of how nice he was to her.”

“Wow,” is all you say. You remember him being nice, but a player that’s nice seems like the worst combination. You want a fuckboy to be a jerk so it can be easy to hate them, or turn them down, but when a player is nice, how are you supposed to react?

“She said Yoongi is an asshole, but he stopped fucking around when he met his girlfriend. The same for Namjoon, but he was never a dick,” she adds.

“What about Seokjin?”

Chaeyoung shrugs, “He’s had boyfriends, and girlfriends. I think he’s single now though.”

“How exactly do you know all of this?” Taehyung asks as he walks up beside you, narrowing his eyes at your friend.

“Am I wrong?”

Taehyung snorts, “You’re actually not, but I’m curious on how you know this?”

“Jimin.”

Taehyung turns and slaps Jimin in the arm, “Dammit, Jimin! Stop being a fucking gossip or Yoongi is going to kick me out!”

“What, are you in like a fuckboy club or something?”

All three men stare at you making the both of you burst out in laughter. Your friends sleep around here and there, but you wouldn’t call them fuckboys. And they’re definitely not as much players as Hoseok seems to be.

“For your information, Yoongi is the leader of the basketball team, and he’s really strict about brotherhood. You can’t go around talking shit about the other players otherwise you start drama,” Taehyung says with a glare before he takes a sip of his drink.

“Then why are you gossiping only to these two, and not us girls?”

“Brotherhood.”

“Kiss my ass,” Chaeyoung tells him, rolling her eyes. “You’re just bitter I didn’t tell you Lila had a crush on you and you’re taking it on both of us.”

Taehyung points an accusing finger at her, “You told Y/N, but you didn’t tell me.”

You stop listening to their argument as Hoseok and Yoongi walk towards the group, your eyes mainly focused on Hoseok.

He looks different. Broader. His arms look toned under his jumper, and his legs definitely have more muscle under the tight jeans. He’s got the body of a dancer, like Jungkook and Jimin. Whereas Jungkook has more muscle, and Jimin is thicker, Hoseok is lean yet strong. You realize you’d like to watch him dance, as you imagine his movements would be fluid and solid at the same time.

Yoongi clasps a hand on Taehyung’s shoulder. “Hey bud, how’s it going?”

“Oh hey, Yoon. Great, nice party as always.”

“Thanks. How’s it going Jimin, Kook?”

“Good.”

“Awesome.”

“That’s great, you guys want to introduce us to your friends?” Yoongi asks politely, as if he genuinely wants to be introduced to us, and you believe him. He seems like the type to refrain from bullshitting.

“Er, yeah,” Jungkook says, eyeing you carefully. “Park Chaeyoung, Y/N, this is Min Yoongi and Jung Hoseok.”

 _Jung Hoseok_.

You both wave awkwardly as they both say it’s nice to meet you.  _So, he doesn’t remember you_ …

Minutes later, you’re surrounded by their friends, and their girlfriends (and non-girlfriends). Chaeyoung exchanges a look with you, clearly you’ve been ignored by the party boys, so you decide to get more drinks together.

Thirty minutes pass in a blur and you are clearly tipsy. The Hip-Hop/R&B music blasting from the speakers vibrates through the house, and you make your way to the part of the house people have turned into a dance floor. Leaving your drink by a nearby table, sure that you’ll lose it, and scurry through the crowd to start dancing to the song, moving your hips to the beat of the song, back and forth with your hands in the air and your eyes closed. You feel the music vibrate through you, eventually singing along to the bits of the song that have been engraved in your head thanks to the endless airplay on radio.

Suddenly, a pair of large hands run up your sides causing your stomach to drop. A body presses to your back and you stop moving, freezing at the thought of a creep having put his hands on you without permission. His head leans close to yours, his lips just by your ear.

“Don’t stop, it was a good technique,” Hoseok’s husky voice says in your ear, and you just about moan at his tone.

 _Fuck_.

Your breathing falters at his voice, and the gentle squeeze of his hands on your hips—encouraging for you to go on—make your skin burn under the fabric. Your hips start moving again, your behind practically grinding on him while his hands add pressure to your skin as he moves along with you.

After the song ends, his face presses against the crook of your neck. His mouth runs along the base of your neck, the softness of his lips making your skin tingle, and when his tongue darts out to taste the skin there, a low gasp escapes your lips. You’re glad for not only the music that blocks the sound but for the hair on your face that covers your mouth as your lips part.

Reaching behind you with an arm, you cup the back of his neck, encouraging him to go on. You don’t know if it’s because you’re borderline drunk, because you haven’t had sex in months, or because it’s Hoseok and he’s a fucking charm, but you start acting like someone you wouldn’t quite recognize sober. You don’t just start grinding on a random stranger in the middle of a party. That’s not you.  

His bulge is prevalent against your lower back, at the curve of your ass, so you grind a little on him. His lips part against your neck and you feel rather than hear his groan vibrate through your skin, and all the way down to your core.

The song has changed a few times; as this new one starts, you take the opportunity to twist around in his hold. His wide eyes look at you as you shake the hair out of your face and wrap your arms around his neck. Your hips continue to move, at a different pace and rhythm, but there’s suddenly some space between you so he abruptly pulls you against him, his leg parting your legs as yours do the same to his. The feel of his leg against your core sends waves of heat through you that leave you a little dazed, the soft yet stern feeling of his leg adds pressure and makes your focus center at your core.

As your bodies move, you press your leg on his hardness and he lowers his forehead on yours, his hard breathing mirroring your own as dancing continues.

“So, how many more songs before I can fuck you?”

His bluntness makes the pit of your stomach writhe. “I was waiting for you to ask,” you pant, “I’m a lady after all.”

He chuckles, “Of course, and a gentleman has to ask, am I right?”

You nod, wrapping your arms tighter around his neck and pulling him closer. He gives in immediately and leans down to meet your lips. His soft lips are plum between yours, wet and swollen from the assault on your neck. The kiss is rough, no time to be soft as you both move to the song. The desperation grows with each movement, and when his tongue darts out to lick your lips, your tongue follows suit. Taking his tongue into your mouth, the kiss is enough to have you wet between your legs. His hand moves up your body and cradles the back of your head as he kisses you harder, your fingers twist in his hair, tugging lightly.

He finally parts the kiss, tugging your bottom lip between his teeth. As you’re panting, his hooded eyes find yours and he nods behind him—towards the stairs. You nod.

He walks you upstairs by the hand, and when you reach the second landing he takes you to the second door on the left. When walking into the room, you figure it is his. There’s several pictures of him and his friends around, but you don’t have time to really look around before his hands come around your waist and his lips find their way to your neck, kissing and sucking lightly.

“Take off your clothes,” he gravelly asks against your skin in the scruffy high voice of his.

He doesn’t have to ask you twice. You unbutton the satin crop top and throw it on the floor, moaning as his mouth leaves marks on your skin. When your shirt is off, you reach down to unbutton your high waisted jeans and his lips leave your skin as he does the same to his pants.

Your skin burns for his touch as you remove your pants, and when his fingers lightly touch your back to unclasp your bra, your skin tingles in anticipation. When the lacy fabric falls, you turn around to find him in his briefs. His bottom lip is clasped between his teeth, a smirk clearly trying to hide behind it as he looks at you from head to toe.

Your mouth waters at his tanned skin. He’s got a faint six pack, something you’ve never really cared for but find yourself reaching forward to run your fingers up his skin. His skin is hot and hard, and you can’t help but bite your own lip.

“You look thicker,” he says hoarsely. At that you look up at him, confused by his comment. “Plum in all the best parts,” he smirks, his dark eyes looking at your thighs.

Frowning, you look down at your body. You’ve never thought about how your body might’ve changed since high school, but you guess you used to be less thick, as he put it.

“You remember me?” you ask, when you look back at him.

Hoseok smiles, but it looks more like a side grin. “I may sleep around, but I have the decency to remember whom I do that with.”

You don’t have time to comment before he reaches for your face and kisses you again. As intense as before. This time though, instead of moving his hands up, he moves them down. Bending a little, he reaches behind your thighs and hoist you up. You help him by jumping a little and wrapping your arms around his shoulders as you wrap yourself around him, your mouths and tongues still connected.

Your hands snake back into his brunette hair as he walks backwards, and you tug at his hair hard to make a moan escape from his mouth and into yours. The sound, the feeling that vibrates against your chest is so hot, your mouth moans in response. The kissing gets more desperate the nearer he gets to the bed, your hand has to hold on to his shoulder in fear of falling.

Suddenly, you separate for a second as he drops you gently on the bed, but he follows suit fitting himself between your legs again. He looks at you as he crawls between your bent legs, a smirk plastered on his face making you squirm before he’s even touched you.

His large hands run over the side of your thighs as he moves closer. When he reaches the hem of your underwear, he leans down to press his lips there, his eyes never leaving yours. The touch is soft but your skin boils at the contact, your hips bucking to make his lips press harder against your skin.

Your breathing is so hard that you’re sure he can hear it, but you can’t even look away to compose yourself as he kisses up your stomach and towards the space between your breasts. His hands run along your sides as slowly as he makes his way up your body, your legs shaking to close together as they press against his sides. Your insides burn deeper with each press of his lips to your skin, but when his tongue darts out between your breasts, a soft moan escapes your lips.

He chuckles, the vibration running through you again and it’s so hot, you didn’t think you could be any wetter for him, but you were wrong.

“Clearly a lady,” he says gravely as his fingertips dance lightly over your stomach, until they reach the curve of one of your breasts and pinches it, making you gasp an inaudible moan.

“Fuck, that was hot,” he says before leaning down to take the nipple of your other breast between his lips, sucking lightly. You wriggle under his touch, you stop fisting the sheets under you to lose your fingers in his hair, pulling at it but also pushing him to suck harder. His tongue darts out to press on your hard, sensitive nipple, making you moan loudly and pushing your chest up towards him. And when his teeth take the tip between it and squeeze, you let out a little satisfied shout that makes you tug his hair hard. Your hips buck up to grind against him and he moans against your breast.

His hardness is still there, impossibly more so now as he grinds down on you, his bulge pressing against your most sensitive parts, making you whimper.

“ _Hoseok_ ,” you plea as you pull his head away from your breasts.

“Alright, no more teasing. I am a gentleman after all,” he croaks as he leans his body all the way down on top of you.

You laugh a little before reaching up the rest of the way to kiss him. The kiss is urgent as he reaches between you to pull down on your panties. Reaching between you, you cup his hardness, squeezing lightly and catching a deep groan that escape his lips. The sound is so hot you’re sure he will slip inside you without issue at this point.

When both your remaining undergarments are gone, he finds his spot again, but before he can hide himself inside you, you push him over onto the bed to straddle him.

He looks surprised at the movement, a little alarmed even. But when you reach down to kiss him, his smile returns, this time it’s  _the_  smile. The blinding one, and you’re a little taken aback, but he is unaware of it as he reaches the rest of the way up to kiss you.

His hands spread over your thighs and squeeze lightly, and when you grind over his lower abdomen, the tip of his hard member presses against you. Swallowing another loud moan from him as you kiss does it. Reaching behind you, you slowly guide him into you. The stretch around him is slow, the feeling almost foreign as It’s been a while.

A whine leaves your body as you allow him in deeper, a grunt from his lips replying to yours.

When he’s comfortably inside, a sudden surge of panic spreads through you.

“Fuck, Hoseok, we forgot the-”

“Shit… please tell me you’re on the pill,” he whispers against your lips.

“I-I am but, I don’t know…”

“Fuck, Y/N, I don’t think I can pull completely out right now, you feel so fucking good around me. So fucking tight,” he gravely moans the last part, his eyes fluttering close as he bucks his hips a little causing you to whimper. “B-but I’ll do it if you want me to…” he trails off in a whisper.

You swallow hard, moving your face a little away from him, which is a big mistake as your hips move with you and the small slide of friction it causes makes you whimper again.

“ _Fuck_ … I’m going to assume you’re clean?”

“I’ve only fucked my ex without a rubber, and she was clean,” he assures, his hands squeezing the skin on your thighs, burning his touch into your skin.

You nod, your eyes already closed at the feeling you get by having him inside you. You start moving slowly, your hips rolling as he pumps in and out of you.

“Fuck, why are you being so slow,” he groans as he runs his hands over your skin and towards your ass.

Groaning, you say, “It’s been a while.”

He nods, but the look on his face tells you this is torture for him. So, you start moving a little faster, your hands gripping his shoulders for balance.

“Fuck, yeah, like that,” he moans, “you’re so tight.”

“You feel so fucking good,” you moan, fingers digging into his hot skin. Your own skin is scorching at the friction, of the feel of his thickness inside you. You didn’t get a good look, but at the way you stretched around him, you could feel the thickness. The pit of your stomach rolls inside, slowly building.  

He squeezes one of your ass cheeks while he grips your hip with the other hand, guiding you a little faster. He lightly spanks you and a little “ _Oah_!” leaves your lips.

You can feel yourself building up with every buck of his hips that cause him to reach deeper inside.

You lean down to kiss him quickly, biting his bottom lip before sitting up, giving him better access. His hand leaves your behind, and even though you’re a little disappointed, you need his hand to keep balance as he grips it. With this angle he reaches deeper, pressing against your walls.

“Oh gosh,  _fuck_. That feels so good.”

“You feel so good too, baby,” he grunts as he almost pulls all the way out, only to have you take him back in at full force, a wave of dizziness spreads over you at the pleasure of him hitting your walls.

The movements become faster, more desperate. His other hand leaves your hip and finds its way between your moving bodies, his finger finds your clit and starts circling with the pad of his index finger, the movement slow at first. The n he starts pressing and moving faster. The touch at the sensitive spot surges pleasure through you, so much you lose balance and fall on him. Still, his finger doesn’t stop its movement as you find your way up his neck, licking and biting, moaning in between. His hot skin pressed against you is overwhelming, and the way your hard nipples rub against his hard chest cause moans to leave both our bodies.

“Like that,” you groan before sinking your teeth on his ear, earning a low grunt from him.

You feel yourself reaching your peek, and as he bucks his hips at an angle, reaching your g-spot, you groan loudly.

“ _C'mon_ ,  _baby_ , come for me, I can’t hold on any longer,” he groans, his words twisting your insides.

“Fuck, a little harder,” you plea. He takes that as an opportunity to flip you over, his hand never leaving your clit. When he thrust inside you once more, this time harder than before, a loud grunt vibrates against your breasts before it leaves his lips and your little high pitched moan meets his grunt. You open your eyes to look where your bodies collide and are met by the way his large hand moves, his fingers torturing your all the nerves that meet in your clit. His hips roll steadily but quickly, the muscles in his abdomen prominently glistening with sweat.

You look up and find his grin, the encouragement in it causing your hips to buck up to meet his faster, and rougher. He leans down to take one of your breasts in his mouth and his tongue starts towing with it, and that makes the build up inside you heighten. He moans into your skin as your nails dig into the skin of his shoulders, mirrored by a moan from you.

You wrap your legs around him, pulling him closer, and with another flick to your clit, your walls tense around him, your orgasm hitting you in waves, “I-I’m com-  _ahhh!_ ”

“Fuck, that’s it,” he moans above you. “Fuck you look so good coming, I regret having fucked you facing away that first time.”

You manage to laugh a little between the waves of pleasure, your arms around his neck loosening as your limps bask in the high, in the waves of tingling pleasure running through your body.

He continues to move above you, thrusting inside you quicker than before, until he reaches his peak and a low series of grunts and slurs leave his lips, followed by his face burying in your neck. He continues to move for a little bit, working his way down his high as yours ends, leaving you with curled toes and limp, but satisfied muscles. His lips continue to move over your neck, leaving kisses and small suctions.

When you’ve both stopped panting, and regained your breathing, he slips out and stands to get his clothes. He hands you your own as you stand. You whisper a small thank you before dressing. You’re silent during the process, but it’s not awkward.

Finally, when you’re done dressing and your shoes are back on, you turn to smile at him. “Thanks Hoseok, this was… nice,” you say with a small laugh.

He chuckles as he pulls over his jumper, “I’d say it was more than nice.” Hoseok moves closer to you, cups your jaw and reaches down to peck your lips. “Thank you, and it was nice seeing you again though.”

“You too,” you whisper as he steps away and walks towards the door.

“See you around, Plum.” The door falls close behind him and that’s when you know you’ve fucked up.

Because you feel a little bit of shame at being left behind in his room, right after fucking.

Shaking your head, you brush your fingers through your hair and walk out, for the first time ever with some shame. You quickly head to the nearest bathroom to clean yourself up before heading downstairs.

Downstairs you find Chaeyoung talking to a pretty blonde girl so you don’t interrupt her and try looking for your other friends. You begin to give up, when finally, Jungkook spots you and walks over.

“Hey, where the hell have you been? I thought-“ he says, a confused look on his face as he blinks at you. For a beat you grow nervous,  _can he tell I just had sex?_

“What?” you ask as you start walking towards the kitchen for a drink, hoping this will allow him to stop examining you.

Entering the room was a clear mistake as Hoseok and Seokjin stand there talking to two girls who are practically throwing themselves at them. Hoseok notices you and smiles that blinding smile, and a part of you really wants to hate him. After mastering the best smile you can give him, you turn away to grab a beer and return to Jungkook.

“Will you stop leaving when I am trying to talk to you?” he says, his tone a little panicked.

With a frown, “What the fuck is wrong with you?” you ask, taking a sip of your drink, “Did something happen?”

“Yeah,” he nods repeatedly, eyes wide. “Yugyeom is here.”

Your heart drops, the beer in your hand almost slipping from your hands.

 _Yugyeom? At a party?_  He was never into these things, he always argued he had better things to do than party. You haven’t seen him since the breakup, which was four months ago.

You suddenly need to get out of here. You feel as if you have taken a time machine to the past, except in this past there is a little shame in you after what you did, when in the real past there was none.

Jungkook takes the drink away from you and places it behind you on the counter. “C’mon, Jimin and I will take you back home.”

Nodding, as it’s the only thing you can do as the pain you thought was gone comes back like an echo, you agree. You don’t  _actually_  hurt, but you remember the hurting, the confusion, the uncertainty. Yugyeom was good to you, until he wasn’t, and he broke your heart. You did everything to get better, but seeing him would still bring up the questions that haunted you for nights—questions you never got answers to.

Jungkook guides you out with an arm around your shoulders until finding Jimin outside, who takes your hand and your friends walk you home.  _At least I don’t do the walk of shame alone._

* * *

 

With the basket securely placed in your arms, you shout a goodbye to Taehyung as he drives off in his car and leaves you by the laundromat. Usually, you do laundry at the apartment building you live, where you share a place with Chaeyoung, and where the three idiot guy friends happen to be your neighbors, but the building’s laundry room has been closed for a week. Something about the water pipes. To be honest you must admit you weren’t paying attention to the landlord talking because Jimin and Jungkook were sharing stories about their previous night in the group chat—it was getting good. 

You haven’t done laundry at a laundromat since you were dorming at school two years ago, but it’s not that different from the one at the apartment building so you’re not worried. After finding the place mostly empty for a Thursday night, you easily choose three washing machines to place the clothes in. Once everything is set and washing, you turn to one of the folding stations but stop in your tracks. Hoseok stands by a washing machine on the next isle, his hand waving with that blinding smile across his face. 

_What the fuck?_

Awkwardly, you raise an arm and wave, an equally awkward smile spreading over your face. You continue to the folding table, quickly, taking out earphones and plopping yourself up. Browsing through the different playlists you finally choose the one with hip-hop/r&b songs. When the first song plays you realize you’ve made a mistake. It’s the song you danced to with Hoseok and the second your stomach turns at the memory of his body pressed against yours, you pull the earphones off and shove them into the bag. 

 _I’ll just read_ , you tell yourself as you rummage through the laundry bag for the Contemporary Film class assigned book and some highlighters. 

It’s been three weeks since that party. There’s been a few other parties but you wanted to get ahead on assignments knowing very well that everything would pile up before midterms, even worse when finals get near. You’ve wanted to go to the parties, in part because you wanted to see Hoseok again. You could use a stress reliever, and he’s a good one. But in the end, you convinced yourself not to go by promising to go to future parties after this week ends. 

You’re not entirely sure why you feel so awkward after seeing Hoseok. Possibly because you felt shame after what happened, but it’s likely the shame stemmed from the fact that you had sex in his room and he’d left you alone only to go back to the party and find someone else to flirt with. You were not necessarily upset about him flirting with someone else, it was more the fact that it was right after, as if nothing had happened.

There’s been a few times you’ve thought about that night, you hadn’t had sex in a while, and it’s not like it wasn’t memorable. He’s good at what he does. But the more you thought about that night the more you thought about Yugyeom. What would he had done had he seen you leave Hoseok’s room? Would he had come up and said something? His forte is saying nothing, so probably not.  _Most_  likely no. It’s strange though, how Hoseok has been your one night stand after a terrible breakup twice now.  _Would he even be considered a one night stand? Would what happened with Yugyeom be considered a terrible break up?_

 _I don’t know at this point_. 

You high light and make notes on the chapter on Scorsese, jotting down the films you could possibly watch for homework and for the research paper, and as you turn the page you see a body stand before you. A long finger comes to poke over your knee, then slowly turn up to find Hoseok smiling. 

“Hey!” he greets excitedly.  _He’s doing laundry, how is he this happy about it?_

“Um, hey Hoseok,” you say, mastering as happiest a smile as possible. 

He moves to jump up next to you on the table. You take that time to look him over. He’s wearing a black jumper, a red beanie covering up his dark hair, and black jeans that smooth over his long and toned legs. His ears fold a little because of the beanie and you find yourself smiling a little at the sight of it.

“How have you been, Y/N?" 

"I’ve been alright, you?" 

He nods, "Good too. Haven’t seen you in a while. I didn’t know you were friends with Jungkook, Jimin, and Taehyung." 

You laugh a little, "Yeah, well I don’t think either of us knew we go to the same school as well." 

"True,” he agrees, a little laugh leaving his lips. “How come you haven’t been to any more parties?" 

"I’m not huge on parties. I rarely go, but recently I’ve been trying to get ahead on assignments." 

He nods as if understanding or knowing the feeling. "Been there. When I used to take general education classes I tended to do that.”

“That’s right, you’re now only taking dance classes, right?" 

He grins that blinding smile and you have to look away, "Yeah I am. Now my homework consists of practicing and doing laundry because of the clothes I dirty in expense of those classes,” he says with a short laugh. 

“Right,” you say, your voice breathy. 

He stares at you, his dark brown eyes looking over your face. Your cheeks flush at the scrutiny, so you look down at your hands and notice the time on the watch. “Oh shit, I have to add fabric softener because these washing machines are ancient." 

You hear him say a small "okay” as you hop off and walk over to the machines.

When you return to the spot, he’s gone, and you look around to find him adding a batch of clothes to a dryer. He must’ve already started drying one as he leaves his little cart in between two dryers, leaving his backpack inside it. 

Taking his seat next to you again, he points to the text book, “What are you majoring in?" 

"Film studies." 

Hoseok raises an eyebrow, "You want to work in films or talk about them?”

You smile at the idea of working in films. That’d be great, but you’ve never thought that you have much of an eye for directing or producing. You’ve filmed and edited short videos here and there, but that’s been more of a hobby. Mostly, your time is spent watching them. “I’d like to talk about them. Hope to be a film critic in the future." 

His long fingers scratch at his jaw as he contemplates what you’ve said. "Like in a newspaper? Or a blog?" 

"I had a blog for a while, but I stopped when I decided to join the school paper. I wouldn’t say no to either though. I do think that we’re becoming a more digital society, so by the time I graduate I will most likely end up working on an online blog or magazine. Hopefully a prestigious one,” you add with a short laugh. If you end up only talking about films in the lame little blog, that won’t be much progress. 

“Wait, so you write reviews for the school paper?” You nod. “Shit. I never read it, but now I’m curious,” he adds with a smile. 

“Hope you’re not disappointed." 

"Couldn’t possibly, I don’t know shit about film, you might just teach me a thing or two." 

"What’s your favorite movie?” you ask him. 

Hoseok narrows his eyes, “I’m not sure I should answer. I think you will use this to judge whether you should even continue talking to me…”

A side, mischievous smile spreads over your lips, “Possibly…" 

He dramatically closes his eyes and leans back on the half wall behind him. "Fine… just  _don’t_ laugh.”

“I wouldn’t dare,” you say, already a giddy smile on your face at the anticipation of knowing his favorite movie. 

“It's  _Bridesmaids_." 

You can’t help the laugh that leaves your lips and quickly cover up your mouth with a hand as he points an accusing finger at you. 

"You  _promised_!" 

"I’m sorry! I’m not laughing at you, per se, I just thought it’d be something really bad,” you admit between a fit of laughter. 

“What did you think I would say?” he asks, a wide grin spreading over his face. 

“I don’t know! Maybe  _Scary Movie_  or something generic like  _Titanic_ or  _The Notebook._ ”

He pokes your side, making you jump a little, “Hey!  _The Notebook_  is a masterpiece!”

“ _The Notebook_  is actual shit!” you argue between laughs, “Not to mention that the author just tells the same story over and over. All of the films based on his books are the same thing, and I can’t believe I actually wasted my precious time watching some of them!" 

"You’re just a stuck-up film critic,” he says, shaking his head disapprovingly. 

“Hey, I just know a good film when I see it.  _Bridesmaids_  isn’t bad though, it’s one of my favorites too. At least you didn’t say  _Step Up_ ,” you add with a teasing grin. 

Another eyebrow raise, the challenge clear in his demeanor as his tongue presses against his cheek. “Look, just because I’m a dancer does not mean I am going to say  _Step Up_ , but those films should be appreciated for the awesome dancing, everything else in it sucks." 

"Agreed,” you say with a smile, at which he grins back.

You excuse yourself once again after checking on your watch and realize your clothes are ready to dry. When you return, he’s adding another load to dry as well, it seems he starts his machines at different times. That would drive you crazy. If you don’t have them drying at the same time you would be here longer than you have to. 

Once at the table, you put the textbook away and search through the bag for your small tablet, hoping to get started on one of the films you downloaded. 

"Hey,” Hoseok suddenly says, standing beside you as he leans on the table and gives you a warm smile. 

“Yeah?” you say, taking out the tablet. 

“You’re going to be busy with that, or can I ask something?" 

You grin up at him, with a little eye roll to top it off. "You can ask Hoseok, I’m only turning it on." 

"Well, I wish you wouldn’t,” he whispers as he’s taking a step closer to you. His hand suddenly comes to rest on your lower back, sending a little shock to run up your spine. 

Gulping, you look up at him slowly. The amusement is still glinting in his eyes, but his expression has grown serious, his teeth kneading over his bottom lip. His other hand reaches for the tablet in your hands and smoothly makes it fall from them to drop it inside your bag. 

“Can I take a little bit of your time?” he asks, his breath fanning over your face as he steps closer. A side grin spreading over his mouth. 

Sighing deeply, and unable to hide the smile on your face, you look around the place. There’s several other people here, is he mad? “Hoseok, where exactly-” he doesn’t even let you finish before he grabs both yours and his bag in one of his hands and drags you with the other along with him to the back of the laundromat. 

He opens the door to the female restrooms and once you step inside, he locks the door and throws your bags on the floor. 

“Um, Hoseok, what if someone needs to come in?”

He turns, a short smile staring back. “You didn’t notice? Only men are left. You’re the only woman on the premises. I’m surprised no one came to you right away.”

“Well I don’t think you’ve noticed, but I’m not exactly approachable,” you add with a raise of a brow. 

Taking several steps towards you, he says in a husky voice that sends goosebumps to run up your arms and neck, “I seem to be able to approach you just fine,  _Plum_." 

His words cause a tingle to run up your spine, and the stare he gives you makes your mouth water at the images it inspires. 

Before you can brace yourself for Hoseok’s abrupt actions, he has an arm around you while a hand snakes behind the back of your neck to tilt your head up while your back crashes against the chipped painted wall. His mouth finds yours and he wastes no time in deepening the kiss, tongues pressing together in a heated kiss right away.  

The arm around you moves down until his palm grips and squeezes one of your ass cheeks, the action pulling you against him—and the erection pressing tightly to his jeans pressing against you. You find your way up to his neck with your fingers, pulling him closer by tugging at the hairs at the nape of his neck under the beanie, earning a moan from him that just about has your insides twisting. 

Hoseok pulls back from the kiss with your bottom lip trapped between his teeth, a hooded look staring straight at you as he slowly let’s go of it. 

"Fuck, I wanted to do that the second I saw you,” he whispers in a hoarse voice between deep breaths. 

Your eyes roam down his face until they find his swollen full lips. “Why didn’t you?” you finally ask. 

“I would’ve given anything to bend you over one of those folding tables, but I wasn’t sure you wanted it. You seemed… put off by seeing me at first.” He leans closer as he says this, his hand running down from your neck slowly, leaving goosebumps where he touches you. The heat of his hand burns through the fabric of your shirt until he digs his fingers onto your hip and pulls you impossibly closer to him. The heat of his hand travels to pool at your center, your body leaning off the wall to push against his, wanting to be closer.

“I wasn’t put off… I just wasn’t sure how to approach your… how could you put it…” you trailed off as Hoseok’s hand trails around your hip and inch closer to the buttons on your shorts. “… enthusiasm." 

He grins before leaning forward to peck your lips. "So, you’d say you wouldn’t have turned down my previous plan?” He asks as he steps forward, pressing you impossibly tighter between him and the wall. His face leans down, his mouth inches away from yours with his hot breath inviting you to inch closer. 

“No,” you mumble, “I would’ve welcomed it." 

"Then how come you haven’t come to any more parties?" 

 _So, he would’ve wanted me to be there?_  And he would’ve wanted to hook up. Suddenly you regret pleasing your rational side, instead of pleasing what you should’ve been pleasing. 

Hoseok’s fingers carefully unbutton your shorts, taking the zipper down as he separates the fabric, but before he nears your underwear, his fingers feather their way under your shirt. He tickles the skin by your hipbone, not venturing upwards and much less lower. You squirm in his touch, a little whimper leaving your lips at his soft yet burning digits, wanting nothing more than for him to touch you. You lean forward to kiss him but he leans back, raising an eyebrow, and that’s when you realize he’s waiting for an answer to the question you’d forgotten he’d asked before his hand distracted you. 

"I was being honest when I said it was homework, Hoseok,” you whisper, your voice a little needy and not as collected as you wish you sounded while he has his hands on you. 

"Then how come you left so quickly after? I thought maybe you regretted it, and then you decided to ignore me." 

You can’t speak as he has ventures his hand lower. Finally, his large fingers tug at your panties and your breath hitches in your throat. You’re so wet already, his husky voice making the pit of your stomach burn every time he tries to distract you by asking a question. 

"Hoseok,” you whimper, bucking towards his hand and leaning your head back on the wall. 

He leans down, his lips right by your ear, and he whispers, “Answer me, please Plum?” Goosebumps run up your skin and you instinctively buck up towards him again. 

“I don’t want to say it right now, but it has nothing to do with you, I promise.” You tilt your head to give him access to your neck, a silent request for him to meet the skin there. 

“Will you tell me later then?" 

"Yes… please Hoseok?" 

He chuckles, the sound vibrating through his chest and vibrating against your own before he leans away. His lips, almost feather like, move along your jaw and down your neck, your breath becoming heavy and broken with each touch of his lips to your skin. It’s become so hot in the confines of his body and the wall, every touch from him sparking a heat that runs through your skin, until it settles at the pit of your stomach—causing your hips to buck up to his hand with every touch, trying to move him further down. His hand is still teasing by the hem of your panties, but his lips begin to peck kisses along your throat, and at the crook of your neck. 

” _Hoseok_ …“ you whimper, your skin is burning at his touch and the need to have him touch you. Your voice is so needy that he chuckles again, but this time he complies to your desires and begins trailing his fingers inside your panties. 

A loud gasp leaves your lips as he tenderly bites on the crook of your neck, but it’s followed by the touch of his fingers touching over your folds, like a quiet touch trying to familiarize. You push down against his touch, whimpering his name once more.

“Fuck, Plum, you’re so wet for me already,” he mutters against your skin, making you squirm in his touch.

Gosh, you wish he’d stop teasing you. 

He stops his movements right before they’re getting closer to where you want him, only to reach back from your neck and give you a side smirk. 

Through haltered breathing you manage to moan a simple, "Stop messing with me Hoseok, and fuck me already." 

Hoseok grins,  _that_  grin, causing a small sound to leave your lips, but he muffles it with his own lips. The kiss is deep right away, and you moan as his tongue finds yours the second he dips the tip of his index finger inside you, your hips pushing against his touch. 

He doesn’t allow you to vocalize the moans that follow as he continues to kiss in slow deep moves as his finger slowly finds its way deeper inside you. 

You manage to bite down on his lip and part the kiss for a beat to mumble, ” _Hobi_ , harder.“ 

His dark eyes give you a look that sends a shock down to your core. When he leans back down to kiss along your jaw his finger pulls out suddenly, only to thrust back inside in a quick move. You moan into his shoulder as he kisses sloppily down your neck, his finger pumping into you for a few seconds before he adds another finger. 

The length of his long digits allow him a kind of deep access inside you, your legs keep trying to close around him. Hoseok moves to part yours legs with his between them, his mouth and teeth working at your neck as you continue to moan and whimper against him. You pull him closer to your neck by tugging at his hair, moans leaving his throat so hot you moan with him.

You feel your insides burning with buildup, you know you’re close but you don’t want to be. You want him to continue this for as long as he can. But he realizes you’re close with the inaudible moans you start making, and he takes the opportunity to sneak another finger inside, making you gasp out a "Yes, faster!" 

"Fuck, come on Plum, I know you’re close baby." 

His thump ventures up to find your clit, and the second he finds the small bud of nerves a wave of pleasure moves to your core. 

“You’re so good, fuck your noises could make come alone, Plum.”

Your teeth bite down on his shoulder, but as his pumping gets faster, the sound of your wetness and his flesh causing friction with yours becomes louder when he moves back so you have to move from biting him to hear it. Your eyes keep fluttering close and opening back up at his movements, at the pressing of your clit, the tugging and the pumping, but you can see him watching you with his bottom lip trapped between his teeth. 

You feel it so close, and as he pumps a little faster, his face leaning a little closer to yours, and he whispers, "Keep your eyes open, Plum." His fingers bend inside you, reaching new angles , twisting while they’re inside you and pushing you further closer. The build up peaking as his fingers move faster. “I can feel you’re close, come on baby.”

His words make their way to your ears just as the orgasms comes to you in waves, your thighs loosening and buckling between his. "Fuck, Hoseok, I-” you shout a loud moan as you come.

You manage to keep your eyes open and look at him, his eyes boring into yours as you moan and whimper almost inaudibly. 

Hoseok holds you up with his other arm around your waist, his fingers continuing their movement at a slower pace now as he works you down your orgasm. He leans down to find your lips, kissing you softly before licking your bottom lip. His tongue catches your moans and whimpers, the deepening of the kiss soothing your nerves and the tingling of the orgasm.

He pulls his hand out as you’ve calmed, his fingers being immediately clasped between his lips to taste you. 

“Hmm, you taste good Plum,” he mutters between a finger still in his mouth and your skin tingles at the hooded look on his face as he licks you off his fingers. 

Your hands fall from tugging at his hair and you find your way to his chest, gripping the fabric there to pull him down to you. You kiss him softly, tasting yourself against his tongue and his lips. Hoseok presses against you and you can feel he is hard as a rock over your abdomen. 

One hand travels up and around his neck to pull him closer while the other runs over his toned chest and towards his belt. 

“No hands stuff anymore, I need to be inside you,” he mutters against your lips, the pit of your stomach churning and your panties soiling once more. 

Before you can nod in agreement though, his phone goes off from his back pocket. He groans as he pulls back. 

“Don’t answer,” you tell him as he reaches back for it. 

Hoseok gives you an apologetic smile, “I have to Plum, I was asked if I could be called in at the dance studio I work at incase one of the dancers can’t make it. We’re still students so we sometimes get injured at workshops." 

You nod but continue the tugging at his hair. 

"Hey, what’s up?" 

You hear a muffled voice worryingly talking to Hoseok on the other side, his expression softening and slowly frowning at the person’s words. 

"I see… yeah… is he going to be okay?" 

Hoseok turns to look at you. He reaches forward with his empty hand to tug your messy hair behind your ear. "Yeah, I know his routine, and I’m familiar with the dance he’s teaching them." 

Your heart sinks at the idea of Hoseok leaving, and he can see it in your eyes when he looks at you and gives you a side apologetic smile, his thumb runs over your bottom lip. You’re enjoying this too much, and although you just had an amazing orgasm, you’re not done relieving all the pent-up stress inside. You want him to fuck you, really badly. 

Whom you believe to be Hoseok’s manager continues talking for a minute or two, until he finally hangs up and with a sigh puts his phone away. 

"I have to go, Y/N. I wish I had a few more minutes but I still need to get my clothes." 

"I understand,” you say with another nod as he steps away from you. He smiles lightly as he reaches with a hand behind his neck and scratches at his head. 

“I can’t continue to look at you if I want our friend here to calm down,” he says jokingly gesturing to his crotch, causing you to laugh. 

You button up your shorts but Hoseok stops you before you reach for the zipper. You think maybe he changed his mind but instead he lets go of it and heads to the door. 

“Wait here." 

Leaving you with a confused look on your face, Hoseok steps out, only to come back a couple minutes later with one of your clean panties and a new pair of shorts. "I hope you don’t mind I went through your clothes?” he says with a side smile. 

Shaking your head, you reach for the new clothes with a grateful smile. Hoseok takes your discarded panties before you pull on the new ones and walks over to wet them with some water. You look confused at his action, before he walks back and gestures to where he was touching you and made a mess with his fingers. “Last time I didn’t even clean you after, I’m sorry. I’m not usually that distracted but I had shit going on. Maybe I’ll tell you later, when you tell me yours?”

You take the fabric from him, nodding. “It’s a deal." 

"Plus, you still owe me one,” he says with a wink. He leans quickly to peck your lips before he walks towards the door as you start cleaning yourself quickly. “I’ll see you later, Plum." 

You smile at him as you pull on our fresh underwear, realizing that this went a lot better than the first time. Well, the second time, this now being your third with Jung Hoseok.


	2. two

As you make your way into your apartment, the delicious and mouthwatering smell of freshly made instant ramen enters your nose and makes saliva fill your mouth. 

“Honey, I’m home!” you shout in the direction of the small kitchen as you drop your backpack off on the couch and slip off your flannel. 

“Dinner is ready!” The voices of Chaeyoung, Jungkook, and Taehyung shout back at you. 

“Where’s Jimin?” you ask as you enter the room. “Still at practice?" 

"Nah,” Jungkook says through a mouth full of ramen. “He has a quiz tomorrow,” is what you think he says between his chewing. 

You take the stool between Taehyung and Chaeyoung, smiling as she passes you a ramen cup with filled water. 

“I just poured it; about two minutes before you came in." 

She knows how you like your ramen undercooked, she would need to after years of friendship and living together. 

"Oh, by the way Christina,” Jungkook says, giving you the nickname he blessed you with after you began watching  _Grey’s Anatomy_  with him and he concluded that you’re in fact his “person” but should never repeat it in front of the guys, much less Chaeyoung who would probably beat him if she knew he’s been calling her best friend his “person,” “Hoseok asked for your number, is it okay if I give it to him?" 

Your eyes widen at his question and you almost drop the boiling hot water resting on your spoon all over your legs. "Umm, he asked for my number?”

“Yeah." 

"Why the hell does Jung Hoseok want your number, babe?” Chaeyoung asks, giving you a knowing look. The look of,  _“if you lie to me about this I’ll see it all over your face."_

"Umm… we hooked up.”

Everyone collectively chokes on their food. 

“You did  _not_!! Please tell me you didn’t, my god I’m in a team with him Y/N!” Jungkook protests. 

“Look, sorry but we actually hooked up when I was in high school and he was going to be a freshman in college… but then we hooked up again at the party at his house…" you trail off, finally taking a bite of your food and hoping that they can’t tell you’re keeping something. But you can feel them all staring you. 

Taehyung clears his throat. "Please go on.”

“Yes, please do,” Chaeyoung adds with a raise of her brow.

“And… at the laundromat yesterday.”

“Are you  _fucking_  kidding me?!" 

"Well that’s gross,” Taehyung adds before taking a bite of his food. 

“Was he as good as they say he is?" 

” _Chaeyoung_!“ the two guys shout. 

"What, I’m curious!”

“Well, we don’t want to  _fucking_  know!”

You smirk at Chaeyoung and whisper, “I’ll tell you later.”

“Can’t believe you hadn’t yet!!" she whispers back.

"We can still hear you!” Taehyung warns. 

You both snicker but quiet down about Jung Hoseok, instead talk to the guys about their week after they ask about yours.

Before they’re headed to their apartment after dinner, you catch up to Jungkook at the door. 

“Hey, can I have Hoseok’s number?" 

He glares at you but pulls out his phone. "Please try not to cause drama with him. I don’t want problems with him and the guys." 

"Jungkook, I’m not a child.”

He sighs with a roll of his eyes, “I know that Y/N, but things with you and Yugyeom are weird, and I just don’t want him to start something." 

"Why would he? He doesn’t care." 

Jungkook’s eyes widen a fraction before he looks away from you and focuses on his phone. 

Your stomach twists at the sudden reaction he has. "Jungkook, what is it? What did you hear?" 

Your friend tries really hard not to look at you, but finally he says, "He was actually looking for you at that party." 

Your stomach drops. 

"Why?”

“We don’t know. We just got you out." 

"Oh." You wonder if his looking for you could be a good thing. Maybe you’d finally get some answers, the answers you need to get full closure. The uncertainty and the confusion about what went wrong between you two has never allowed you to fully put Yugyeom behind you, no matter how much you remind yourself you have zero feelings for him.

"Just… be careful okay. Hoseok may be nice, but he is still a player. And Yugyeom is an asshole." 

"I know,” you say reaching for his phone to get Hoseok’s digits despite your full knowledge on who Jung Hoseok is.

You owe him one after all. 

After getting ready for the night, and comfortably tucked in your bed, you grab your phone from the side table to type a text to Hoseok. 

> **You:**   _Jung Hoseok?_  [10:05pm] 
> 
> **Hoseok:**   _stranger who is texting to my phone number_? [10:05pm] 
> 
> **You:**   _it’s Y/N_  [10:05pm]
> 
> **Hoseok:**   _ahhh, Plum. I see you went for texting me first instead of letting Jungkook give me your # ;)._ [10:07pm] 
> 
> **You:**   _jungkook was here so I just thought it’d be easier. Why did you want my number?_ [10:10pm] 
> 
> **Hoseok:**   _i see. And we’re having a party tomorrow, I wanted to invite you myself ;)_ [10:11pm] 
> 
> **You:**   _hmm, I guess I could use a break from studying and homework and go to this party of yours… I’m not huge on parties though, so I think I need more convincing._ [10:15pm] 

You bite down on your lip as you press send on the text, hoping he catches on to what you want him to confirm will happen if you go to this party.

> **Hoseok:**   _hmm, I thought it was obvious that “party” means, “do you want to come over and fuck?”_  [10:16pm] 
> 
> **You:**   _censorship isn’t necessary after the third orgasm you’ve given me, don’t you think?_ [10:17pm] 
> 
> **Hoseok:**   _isn’t it 4 orgasms? I recall the first time being two…_ [10:18pm] 

The smile on your face at realizing that he in fact is right cannot be helped.

> **You:**   _ahh, true. Only a gentleman would remember._  [10:18pm]
> 
> **Hoseok:**   _I’m as gentle as they come, milady._ [10:19pm] 
> 
> **You:**   _wow… now I’m worried lol_  [10:19pm] 
> 
> **Hoseok:**   _yeah I can see why ;). So I’ll see you tomorrow, Plum?_  [10:19pm]
> 
> **You:**   _you will, Hobi._ [10:20pm]
> 
> **Hoseok:**   _by the way, when you called me that through your moaning and squirming, it was hot as fuck. Goodnight ;)_  [10:20pm]
> 
> **You:**   _Goodnight, Hobi ;)_  [10:20pm]

_Can’t believe he really just said that,_ you smile to yourself, biting your lip before turning over to sleep.  

* * *

 

You had to be honest with yourself and admit that the only reason you even came to this party is Hoseok and the aspect of hooking up. Other than that, nothing really interests you. Your friends are lost within 5 minutes, even Jungkook, and you are left to find your way to the kitchen to find something to drink. Hoseok isn’t there, but you know he won’t be difficult to find with his loud voice and demeanor, plus you have his phone number now. 

With a drink in hand, you walk past the kitchen and head towards then stairs, stopping yourself when you realize Hoseok could be hooking up with someone right now, and as awkward and borderline gross you realize it would be to meet up to hook up with him right after, you opt to stay downstairs. 

 _If he was with someone, maybe I should go_. 

You aren’t that person. You have never been that person—a person picked out of a lineup of hookup possibilities.

And it’s not that you’d date Hoseok, that’s probably not his thing, and to be honest you’re not sure you’re at the place to start dating. But you have also never really done this hook up thing, especially not with someone who is most likely sleeping with other people while sleeping with you. 

Stepping out onto the front yard, you decide to come out and get some fresh air. When you’re halfway through your drink. A light tap is felt on your shoulder. You turn expecting to find Hoseok, but are met with Yugyeom towering over you with a grim expression on his face. 

The drink suddenly threatens to climb back up your throat and spill out. 

“Hey,” he whispers, his hands retracting into the pockets of his jeans. 

“Y-Yugyeom? What are you doing at a party?" 

He studies your face for a beat before shrugging, his eyes looking away from you to look around him. "Been coming to a few. Thought I’d try it out. It’s not so bad." 

You frown at his words. For someone who trashed talked parties and party-goers like your friends, he abruptly had a change of heart. 

"Ah,” is all you say and take a long sip of your drink, any excuse to look away from him and stop the uncomfortable feeling in your stomach.

“I thought we could talk?" 

You stare at him. He never wanted to talk, and now he does? 

"Why?" 

"I feel like we should… I-… there are things that I think I should say." 

"Don’t you think it’s a little late for that,” you say, voice low but steady. 

Yugyeom runs a hand through his hair, his eyes looking at everything  _but_  you. “I know, Y/N, but… I think I have to say them." 

"Maybe another time, Yugyeom,” you state before throwing your drink to the ground , then you try to walk past him but his hand comes up to grip your arm and pull you back. 

You stare wide eyed at Yugyeom. He’d never taken such force with you, not even during sex. He was always gentle, and because he’s so much bigger than you, he felt like he had to. 

“I’m sorry,” he says, suddenly finding himself, “I’ve just been waiting to see you at one of their parties. I know your guy friends hang out with these guys. And I figured you blocked my number, and I didn’t want to bother you at your place… Chaeyoung would probably kick my ass the second she saw me. I just… I really need to talk to you…” The desperation in his eyes almost makes you give in. 

You want to  _know_  what he has to say. You do. But you’re not sure you want to  _hear_  it. 

But you need closure… 

“Fine. You have ten minutes, Yugyeom.”

You allow him to walk you closer to the street, finding a place away from the crowd in the front yard who are drinking and talking loudly. 

“I wish we didn’t have to talk about something serious like this here. I wish we were at my dorm. Or your place. Or just anywhere else,” he says, his eyes focusing on something across the street. 

“Yugyeom, please." 

He nods and clears his throat before turning to look at you. Really look into your eyes this time. That spark, those butterflies you used to get at seeing him. At hearing his voice. At watching him smile and laugh. That’s all gone and replaced by an empty echo of confusion and heartbreak. 

"I was a coward." 

You take a deep breath at his words, and imagine the worst, because somehow, you’ve realized the worst must be the truth. It clawed at your sanity during quiet nights, when all you had left was to think about how it all went wrong. It drained you only to fill you with uncertainty and hatred, until you were nothing but dust studying on a pile of film books. 

"I didn’t have the strength to be honest with you, and tell you what happened. So, I just pulled away… and pulled away until there was nothing between us. Until we were nothing, almost like simple acquaintances. I hated that I let that happen, Y/N, I did.”

You turn away from him as your eyes begin to prickle from keeping the tears in. 

“I loved you… I still do,” he admits, his voice cracking and giving your heart a sudden thud. 

You can’t still love him, you know it’s a reflex, a left-over reaction to hearing those words come from that voice.  

“And I fucked up because I didn’t want to hurt you, but I ended up hurting you either way. Except I lied, and I kept things, and I drove you away and I don’t think I’ll be able to fix it no matter how much I try." 

"Then why are you speaking now?” you whisper. 

“Because I need to. I can’t leave it like this… and because-… I just need to say it." 

Finally, you turn to look at him again and glare into his eyes. "Just fucking say it, Yugyeom." 

"I… I cheated on you." 

You take a shaky breath, your chest almost caving in on itself when you finally hear the words that had been haunting you in your sleep. You take several steps away from Yugyeom, shaking your head. "No.” is all you say. You’re not sure what you’re denying, whether it’s the fact that Yugyeom would cheat on you, or the fact that it still hurts to hear it. 

“I was drunk,” he begins to say, walking towards you. “I was so fucking stupid. And I was scared of losing you so I didn’t say anything… and then the guilt started eating me alive. I was so afraid, I didn’t want to see you in fear of it slipping out and losing you, so I just drove you away. I drove you away and let my fear do exactly what I was trying so hard to avoid.”

He catches up to you and reaches for your arms, but you surprise the both of you by shouting, “Don’t fucking touch me!" 

"Y/N?” he pleads with tear stained eyes. 

“Get the fuck away,” you say through gritted teeth. 

“I think you should really listen to what she’s saying,” Hoseok’s voice says from behind you. 

His voice startled the both of you. You turn to find him glaring at Yugyeom. 

Yugyeom frowns at him, “Hoseok, this isn’t with you. We’re just talking. It’s not your business.”

“I don’t want. To. Talk. To. You." 

"Y/N?” he pleads again but you step back and towards Hoseok. 

Hoseok reaches for your hand and intertwines your fingers, at which Yugyeom’s confusing glare is aimed. 

“Get out of my property, Yugyeom,” Hoseok says, his voice even but stern, in no way threatening to the man taller and bigger than him, but it’s the serious tone in his voice that lets Yugyeom know he’s not joking. 

Yugyeom shakes his head in exasperation and turns to look at you with disbelief. “What, you’re sleeping with this man-whore now? Is that what I drove you to?”

You flinch at his words. “Shut up, Yugyeom,” you whisper. 

“We’ve known each other longer than she’s known you, so I suggest you leave and stay away from my friend for as long as she says you should." 

You turn to look at Hoseok, but he just squeezes your hand. He’s making it seem like you’re just friends? 

"Friend? She’s never even mentioned you in all the time I’ve known her." 

What the fuck is it to Yugyeom if you’re sleeping with Hoseok or not. It’s not his business. 

"He’s first orgasm guy. Now please leave, for fuck’s sake Yugyeom.”

His eyes widen at your words, and he looks back at Hoseok, clearly remembering the story you told him about Jinyoung and the guy who came after him. 

He sighs deeply, but finally he turns and walks away, only glancing back once to look at you still holding hands with Hoseok as he drags you back into the house. 

He doesn’t say anything until he’s dragged you inside his room, closing the door behind you. 

“Why didn’t you text me? I feel I could’ve saved you from talking to him,” he whispers as he stands close to you, his hand still holding yours. 

You let go of his hand and try to smile as you brush them over your hair, pushing it back. “It’s fine… it was probably due that we’d have that conversation.” Walking over to his bed, you hope he won’t ask you much. “Wait, how much did you hear?" 

Hoseok looks away, clearly ashamed to say he probably heard more than he should’ve. "I’m really sorry." 

You only nod, unsure of what you should even say. You haven’t processed it yourself. 

Hoseok walks over to sit beside you, his hands running over his thighs as if sweaty. He clears his throat, and turns to look at you. "I had a girlfriend about six months ago." 

You remember him mentioning an ex, but assumed he meant like an ex-fuck buddy or lover or something, not an actual girlfriend. "Oh,” is all you say. 

“We broke up after… after I cheated." 

You blink up at Hoseok, unsure of what to say. 

"I felt shitty, but I can’t even imagine how she must have felt. She hated me of course, but probably not as much as I hated myself. I came clean right away though, so I don’t know how much worse it would’ve been if I hadn’t said anything for a while.”

“Would you have broken up with her even if you didn’t say anything?" 

Hoseok shrugs. "I didn’t want to be with her anymore, and I didn’t process that properly. I hadn’t been in a relationship since probably freshman year of high school. I did the wrong thing, I ended up hurting someone I cared deeply for. I was infatuated with her for a while, but she was in love, and when I didn’t meet her in the middle, much less meet her where she was, I did what I subconsciously wanted to do. Be with someone else, even if it was just for sex." 

You flinch at his honesty. You’re not sure what he’s trying to do by telling you this, so when you look back at him, he only looks over your face and smiles a little. 

"Yugyeom isn’t me, but it doesn’t mean he’s still not a shitty person." 

You nod. He’s right. 

"That party, when we fucked here,” he starts and waits for your nod to gesture for him to continue, wondering if you’re okay with him continuing, “I saw her downstairs. Not my ex, she already graduated, but the girl I cheated with. She threw me off. She reminded me that I did something really fucked up." 

"Oh,” is all you say. You’re unsure of how to take his words, and all of his confessions. You’re no one to judge Hoseok and it’s not like he’s done anything to you. 

“I also have a conscience,” he says, half-laughing as if people usually tell him otherwise. Or maybe his ex used to tell him that. 

“Yugyeom was here that day. That’s why I left." 

Hoseok looks at you and nods in understanding. 

"I understand if you don’t want to see another cheating bastard right now, so if you want I can leave you alone?" 

You shake your head, "I think I should go home." 

"Want a ride?" 

The last thing you want right now is to tell your friends what happened, so you turn and give Hoseok a nod. 

He drives in silence, not wanting to force you to talk, only playing music quietly in the background. When you arrive at the apartment building, you turn to him before stepping out. 

"I’ll pay you back another time, Hobi." 

"Of course, Plum,” he says with a warm smile, and waves you off. 

* * *

 

Hoseok kept poking your leg, but you knew better than to pay him any attention. You’d already had four orgasms tonight, and he’s had three, which he keeps repeating (he’s made this whole counting orgasms into a game somehow) so you know he’s being a dickhead and wants you to give him head despite having fucked him fifteen minutes ago. It doesn’t help that he’s laying down on your bed with nothing on but the thin blanket covering him up from the waist down, an arm on the back of his head between it and the pillow, and he keeps calling your name softly while you’re trying to watch Pedro Almodóvar's  _Todo Sobre Mi Madre_  ( _All About My Mother_ ). 

“Hey, come on Plum, at least give me a hand?” he whispers and reaches for your hand as it scribbles notes on your notebook about the film. 

“Hoseok, we fucked three times,” you say with an annoyed tone. It’s not that you don’t want to have sex again, you’d be lying if you said that, but you’ve told him several times you need to finish the film by tomorrow. “There’s an hour and a half left of this. So, you either wait, or you get out." 

He only grumbles something inaudible, and you just scoot back on your bed and lean your back against the headboard, where your head was being banged against earlier. You blink the memories aside and continue to read the subtitles. You understand a few words as you took Spanish in high school, but a lot of the words fly by you so you just read most of the translations. 

Bending a knee to rest your notebook there, you consider putting on some clothes over the lacy underwear and bralette, but you’re too comfortable. It doesn’t help you concentrate that Hoseok keeps staring at your breasts though. 

You feel Hoseok turn on his side beside you, then his hand comes over to run over the soft skin on your thigh, his fingers featherlike. 

"Hoseok,  _stop_ ,” you warn without giving him a glance, because you know that if you take one look at his hooded, sex-hungry look you’re done for.

He sighs but stops touching you. “Can I at least touch one of your tits while I masturbate?” he asks, and this time you actually look at him. He’s got that damn smirk on his face and an eyebrow raised. 

“For fuck’s sake,” you mumble, then you go for the blanket over him and toss it aside only to find him already semi-hard. You roll your eyes before leaning down to kiss along his jaw, down his neck, and suck at the skin at the base while your hand helps him finish getting hard. When he’s ready in your hand, already moaning against your neck, you lean back to look at him. “Lay down. No boob touching, but I’ll give you one hand so you have to use a hand too if you get desperate." 

Hoseok frowns at you with an amused look on his face. "Wait up, aren’t I supposed to be the jerk?”

“You don’t want to wait until I finish the movie, this is all you get,” you tease, then lean down to kiss him quickly before putting your notebook on his chest. You prop yourself up by putting two pillows by your shoulder, your left arm resting on his stomach while your fingers wrap around his hard member, with your right hand ready to write more notes on the movie. “Don’t come on my notebook or you’re dead." 

Your hand starts to move along him, beginning at the base and working your way up to the head slowly, earning a low hiss from Hoseok’s throat. You try to ignore the way his reactions get you wet between your legs, his sounds making you shiver. 

The film continues, and both of your hands continue their work. Eventually Hoseok is moaning and grunting, his hand now on his balls, massaging, while the other comes up to grab your jaw as he sits up a bit to pull the side of your face so he can suck on your neck. 

You moan at the impact, your eyes fluttering close at his wet lips kissing and sucking at your skin, your entire body experiencing a rush of heat and sparks that start at where he’s kissing you, and move to where you’re so wet you know you’ll have to get rid of yet another set of lacy underwear. Too bad you don’t have many. 

"Hobi, I need to finish this film," you manage to say through moans as your hand starts moving faster over his dick, your thump flicking over the tip and playing with the pre-come, which allows your hand to run easier and smoother down his skin. 

Your eyes flutter open and you try to focus on the subtitles, but he keeps licking and kissing your neck, loud groans leaving his throat and hitting your already hot skin. 

"Fuck, Plum, your hand feels so good, but not as good as your pussy would,” he whispers against your ear and you whimper at the hot breath and the way his words make your core pulse. 

Hating how easily he can get to you, you lean over for the remote, pause the movie, toss your notebook off him, and lean over him to get to the bedside table for a condom, a winning smirk already on his face. 

“Fucking asshole,” you mumble as you pull the condom over him for the fourth time today. 

Hoseok chuckles as he reaches for your chin and pulls you up towards him. “You’re the one who called me and asked if I wanted to fuck, remember?" 

Reaching down to pull your underwear off, you glare at him. "I wasn’t imagining you’d be staying here for hours wanting to fuck again. I told you I had homework, Hoseok." 

He chuckles again, "Clearly your priorities are straight, Plum,” he muses as he helps you straddle him and lower yourself on him. 

Loud moans leave both of you as you feel yourself stretch around him, his hard member filling you completely and easily thanks to how wet you already are. 

“Fuck, you’re so wet,” he says breathily, at which you lean down to kiss him. His mouth tastes of the alcohol he’s been drinking, beers that belong to your friends but he didn’t seem to care when you warned him they were Jungkook’s. He’s had a few, and his tongue tastes of it.

Tongues press desperately as you lower yourself completely on him and hips start moving. You lose your hands in his hair as he grips his fingers on your hips. 

The kiss is sloppy as he starts thrusting fast to meet you and hit your walls, eliciting loud groans from you as you try to meet his pace by rolling your hips quickly. But Hoseok was ready to come already and he’d forgotten you weren’t, so when he starts moving faster, a little more painful, he notices the change in your disgruntled moans. 

“Fuck, fuck, sorry Plum, but I’m ready to explode here,” he says against your lips. 

You nod, unable to say anything as you get used to the way he’s moving quickly. “J-just give me a second to get used to it… fuck, no wait, please slow down,” you say breathily and he suddenly stops moving. 

You look up at him and find his alarmed expression. “Fuck, I’m sorry, did I hurt you?" 

"No, no, it’s just…” you close your eyes and try to ignore the way his dick feels inside you, ready to go off. “I’m not really used to fucking hard right away, and I felt a little overwhelmed." 

You sit up a bit, removing your fingers from his hair and moving them to rest against the pillow beside him. When you open your eyes, the alarm is out of his eyes but he’s still staring at you, waiting. 

"Yugyeom didn’t fuck you right or what?" 

You can’t help but laugh at the serious way in which he asks such a ridiculous question. When you finally stop laughing, you look at him and shake your head. "It’s not that. He was good, he was just… gentle. Sometimes too gentle; I don’t know, he probably thought I was fragile because he’s so much taller and bigger than me." 

"Dickhead is a giant,” Hoseok says with a smirk. “So, he never straight out fucked you hard right away?" 

You can’t help the snort. "No. No partner I’ve ever had ever did that, I don’t know. They were probably too scared or something. I don’t know. We just worked our way to it." 

"I shouldn’t have assumed you’d be okay with it right away,” he starts to say, trying to move you off him but you don’t budge. 

“What are you doing?”

“I’m gonna give you head, you’re probably really sensitive-”

“No, it’s fine. Look, if we’re going to do this a lot, we should get used to what the other likes. And it’s not like I don’t want it, I do, just, warn me next time, okay?" 

Hoseok grins at this and nods. "So, are we like officially fucking?" 

Shrugging, you lean down to kiss him, your hips moving again. "I guess,” is all you say against his lips. He lets you move at your own pace at first, but he starts thrusting again, his lips moving down your neck while a hand runs between the two of you and finds your clit to begin circling it with two fingers. You whimper at the spark of feelings of his fingers on you, right where all those sensitive nerves send waves of pleasure to your core as his finger circle and pinch. 

His thrusts are fast again, hitting your walls fast and hard. When he finds your g-spot, your moans get louder and your fingers start tugging at his hair harder. “R-right there, fuck.” You throb against him, tightening your walls around him. 

“Fuck, you feel so tight." 

You stand in a sitting position as he works you up, you can’t even figure out how it is he’s keeping himself from coming when you’ve felt his abdomen tighten and his member thicken, ready to let go any second. 

Hoseok sits up with you, his mouth going straight for your breasts, sharing yet again his love for the bralette and sucking your nipple through the fabric, his arms wrapping around you and helping you lower yourself faster on him. 

With your mouth finding his sweaty shoulder and biting the skin there, you tug at his hair, asking him silently to play rougher with your taut nipples. 

"It’s okay, you can come Hobi, I’m almost,  _fuck_ , I’m almost there,” you manage to moan when he begins hitting your spot again after losing it for a bit. 

He groans as an answer, and with one more hard thrust he shouts your name in a loud groan against your breasts, going still for a beat, his arms tightening around you as he spills into the condom. You continue to move while he comes off his high, a hand going between you to find your clit as his tongue rolls around your nipple, moaning into the action. You feel yourself tighten, and one more lowering of your hips onto him and your body explodes in waves of pleasure and you shout into his shoulder. 

He works you through it, pushing your hand aside and circling and pinching your clit while he continues pleasuring your breasts, the waves of your orgasm rolling over you in tingles. 

When you’ve both calmed, you lean back to find him looking at you. The look is unfamiliar to you, and after a while you realize it’s that concerned look but taken down a few notches. 

“What?” you ask. 

“You called out of the blue, which I don’t usually question, but… did something happen again with him?" 

The smile is on your lips before you can help it. "No. Look, I processed what happened and the gist of it is that it happened a long time ago. I can’t control it, and I can’t change it. He cheated, we broke up, I found out he cheated and now I live my life." 

Hoseok nods. "Works for me. I just-” he looks away and then helps you get off him. He removes the condom and hands you the dirty underwear which you only take from him but don’t put it on. 

“What is it Hoseok?" 

"Y/N,” he says, turning back to you, causing you to dislike the way he says your name because he never really says it—unless he’s experiencing an orgasm—much less in such a serious tone. “I don’t want to be some kind of coping mechanism for what he tells you or does.”

“What the hell do you mean?” you say a little more defensive than you mean it to be, but the way his words make your stomach churn cause you to become alert of whatever he might say next, and what he could mean. You’re ready to put up some walls. You frown at him. 

“I don’t want drama Y/N. This is about fucking, not you trying to get over your cheating ex by getting attached to me. I want that to be clear.”

You can’t help the scoff that leaves your lips as you stand to find some clothes. As you pull new underwear on, you turn to glare at him. “I haven’t talked to him since that night, Hoseok. But now I know you only pretend to care about people’s feelings when you want to look good, or you might get to fuck someone because of it." 

He frowns and stands to change. "Don’t come to me with some bullshit like you think I’m your friend. I don’t fucking know you, okay. We’re just  _fucking_." 

Your blood boils at his words, your fingers immediately going for your hair. Utter disbelief is what washes over you at his statement. "So, you telling Yugyeom that we’re friends, that’s a lie?" 

Hoseok  _actually_  scoffs. "Yeah. I don’t know you Y/N, but you clearly wanted him away, so I told him words that he wouldn’t want to hear.”

“Why?!” You shout as you grab a shirt and pull it over you. “Because you thought you’d get some? Let’s remember that you didn’t! You drove me home!”

“Because I’m not  _the_  biggest jerk. Just  _one_  of them,” he states simply while pulling over his jeans. 

You laugh in disbelief. “Wow… those stupid words actually came out of your mouth. You sound like a fucking five year old." His shirt is by your feet so you lean down and toss it to him. "Good to know you live up to your reputation.”

“Reputation stems from some truth.”

“In your case absolute truth. Jerk who pretends to be a nice guy, and is only a nice guy when beneficial to him. So how much of a nice guy are you, Hoseok?” you look at him, find his dark eyes staring back at you. 

“Nothing at all. I’m not here to be your friend. I’m here to  _fuck_.  _You_  texted to come over for sex and that’s what I wanted. I didn’t come here to watch some film with you, I’m not your boyfriend.”

All of this for what? He was the one who brought Yugyeom up, while you were fucking actually. 

Shaking your head in disbelief, you walk over to your bedroom door. “I told you to leave if you didn’t want to wait, I have homework.” You swing the door open as he’s slipping his shoes on. 

“Well, next time only call me when you’re free, how about it?” he says in a passive aggressive tone that makes you want to slap him. He heads toward the door, his gaze never leaving yours

“I wouldn’t wait by the phone for that if I were you.”

“We’ll see about that,” he challenges, an eyebrow raising. He leans an arm by the door frame and turns to look at you up and down. “You’re going to call again, Plum, or text, and you’re going to ask for it. Just remember that this is just about sex. And you’re not the only I’m fucking." 

"I didn’t expect otherwise,” you say before causing him to move back before you close the door on his face and go back to your bed to try and focus on your homework, trying not to care that he’s drunk and about to head out at 3am by himself. He’s not your friend and you shouldn’t care. 

* * *

 

It’s been a few days since you saw Hoseok, and you’re proud of yourself for not once thinking about messaging him. He’s unaware of how stubborn you are, so if you say you’re not going to call or text him, you mean it. 

Chaeyoung brought him up once, this morning, asking if you’re going to see him again, which you answered to honestly—that you weren’t sure. You hope he doesn’t say anything to the guys about your argument, if you can call that an argument. Maybe it was a good thing it happened, so that whatever was starting stopped before it got worse and drama actually broke out. Jungkook would make sure you never hear the end of it, Jimin would give you the silent treatment for a week—it wouldn’t be the first time—at least Taehyung wouldn’t be  _that_  upset with you. He’d understand a little better as he’s had his fair share of “fuck buddy” drama. Not that Hoseok was really your “fuck buddy,” as you only had a few encounters, and he made it clear he wasn’t your friend with benefits, for you’d need to be friends for that. 

Shaking the thoughts of Hoseok away, you walk out to the kitchen in the empty apartment and prepare a snack to watch another assignment. You enjoy when the apartment is empty except for you, not that Chaeyoung is loud or obnoxious in any way, but it’s nice when you can watch your films in the big screen in the living room without bothering your best friend, or being interrupted because she’s bored and wants to do something to avoid responsibilities. You’re guilty of doing the same to her, but it’s Friday, and you really want to focus on your homework. Work was tiring today, but if you get through all of your coursework by Saturday night, you can relax on Sunday, maybe go out with Chaeyoung during the day if she’s finished her own work, and if she doesn’t have plans with the girl she started seeing last week. You still haven’t met her, but she seems to really like her, and they’ve been on two dates already which means that it’s probably going really well. 

With your snack ready, and the film rental loading, you sit to watch it and take notes for your paper. It’s another Almodóvar film, a more explicit one,  _Átame (Tie Me Up! Tie Me Down!),_  and a more controversial topic being explored, at least that’s what you remember from your pre-viewing reading. 

Half way through the film, the doorbell ringing makes you pause the film and walk over to answer. 

You unlock without asking who it is as you imagine it’s Chaeyoung who might’ve forgotten her keys, or one of the guys, but when the door opens, you go to close it right away but he quickly holds it back. His strong hand pushes the door from closing, and you know you will lose, so you just let the door swing open, crashing against the wall thanks to the strength of his arm. 

“What do you want, Yugyeom?” you ask, mastering as much of an annoyed and disgruntled tone as you can into your words. 

“You’ve been ignoring my dms, my texts, and I knew you wouldn’t even glance at your phone if I dared call. I just want to talk. I didn’t know what else to do other than to come here. I know I shouldn’t have but… I’m desperate,” Yugyeom presses, the tone of his voice mirroring his words. 

Rolling your eyes, you step to the side and allow him to come in. If this turns into an argument you know better than to let it happen outside, for your friends to hear across the hall if they’re home. 

He steps into the living room, his large figure standing in the middle of the room, his face distraught and hair disheveled. 

“Can’t you take the hint? I don’t want to talk to you,” you say, tone cold as you slam the front door closed. 

Yugyeom runs a hand through his dark hair, licking his lips as he figures out what to say to you. 

“Look,” he finally starts, “I understand that what I did was beyond fucked up. The way I handled it… it… it was just the worst way I could’ve handled it. And the way I told you?” he looks at you, his eyes finding yours and making you hold his gaze. You know better than to fall for his regret, for the remorse written all over his face, but you can’t break the way he looks at you and entrances you. “I know it was fucked up-”

“Beyond fucked up, Yugyeom." 

"I know!” he presses desperately, taking several steps towards you. You can’t find your feet or strength to move away. The pain on his face confuses you. 

With memories and the echoes of the words he said to you when you last saw him playing over in your head, you finally break away from his gaze. He said he was afraid of losing you, yet he lost you. He lost you and he waited this long to do something about it. 

“I don’t know how to fix it, Y/N. The day I broke up with you,” his voice lowers, tone laced with emotion at the memory of him breaking up with you. 

You remember it too. Remember how sudden it was, how unexpected, and how cold he was towards you. You were heart broken. You loved him, and you knew things were rocky, and something was going on with him and you couldn’t figure out what it was. He was distant, in more ways than just mentally. He wouldn’t touch you, sometimes he wouldn’t even look at you. Now you know it was because of the shame he felt after cheating on you. It pains you to know that he ever did that, even if you do claim to and know that you have zero feelings for him now, the part of you that used to have feelings for him is hurt that your suspicions were correct. 

“… I broke my own heart when I broke up with you,” he continues, stepping closer to you. Finally, you look back up at him, his dark eyes meeting yours once more. “I hated myself for doing it the way I did. You deserved better. You deserved an explanation, a reason, but I was too ashamed, too embarrassed, too afraid that you’d hate me more than you already did." 

You flinch at his words, hating the way your chest constricts at his admission, because he’s right. You deserved better. 

"I didn’t hate you,” you admit in a low voice, “I was confused, Yugyeom. I was hurt. I was heartbroken, because the man I loved started distancing himself from me and suddenly he broke up with me,” you hate the way your voice breaks at the end, the flinch and hurt on his voice making you emotional. He knows it too, he knows that you were hurting when he was distancing himself, yet he continued to do it. “We could’ve talked about it, Yugyeom. You could’ve come to me, right away, if you regretted it that much-”

“I did regret it! I  _do_!” he insists, a hand suddenly gripping yours. He moves your palm to his chest, you try to pry it away but he holds it still. “I still love you. I never stopped loving you. What I did, that was a horrible mistake I made, but my biggest mistake was not coming to you right after I fucked up because I shouldn’t have distanced myself." 

"The biggest mistake was sleeping with whomever you slept with–”

“I know,” he whispers, lowering his head so not to lose your gaze. “And I want to fix it… you have every right to not give me another chance, but I want to work hard to prove to you that I deserve it." 

Frowning at his words, you pull your hand from his and read his face, taking in his remorseful expression but not feeling much. "Yugyeom, I don’t love you anymore." 

He flinches at your words, his hands running over his face as he takes a deep shaky breath. "I knew… I suspected that would happen… that you would’ve fallen out of love,” he says, his eyes turning back to you, “I waited too long, I know. But, you were in love with me once… and I still love you… c-can’t you give me a chance?" 

Taking a deep breath yourself, you step away from him, turning your gaze to the paused film behind him. The female character is tied to her bed while her insane, possessive stalker stepped out. Even in her own home she wasn’t safe from him, and now it’s her own home she wishes to escape from. You know how the film ends; she falls in love with the man who holds her captive, a stupid ending in your opinion. It invalidates the strength of the character. But you also believe it’s Almodóvar’s take on a heterosexual relationship, at least a toxic one at that. When someone is vulnerable, it can be very easy for the captor to bend the reality and the senses of the victim, to twist their desires and confuse them. You won’t fall into that. Not unless you are sure that what you’re falling into isn’t something that will hurt you. That the situation you’ll be in won’t make you stupid and irrational, won’t make you a lovesick idiot. 

"No, Yugyeom… I can’t… I don’t want a relationship right now,” you answer honestly. You turn to step away from his sorrowful appearance, not wanting to fall into it. “I like being on my own right now, I don’t want to be in a relationship and doubt myself right now. You… you hurt me, but I’ve moved on and I’m trying to live my life. I’m focusing on school and work." 

Yugyeom looks at the floor and nods. He’s quiet for a beat, then he suddenly turns and walks towards you, stopping inches from where you stand looking up at him. His eyes look over your face before he cups a cheek with his large hand, startling you. 

"Yu-”

“Don’t you miss me?” he whispers, his voice low and deep, unlike his usual high voice, and you feel your gut betray you at his tone. A tone laden with something you know you’ll have trouble shaking off if he keeps talking,  _and_  touching you. 

It’s not so much Yugyeom. It not that you miss Yugyeom, but your sexual life has been more active in the past weeks than in the months leading to your break up with him—and he months after. You haven’t been touched since Hoseok, and although you’re stubborn enough not to call or text him, with Yugyeom here…

But you  _can’t_. He wants more, and he won’t trick you into giving it to him. You were being honest when you said you don’t want a relationship. 

“Yugyeom, please,” you try to brush him off but he only bends his head down, his face too close to yours. His nose brushes your cheek and you shiver at his cool skin. His lips brush over your skin and your eyes flutter close, leaning into his touch. 

“Just once… let me taste you one more time, and if you don’t want to see me again, I’ll leave you alone,” he whispers, his hot breath fanning over your skin, causing goosebumps to run up your skin. 

Your eyes flutter open and you look up at Yugyeom. His lust ridden eyes glare at you. A look you haven’t seen in him in a long time. 

It’ll be like riding a bike, you know that much. He knows you, he knows what you like when it comes to sex with him. But is what you liked with him even what you like now? 

When you don’t protest, he leans down and crashes his lips against yours. 

It’s all a blur from there. His large hands pulling you into him, his tongue brushing desperately against yours. Your clothes disappear as he walks you to your room. 

Then you’re on the bed, large limbs engulfing you as he lays over you. His mouth is on your body, on your shoulders, your collarbones, your breasts. Moan after moan leave your lips, meeting his labored grunts as he works his way down your body. Your fingers find his hair and pull it when his tongue starts pressing on you, licking your mild wetness and working on making you wetter. 

Your eyes are closed the entire time his tongue works on you, until he moves away and the cold breeze makes you open your eyes, only to find him crawling over you and positioning himself by your entrance. 

“Fuck, I missed you babe,” he whispers before he kisses you hotly, just as his tip enters you and you moan at the stretch of being around him. You forget about a condom as you didn’t use one with him, the pill was enough for the two of you, and he never seemed too scared of having it so.

He fucks you slowly, his face buried in your neck, your eyes staring up at the ceiling as you moan at the feeling of being filled, your fingers tangled in his hair because you know he likes it. His weight is momentarily completely on you as he finds the right position when he finds your spot, thrusting harder and faster. 

His mouth is sloppy over your neck, his fingers digging into every bit of your skin he can find. Moans and groans fill the room, your body layered with sweat, having his large body over you making it hotter. You want to turn over and ride him, but you feel his abdomen tense and you know he’s close. 

You keep moaning at the feeling of him thrusting and hitting your spot, and just when you want to reach between you with your hand, his hand runs down your skin and he snakes two fingers to meet your clit. A few more thrusts and he empties himself inside you, his fingers slowing on your clit just when you need him to hurry. 

“Yugyeom,” you press, and his fingers start working faster when he notices you writhing under him as he continues to thrust while he comes inside you. 

With a pinch and press of your bundle of nerves, you tighten your legs around him and he continues with his fingers on you as you come. 

He kisses you before pulling out and laying beside you. Heavy breaths fill your room, your eyes staring up at the ceiling again as you let the cool breeze hit your sweaty body and cool you down. 

Finally, you look over at Yugyeom, who’s already staring at you. 

“It’s just sex, Yugyeom." 

He looks away from you. "That’s what you do now? Just fuck people?”

Sighing, you look away. “I don’t fuck people. I fucked Hoseok, yes. And now you. Not that it’s any of your business. But if I wanted a relationship, I would be out there, going on dates. I don’t have time nor the energy for it right now, I just… I just want sex.” You look at him and watch as he frowns at the ceiling. 

He licks his lips, then turns to look at you again. “Would you fuck me again then?" 

"Yugyeom-”

“Just answer yes or no." 

You think about it. He gets straight to the point, he already knows you, and knows how to get both of you to come, there isn’t much buildup, but you like that the release comes so easily. 

"Maybe…" 

"You like sex with him that much?" 

"It’s different,” you answer honestly. Hoseok also knows what he’s doing, but you like that every time you have sex it’s different. 

“I don’t know how I feel about sharing you,” he says. 

With those words, you stand to head to the bathroom. When you’re done showering, Yugyeom watches as you dress. He doesn’t say anything as he too dresses, having brought his clothes back from laying on the floor outside. 

“You wouldn’t be sharing me, because I’m not yours to share, Yugyeom,” you finally say as you brush your hair, looking at him through the mirror of your vanity. 

“I know,” he answers, tone even and sincere. “But still… with you, I was used to it just being us. If you call me up and say you want to hook up, I’d say yes right away. But I know you’d also be fucking him, and I’m not sure how I’d feel about that." 

You frown at his words. Is he really suggesting he’d continue to sleep with you? 

"Yugyeom,” you say, putting your brush down and turning to look at him. “What happened today… It shouldn’t happen again. You claimed to be in love with me still when I’m not. It’s not smart for it to happen again, you know that." 

He straightens up his shirt and walks over to you. "Do you not want to see me again?" 

You frown further, thinking about his question. "I don’t know,” you answer honestly. “What I do know is that I don’t feel the same way you do. And I don’t want a relationship. If we were ever to do this again, I don’t want you to think it could lead to something else." 

Yugyeom smiles, his confidence making you question whether he’s being rational when he steps closer to you and says, "What if it did, I mean not now, but in the future?”

“You’re not listening to me Yugyeom. This is why it wouldn’t work-”

He goes for your wrist when you step away, turning you softly to look at him. “I’ll be your friend with benefits, a fuck buddy if you will, if that’s what you want right now. And if you ever feel you want more, I’ll be there to offer it. If you don’t, I’ll settle for this." 

Pulling your hand from his grip, you give him a quizzical look, but before you can answer, the doorbell rings. Before stepping out, you realize you’re in your underwear, so you grab a shower robe and step out to answer. 

This time you actually check through the peephole and your stomach twists when you see Hoseok standing out in the hallway. Glancing at your bedroom, you hope Yugyeom stays in your room, then you open the door. 

"Hey,” Hoseok says, standing with his hands shoved inside the pocket of his jeans, his eyes looking you up and down slowly. 

“Um, hi,” you whisper as you step out into the hall with him, making sure to leave the door unlocked. 

“Am I not allowed to come in?” he asks, a side, shy smile spreading over half of his face. 

“Er, it’s not that, I just think it’s best we talk out here… what’s up?" 

Hoseok nods, then he’s silent for a minute, a hand coming up to scratch the back of his neck. Finally, he sighs, takes a step towards you, standing inches from you, and leans his head down close to you. "I’m sorry… I was a dick last week. I-I… I just don’t want drama, and I try to be careful with whomever I’m sleeping with, even if it is just sex. Yugyeom is my co-worker, and your best friends are also my best friends, I just got a little worried this could end up ugly." 

You can’t help but feel a little uneasy at his apology. You know he’s being sincere, you can tell by the way he doesn’t break eye contact, and speaks quietly and carefully, like every word counts. Yet, the apology seems to be leading to a dangerous zone. He’s implying he wants to continue this, but what if you continue to sleep with Yugyeom? Will he stop sleeping with you then? You know he wouldn’t care if you have other sex partners, but it’s his co-worker. 

You don’t even know why you’re considering Yugyeom… it’s beeing around him that’s messing with your head. You shouldn’t have slept with him, shouldn’t have let him and his familiarity enthrall you. 

Sleeping with Hoseok is great, it’s fucking amazing if you’re being honest, but he’s right; drama is not something you need. 

With a little dread, you turn away from him and step towards the door. 

"It’s okay Hoseok, I understand. Thanks for apologizing,” you quickly add while reaching for the door, but he stops you before you can twist the knob, his hand blocking you from doing so. 

“Whoa, wait, I’m not done, Plum.”

“Hoseok-" 

"I don’t want to stop hooking up,” he adds, his voice lowering to a whisper. His other hand comes up to brush some of your wet hair behind your shoulder and you shiver at the tingling sensation of his fingertips brushing your neck. “I get it if you’re upset with me, but-” he suddenly stops and you look up to find him looking quizzically at your neck. 

“What?”

“I didn’t leave those?" 

"Huh?” you ask subconsciously reaching for your neck, that’s when realization dawns on you. “Oh,” you mumble, flushing red under the scrutinizing smirk on his face. 

“Is there someone in the apartment you didn’t want me to know is there?" 

His amusement makes you flush further, and you bat his hands away, rushing to cover up your neck. 

"Ha!! Who’s the lucky bastard,” he muses, reaching for the door, but you yelp and jump to stop him from opening. “Oh, come on! I need to know who’s your backup,” he adds with a mischievous grin and a wink. 

As you wrestle with him to stop him from opening the door, you say, “How do you know you’re not the backup?”

Hoseok scoffs, then gives up on trying to open the door. “Please, Plum, I’m never backup." 

You roll your eyes at him, but smile nonetheless. 

"Okay, I don’t care who’s fucking you, all I wanna know is if  _we’re_  still fucking?” he asks, his hands reaching forward to grip you by the waist and pull you close. You let him, and when he leans down close to you, his lips almost touching yours, you know you wouldn’t stop him if he kissed you. 

“I-I… I don’t know,” you whisper, your lips brushing his just about when they move to speak, making your eyes flutter. 

“Why not?” he whispers back, his voice low. 

Taking a deep breath, you take one step back, his hands still gripping you but your faces apart. You find his eyes as he waits patiently for an answer. 

“You said you don’t want drama, well, neither do I.”

Hoseok nods, then licks his bottom lip before speaking. “We won’t make drama. We need to keep it cool. If we ever have a fight for whatever reason, we can’t bring our friends into it.”

Contemplating, you bite your bottom lip. If you tell him that you slept with Yugyeom he might end it right there and there. He might not even believe you if you say you have no intention of getting back together with him. You’re aware of how it looks to be sleeping with your ex. It’s not smart. It’s possibly the stupidest thing you’ve done since giving Yugyeom five minutes of your time at that party. Yugyeom can be unpredictable with his jealousy, and you know he could end up causing drama with Hoseok, and that’s the last thing he wants. The last thing  _you_  want.

His eyes dart over your face, his palm stretching to press on your back and bringing you in closer to him. “Look, what I said about not being your friend… that was stupid. I mean… we don’t have to be friends, if you don’t want to. If it’s just sex you want, you know I’m game for it, whenever, wherever. Just text the time and location, baby, and I’m there,” he says playfully with a grin, which causes you to smile and look away from the fucking blinding smile on his face. “But, if you want to talk, or ever need help with something, I’m here. I know I can be a dick, especially when I’m drunk, but… I want to live up to the expectations that I am too nice to be a slut.” His grin falters, a halfhearted look spreading over his face. 

Frowning, you finally move your hands from laying still by your sides and grip his shoulders. “You are nice Hoseok… I mean, not all the time of course,” you add with a teasing grin, at which he smiles back. “But it disturbs people that you’re actually nice sometimes. That’s why I’ve heard they don’t believe you. I’m sorry about what I said too." 

He shakes his head. "Nah, you don’t have to. I deserved it. I was being a jerk." 

You smile lightly at him, but before you can say anything else, the door behind you swings open and you immediately jump out of his embrace. 

Yugyeom stands by the door, a frown on his face as he looks between you and Hoseok, who looks confused while staring at Yugyeom. 

Hoseok finally turns to look at you, an eyebrow raised, and a smile you hadn’t seen on him before. Almost cynical looking. "Really? This guy?" 

"And what the fuck are you doing here, Hoseok?” Yugyeom asks, his tone menacing and mirroring the seething look on his face. 

Hoseok turns to give him a side glance, then turns his attention back to you, completely ignoring him. “I’m guessing your answer is no then?” he asks, tone clipped and somewhat annoyed by the fact that he had to ask the question. 

“Hos-”

“No to what, babe?” Yugyeom asks, taking a step closer to you.

You glare at him, then hear Hoseok scoff, and when you turn to look at him he’s already turned to leave. Quickly, you reach for his arm, pulling away from Yugyeom when he tries to pull you back. 

Hoseok doesn’t fight you, he turns to give you an expectant look, his eyebrows raised and lips in a straight line. 

“I didn’t say anything,” is all you think to say. 

“That’s not an answer either, Plum." 

"Plum?” you hear Yugyeom seethe behind you. “What the fu-”

“Yugyeom!” you shout, turning to give him a warning look. “You should go." 

"What?” he asks in disbelief that you’d even ask him to leave. 

“ _Go._ " 

He sighs deeply, shaking his head before glaring at Hoseok. He walks towards him, and you’re prepared to stop him before he does something stupid, but just as he reaches where you stand, he suddenly grips you by the waist and leans down to kiss you, hard. He presses you hard against him, and you try to push him off you by pressing your palms against his chest but he doesn’t budge. When his tongue darts out to lick you, that’s when you stop trying to tell him to stop because he will use the opportunity to shove his tongue inside you. 

He’s off of you in seconds, slamming against the wall of your apartment with a seething Hoseok pressing his palms on his chest. Yugyeom glares at him as he tries to pry the shorter man’s hands off him. 

"What the fuck is your problem? If she doesn’t want to kiss you, you don’t force yourself on her jackass,” Hoseok practically shouts on his face. 

Taking deep breaths and wiping your lips, you glare at Yugyeom. “What is wrong with you?!” you shout. 

Hoseok lets go of Yugyeom at your words and moves to stand beside you, not too close but close enough to stop Yugyeom if he tries something. 

“Y/N-”

“Don’t you fucking dare give me some bullshit about your jealousy! Get out of my face!” Before you know it, you’ve stepped forward and slapped him hard on his cheek. You hit him hard, but you ignore the throbbing of your palm as you continue to seethe at him.

Yugyeom’s jaw tenses as he rubs his cheek, his eyes never leaving yours, and it disturbs you how he looks at you, angry that you’ve hit him. He deserved it yet he looks like he wants an apology. 

“ _Leave_!” You shout once more. 

Finally, he glares at you both before he turns to leave. 

Both you and Hoseok watch him leave. You realize you’re breathing heavy, the quietness of the hall making it so you can hear yourself catch your breath after the yelling and the exhaustion from the extrusion of energy needed to try and push the taller and bigger man off you. 

Hoseok turns to look at you, that concern on his face again. He reaches up with a hand on your shoulder, squeezing it softly. “Are you okay?" 

Nodding, you turn to head back to your apartment. You feel him follow you, but when you reach the door you turn to look at him. 

He blinks at you several times before smiling lightly. "Just making sure you go in and he doesn’t come back. If you don’t want me inside your place I won’t go in." 

You smile back and nod. When you open the door and step inside, you turn to look at him. He hasn’t taken any step closer so he knows you won’t be letting him in. 

"I’ll text you, yeah?" 

Hoseok nods, reaches with a hand to pinch your chin with his index and thumb, smiling widely. "I look forward to it, Plum." 

He doesn’t leave until you close the door. Ten minutes later, your phone buzzes. 

> **Hoseok:**  he was still outside, waiting for me to come out so I rounded the building and made sure he didn’t see me leave, he thinks I’m still up there ;) 
> 
> **You:**  Thank you :). 
> 
> **Hoseok:**  anytime Plum :P
> 
> **Hoseok:**  goodnight x hope you have wet dreams about me ;)
> 
> **You:**  ha ha no. Goodnight x. 
> 
> **Hoseok:**  I’ll be having them about you ;)
> 
> **You:**  *rolls eyes into the next dimension*
> 
> **Hoseok:**  LIES x 

Can’t help but smile at your phone as you place it on the bedside table and turn to press play on the film, hoping to finally finish your assignment. 

Your phone buzzes again, and when you see Yugyeom’s name pop up, you ignore it and continue watching. You can’t let him fool you into believing his apology. He went too far today. He lost any slither of a chance he might’ve had. 

Instead, you text Hoseok back telling him to come over tomorrow night. 

> **Hoseok:**  you work quick Plum… can’t wait ;) x 
> 
> **You:**  Nice to know I’m not backup. 
> 
> **Hoseok:** never! :P 

You grin at the message, then continue with your notes, wanting more than anything to finish all your homework as soon as possible, so you won’t have to worry about it Sunday, now that your Saturday night is busy. 


	3. three

The peach alcoholic drink Taehyung had handed you a while ago finally disappears with one last sip. You leave the empty glass bottle on the nearest counter as you head to the kitchen to find more. You’ve had two drinks since getting to the party, you’re not exactly drunk, but you are tipsy. It’s the weekend, midterms are over, the weather is cool, and you could use some warming up with another drink. 

Jungkook is talking to a girl by the drinks, his hand already touching her hair, signaling his staple move before asking if he can kiss the girl. Also in the kitchen, Seokjin is talking to a really tall guy that keeps staring at his lips when he talks. You look away from both couples talking and lean down to look for another peach flavored drink. You make an annoyed noise when there isn’t any but opt for the lime flavor instead of the orange one left. 

Since you arrived at the party, you are yet to find Hoseok. Since it’s Namjoon’s birthday, you figure he’s out there somewhere with his friend. You also didn’t text him you’d arrived, but you’ll find him sooner or later. 

You walk out towards the backyard, leaving the loud music behind and going somewhere you’d never been before, and start twisting the bottle cap open, glad these drinks don’t need a bottle opener otherwise you’d be as screwed as the cap itself. You can open bottles like that with the side of a doorframe, but you’re already a little clumsy you fear making a mess or accidentally breaking the glass. 

There’s a few people outside drinking, but mostly smoking something to keep themselves warm. As you’re about to take the first sip of your drink, you feel a large body press against your back, at first you think it might be Hoseok, but the man is much taller, and when his arm wounds around your body, you look down to find Yugyeom’s arm. 

Turning slightly, craning your neck to look up at him and ask him what the hell he thinks he’s doing, you find him grinning at you. 

“You’re drunk,” you state. 

“A little,” he slurs his speech as he wraps both arms around you and buries his face in your neck. 

“Yugyeom, get off me,” you press as you try to pry his arms from around him. 

You’ve talked to him since the incident at your apartment three weeks ago. He’d acted brainlessly, and out of jealousy, was what he said—and you knew it to be true as he’d acted plenty of times like that. Still, you didn’t give any indication that you’d forgiven him or that your listening to his excuse or explanation (depending in what way you look at it) warrant his behavior towards you. 

By the tone of your voice, he gets that you’re not in a mood to play around so he lets go of you. He stands to your left, and blinks at you a few times, but you say nothing and look away. 

“I’m sorry,” he says after a while. 

“Okay." 

"Not about this, I mean, yes, I’m sorry about this, but I’m also sorry about what happened." 

"You’ve told me." 

"Are you going to forgive me?" 

Taking a long sip of your drink, your throat burning thanks to the alcoholic aftertaste left behind by the lemon flavor, you ponder on his question for a bit. You study the groups of people outside, scanning to see if you find any of your friends. 

Sighing, you turn to him with a shrug. "I don’t know Yugyeom. If I do, then what? Are you going to leave me alone?" 

Yugyeom looks at you intently, then he moves to stand right in front of you, but not once does he look away from your eyes. "Tell me you don’t want to see me ever again. That you want me to leave you alone, and I will. But I’m sorry, if you don’t say that, I’m not going to give up on you. I want you back, and I’ll do anything to make every mistake I’ve made up to you." 

Your brain is buzzing, as is your skin, and you want to pay attention to what he’s saying and take it all in but you can’t. You know that if you answer you might regret it the next day, so you stay quiet and blink up at him. 

"I don’t know,” you finally say. “I need water. Or coffee…” you trail off and walk past him to head inside the house. You hoped he’d leave you alone, but he follows you into the kitchen. There, he opens the fridge and takes out a glass bottle of a milky drink. 

“This is iced coffee, drink it,” he whispers and hands it to you.

The room is empty, the couples probably headed upstairs to the rooms. 

You drink it slowly as you sit on the counter, waiting for the buzz to disappear. Fun was all you wanted today. Just drink, maybe dance, preferably with Hoseok so that it would lead to sex. Either way, you knew you’d be having sex tonight. But now that Yugyeom is here, the night has turned sour and you’re not sure you want to spend the night talking seriously with him about something you’re not even sure you know how to deal with. 

Before talking to Yugyeom again, you didn’t even have to worry about ever seen him. Well, it was something you sometimes feared, and in the back of your head imagined sooner or later you’d have to confront him, but you’d imagined that would be it. You wouldn’t see him ever again. Now, he’s here, and he doesn’t want to leave you alone unless you explicitly ask him to—and you know he will leave you alone if you ask him to—and he wants you to take him back, to be a couple again. 

When you were dating you felt like he was it for you for the longest time. You imagined moving in together, having your respective carriers, maybe traveling. But something was always off. He wants kids, you still don’t. He wants to get married, you don’t. You had fights about that, that is why you never managed to move in together, and when things got rocky, it felt like it was all falling apart. 

Swallowing the last sip of the now warm drink in your throat, you turn to Yugyeom. “Did you cheat after we fought about moving in?" 

He looks at you, a frown on his face. "Um… yeah, I think so." 

Nodding, you step off the counter and move to throw the bottle away. "Yugyeom. I’m still that same person." 

He frowns deeper as he too steps off the counter. You realize the music has been turned off, and you can’t quite figure out when that was. All you hear are loud voices talking in the living room. "What do you mean?” he asks. 

“I still don’t want to get married, and I don’t want kids.” You feel quite vulnerable talking to him about this, your arms immediately crossing in front of your chest. 

Yugyeom stares at you for a beat, then looks down at his hands before shoving them into his jacket. “I know,” he finally says before he steps closer to you, “and I want you. That’s all I want. I don’t care about anything else.” His voice is rough, and laden with emotion, the rawness of it causing your stomach to twist. He’s looking at you with that pained look on his face and you believe him. There’s no way he’s making that up. But you also know that a person does not just drastically change what they want in life for a person, if that was the case you would have changed for him. It’s nice that someone can care so much for you, but it’s kind of insane and unrealistic. It’s not real. 

“Yugy-”

“Don’t say anything now. Just…” he trials off behind you, then turns back and steps closer to you. So close he has to lean down for you to hear him. “Just think about it for a while. Think about me. If you ever need  _assistance_  with anything, I will be there. I can keep it causal if that’s what you want, and think about it. About what it’d be like to be us again.” He leans an inch lower and plants a kiss on your cheek when you don’t move away. He presses his cold lips for a beat there, your skin leaning into the touch, liking the contact of lips on your skin.

You suddenly remember one of the best nights you had with him. It was an anniversary and he’d taken you to your favorite Italian place. He was soft and gentle the entire night. He listened to your stories, held you close, and kissed you softly constantly. He ended the night by kissing you softly on the cheek right outside your place, but when you stepped inside, he kissed you and made love to you in the most intimate encounter you’d both had. That was the first time he’d said he loved you, you both felt it but no one had said it. You were both cowards that never spoke their minds.

When Yugyeom leans back, he smiles warmly at you, then you stare at him as he walks out of the kitchen. Standing by the kitchen archway is Hoseok, nursing a drink with a hand in his pocket and a glare directed at Yugyeom. 

Once your ex is gone, Hoseok turns and gives you a short side smile. “Why didn’t you tell me you were here?" 

You shrug. "I thought I’d eventually find you." 

Putting behind who you were just with and why, you walk towards Hoseok. 

He places his drink by the counter and meets you half way, immediately going for your jaw and your waist to pull you into a kiss. He crashes his lips against yours hotly and impatiently, his hand getting lost in your hair, and his other hand pulling you in closer. Your hands are gripping the long-sleeved shirt by his waist and pulling his chest against yours. 

"Fuck, it’s been a week, what the hell Plum,” he manages to say through the brushing of lips and tongues and hot breath. 

“Sorry, school,” you moan.

He parts the kiss and clasps one of your hands in his and starts pulling you towards his bedroom, not wasting any time. 

As soon as the door is locked, Hoseok turns to pull you into another heated kiss. His tongue brushes along your lips immediately and you part your lips just as quickly for him as he reaches down to hook his hands around your thighs and pull you up to sit on his dresser. You both ignore as things are brushed away and pushed to the floor, your hands busying themselves tugging with the hem of his shirt to pull it off him. 

He finally stops kissing you long enough for the shirt to be completely off, your breaths deep and loud as he helps you get rid of your own shirt. A ripping sound is heard as he’s helping you but you both ignore it, too desperate to care about the fragile fabric. 

“What did he want?” Hoseok asks between breaths once the shirt is off and he moves down to help with your jeans. 

You lean forward and start kissing along his shoulder, to the base of his neck, your tongue slipping out to taste the saltiness of his skin. You can smell his cologne, one you’ve gotten quite used to, and the scent of his shampoo hits you as you work your way up his neck. 

“Nothin’,” you say quickly, not wanting to waste any time before meeting his lips. He kisses you back, and when your tongue asks for his, he allows you to deepen the kiss.

Without parting the kiss, you help him get your jeans down, and he slips off your shoes quickly. 

Hoseok leans back, earning a whining sound to leave your lips when his are gone. He chuckles as he hooks his hands behind your knees and pulls you to the edge of the dresser, causing your core to press against his hardness. He smirks down at you, then reaches to cup your cheeks and tilt you up to kiss him. Your eyes flutter close once more when lips meet. 

The tension has slowed, drifting between you in slow movements, like the way he presses against you making you moan into the kiss. The kiss is low, his lips molding around your bottom one and bitting it slowly as he starts to lean back. 

Hoseok looks at you as he catches his breath, the way his eyes drift back between yours cause you to look at him quizzically, unsure of why it is he’s looking at you in such a studying manner. 

“It doesn’t matter, but… did you just hook up with him?” He asks. 

You frown at him, “Yugyeom? No… but why are you asking if it doesn’t matter?" you ask with an eyebrow raised in a challenge. The tone of his question rubs you the wrong way, and you’re not sure why.  

He removes his hands from your face only to move them down your thighs, which he grips in his large hands to pull you closer, causing a gasp to leave your mouth at the roughness of the movement. 

"Plum, it doesn’t matter in the spectrum of the situation, as in I don’t care if you’re fucking him-”

“Right?”

“But I don’t know how I’d feel if you had sex with him right before coming with me, quite literally,” he adds with a smirk. 

You roll your eyes but reach up to snake your fingers in his hair and tug it hard enough to make him lean down to you. 

“Well, you won’t have to figure out how that makes you feel because it didn’t happen. Now, can we get to what we’re here for, or?" You trail off. 

Hoseok smirks before kissing you again, thrusting slightly into you, causing friction between his jeans and your panties. 

The kiss doesn’t last long as he starts moving his hand up the inner side of your thigh, his mouth trailing along your jaw, down to your neck. His tongue drags along your hot skin making your stomach churn, the fire settling down at your core and you squirm as his fingers near where your soiled underwear is sticking to your skin. 

Just when it seems like he’s going to touch you right where you need him to, he pulls back again, another whining noise leaving your lips but you refuse to let go of his hair. 

Hoseok only smirks when he turns to look at you, that is before he falls to his knees in front of your parted legs, his dark mischievous looking eyes never leaving yours as he does. He bites down on his lip, then looks away to focus on what’s in front of him. 

The anticipation for what’s to happen hangs in the air, between the deep breaths you’re now taking, and in the way your fingers tug a little tighter his hair, and in the way you lean a little closer to his face. 

He smiles between biting his lip before reaching with his hands for the hem of your panties, pulling them off you slowly, never once breaking eye contact. Your heart is pounding against your chest, your body writhing under his scrutiny and slow torture. 

"Will you get to the damn point,” you complain, tugging at his hair, which earns a chuckle from him. 

He swings your legs over his shoulders, moving you so half of your ass is on the dresser, but he holds your thighs tightly so you don’t fear falling over. 

Your skin tingles as his lips brush the inside of your thigh, goosebumps running up your body. He moves painfully slow, your fingers tugging for him to hurry but he holds his slow pace. When his lips finally reach where you want him, he spreads your legs open, and you place a hand behind you to lean back. 

The image of Hoseok between your legs, the way his eyes dart up to yours as his lips brush against you slowly, cause you to moan deeply. 

He smiles, then his eyes flutter close, and that’s when he stops playing his teasing games. 

His tongue finally slips out to taste you, making you grip his hair and whimper at the warmth. He does that for a while, his movements as quick as your breathing, his lips occasionally sucking. He uses the muscle that is his tongue to part your lips and lick deeper, at the same time parting your legs wider. 

Moans leave your lips, and you try to stay quiet in fear of someone hearing as the music is yet to return to the party outside this room, but that conscientious thought eventually is forgotten when he lets go of one of your thighs—leaving it shaking and fending for itself barely on the edge of his shoulder. His fingers find their way to your wetness as the tip of his tongue finds your clit and begins pressing and circling, his fingers run along your entrance before he slowly thrust one inside, making your insides churn and your lips to part in pleasure. 

Hoseok moans in pleasure against you, causing a spark to run up your spine at his noises. “Fuck, you taste so good  _everywhere_." 

He works you like this for a while, eventually adding another finger and pumping them in and out, his mouth working along his fingers, lips sucking on your clit and licking you on accession as you writhe above him. Your free hand finds its way to your breasts and you start playing with your nipples. Taut and sensitive under your touch, your lips part to release moans and cries of pleasure. He moans against you in reply, his fingers tightening against your thigh as he moves faster.

His fingers begin to bend inside you, pressing at your walls and pumping in in angles that have you writhing.

"Yes, fuck, faster Hobi." 

"Look at me,” he demands against you. It’s hard to keep your eyes open but you manage to do it for small periods of time, that is until another finger is added and his rubbing and pressing gets more desperate and faster. 

“F-fuck, r-right there, Hobi,” you moan when he finds your spot, his fingers not wasting any time, and his tongue finding your clit once more. 

“Come on baby, come all over my face so I can lick you clean,” he says, making you groan and writhe at his words. His tongue works faster on your clit, twisting your insides deeper. You feel yourself reaching the welcoming peak, the fire in the pit of your stomach deeper and stronger. Your legs begin to shake around him, threatening to close in on his head but he parts them far, small whimpers leaving your lips as he continues to build you up, until you feel it. 

Your walls close in around his working fingers, your body going rigid for a second as you cry out his name with the waves of tingling pleasure washing over you.  

He works you through it, your body glistening with sweat as is his forehead. He cleans the come off yourself with his tongue, his small moans of pleasure making you twitch under him. 

When he finally stands, he instantly reaches for your face and kisses you. You’re still panting from the orgasm and the kiss when he leans away, but he doesn’t waste any time in picking you up, with your legs around him so he can carry you to the bed.

“I’m not done with you yet, Plum, if you’re game?”

“I don’t have anywhere else to be,” you tease before leaning down to drag kisses up his neck.

* * *

 

“Hey, can I ask you something?” Hoseok asks as he sits up to pull on his shirt. 

“And I won’t get upset?” you tease, the blanket now firmly wrapped around your chest and covering up your body. 

He turns to give you an exasperated, teasing look, but says, “Yeah…" 

"I guess.” You look around to try and find your clothes and spot them by the blessed dresser. 

“If you’re going to continue sleeping with Yugyeom, don’t you think we should end this?”

You stop midway to standing up to get your clothes. Hoseok looks at you as he stands to pick up and pull on his pants. 

“Is this a way of asking me if I’m going to also be sleeping with him?” you ask. You don’t want to argue with him, especially not after the amazing sex, but the way he’s leading the conversation is difficult to avoid getting upset. 

Hoseok gives you a half smile before turning around and walking to his dresser. He pulls out a shirt, then picks up your bra and walks over to you. 

“Sorry about your shirt, Plum,” he whispers as he hands the items to you. 

Taking them reluctantly, you continue to stare at him, waiting for him to say something. He stares back, his fingers scratching the back of his head. 

“Look, I get it if you want to sleep with him. I don’t care if you’re sleeping with other guys. You know you’re not the only woman on my phone. But… if you’re going to end up getting back together with him, I just don’t want to be in the middle of this." 

Before you can answer, he walks off to the restroom outside, leaving you to put on your bra and his shirt after yours was ripped. 

When he comes back, he hands you a warm wet towel so you can clean your stomach—where you let him come. He watches as you do, then takes the towel back when you’re done. 

You’ve pulled on your jeans when he returns, shoes in hand to pull them on. The music outside is blaring again, but you have no idea what time it is. 

He sits by the bed next to you, but instead of putting on his own shoes he just watches you. 

"Hoseok,” you say, finally finished tying your shoes. 

“Hmm?" 

You turn to find him playing with the hole by his knee on his jeans, his eyes darting back and forth between his fingers and your face. 

"I’m not going to get back together with Yugyeom." 

"Are you sure?” He leans back with his palms resting on the bed behind him, looking at you skeptically. 

Nodding, you turn to face him, one of your legs resting on the bed so you can be fully facing his side. 

“Look, Yugyeom broke up with me after we’d been drifting, with no explanation whatsoever. I always wondered whether he’d cheated, or if he’d fallen out of love. Now that I know that he did cheat, and he didn’t tell me because he was scared of losing me, and frankly because he was a coward, it still doesn’t change the fact that our relationship wasn’t perfect.”

Hoseok frowns at your words. He sits up and stares off towards the door. “Did he… did he say he cheated because your relationship wasn’t perfect?" 

 _Not directly_. "No… I mean, he was drunk and regretted it immediately, but it did happen after we had a fight. It was a huge fight, one that was going to happen sooner or later…. I don’t want to get married and have kids,” you admit in a quiet voice, “that’s not what I want in life." 

Hoseok finally turns to look at you, his frown now soft as his eyes scan over your vulnerable expression. "And he  _does_ ,” he states rather than asks. 

You only nod.

“He says now that that’s not what he wants, but I don’t believe him." 

Hoseok clears his throat as he scratches the back of his head again. "He talked to me the other day at work…”

“What?” Suddenly you’re sitting up straight and are leaning in closer to him, “I told him to leave you alone!" 

He chuckles, "Come on, we’re grown ass men, we can hold a conversation without beating each other just because we want to fuck the same woman." 

You roll your eyes but signal for him to continue. 

Hoseok looks at you for a beat, then looks down at his ripped jeans, "He said he loves you…”

“Oh… yeah, he told me that too." 

He looks up at you and nods. "Look, I don’t want to get in between love, you know. If deep down you want to be with him-”

“Jeez, I don’t love the jerk, Hoseok,” you interrupt, irritation causing your hand to brush your tangled hair back. “What else did he tell you?" 

He scoffs, leaning back on his hands again, "That he’s not going to back down or whatever. And that I should back off.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake…" 

Hoseok shrugs, "That doesn’t intimidate me,  _he_  doesn’t intimidate me actually, but if he thinks that I’m going to stop this if you don’t want to stop it, then he’s kidding himself." 

With a hand, you reach up to tug the thread from where his jeans are ripped. "I like this, we’re not ending it, but I don’t want Yugyeom worrying you. I wouldn’t be doing this if I thought for even a second that I’d get back together with him. That’d just be a fucking mess…”

“Yeah…" 

"I’ll talk to him." 

Hoseok sits up one more time. His hand reaches forward to cup your cheek and tilt your head up towards him. He leans down, his eyes darting to your lips before brushing his softly against yours. 

Eyes flutter close, you part your lips and take his bottom lip in between yours, his taking your upper lip and kissing so softly and slowly that you feel the kiss up your spine and down to the pit of your stomach as well. He doesn’t deepen the kiss, he only kisses you for a minute or so like this, then leans back to look at you.

"Need a ride home, Plum?" 

You shake your head, and when you finally find your voice and air, you say, "I think all of my friends are drunk. I’ll probably have to drive Taehyung’s car.”

“They could stay here if they want." 

"I don’t think Chaeyoung and her girlfriend will want to…" 

"Oh,” Hoseok says with amusement, “right."  

* * *

 

Five days since the party have passed, and you’re glad that Yugyeom only managed to text you twice since then. You’re unsure why you just don’t tell him to leave you alone already. You tried searching deep inside for some unresolved feelings, maybe just some feeling for him in general, but you couldn’t find anything other than pity. He’s in love with you, and you know what it’s like to be in love, so to have someone tell you they don’t love you back is not necessarily something one can handle hearing. He believes you’ll love him again someday, but you won’t. You don’t want the same things as him—even if he does claim to not want the things he wanted before, you can’t bring yourself to completely believe him. 

Yugyeom has changed. He’s not the guy he used to be when you were with him. He goes to parties now, has more friends, and is finally starting to speak his mind. You’re happy for him, glad that he’s doing that, but that doesn’t mean you’re going to take him back. 

Another vibration from your phone reminds you of the message he left for you while you were in class.

> **Yugyeom:**  Can we meet at the school cafe? I want to talk to you… I want to see you… 
> 
> **You:**  only for a bit Yugyeom. I want to get a head start on my homework because I have a double shift tomorrow. 
> 
> **Yugyeom:**  Absolutely, however long you want to meet I’m game. 

When you walk inside the café, he’s sitting on the table by the window to the right of the entrance—the table you love because you can see out to the trees in the park across the short parking lot that is always empty at this hour. There’s two drinks in front of him, a hot black coffee for him, and a tea for you. 

"They ran out of green tea so I got you peach." 

"Thanks,” is all you say as you sit across from him, not even bothering to slip off your backpack. You reach for the drink and sip a little, the hot liquid scorching your tongue so you flinch, putting the cup down and realizing you should’ve probably waited to drink it. 

“How’s your week going?” Yugyeom asks quietly, breaking the silence of the quiet shop. There’s only a few students inside, but all have their headphones on and are glued to their computers. 

A nod is all you give him as you toy around with the loose cup holder, twisting it around the foam cup. 

“I wanted to meet because I want to know if you’ve considered taking me back?”

Your stomach twists uncomfortably at his question. Glancing at him for a beat, you notice the guarded yet vulnerable look on his face, like he doesn’t want you to know he’s nervous but failing to do so. 

“Yugyeom, I understand that you’ve changed,” you begin, finally looking up from your drink to find his eyes. “and I think that’s great, really, I do. You’re more open about your emotions, and you’re getting out of your shell by hanging out with your co-workers more often, but… as much of an effort I see you making, it doesn’t change the fact that I don’t have feelings for you anymore. A part of me probably wishes I did, because I like the comfort and familiarity between us, but the feelings are just not there." 

Yugyeom’s jaw tenses and he looks down at his cup. "Is it  _him_?” he whispers. 

“Who? Hoseok?" 

"You know he’s a sociopath, right? He’ll never have feelings for you,” he adds in a low, angry tone. 

You understand he’s upset but going as far as to call Hoseok that is intolerable. “Listen Yugyeom, it’s none of your business what I do or don’t do with him, but if you must know, I’m not looking for a relationship, like I’ve told you. I’m not hooking up with him in hopes of some kind of relationship." 

"He’s incapable of feelings Y/N. he cheated on his ex, you know that?” he asks, his tone quite condescending. 

“So did you.” Yugyeom flinches at your bluntness. "But yes, I know. He told me.“ 

He only raises an eyebrow and looks away. 

"This isn’t about me and Hoseok. It has nothing to do with him. Except, maybe stop confronting him like some kind of jealous 17-year-old. We’re not together, Yugyeom, and we won’t be.”

His jaw tenses again, then he turns to glare at you, which causes you to lean back on your chair a little, uncomfortable with the stare in his eyes. “Tell me to leave you alone. Tell me you don’t want to see me again." 

You’re silent, merely staring at him, and then you realize you haven’t spoken in a while. 

"You can’t, can you?" 

Finally, you look down at your cup and take a sip, the drink now comfortably warm against your tongue. "We dated for so long Yugyeom. I never wanted to lose you, but you broke up with me, so I avoided you. I missed you a lot, and I know this is a shitty thing to say, but I always thought that if we ever broke up we’d try to stay friends.”

He scoffs. You know you sound insensitive but you’re not sure you can put it any other way. 

“I don’t want you to hate me. I don’t want to hate you. I have every reason to-”

“You do." 

"But I don’t want it to be like this. You’re going to see me a lot. We’re going to be around each other whether we want to or not. We have friends that are friends, we’ll be at the same parties, and I’m friends with a co-worker of yours… it’s  _inevitable_." 

"I wouldn’t call him your friend,” he mumbles but you ignore him. 

“Can you at least try, Yugyeom? For a few weeks, just try to be friendly. You don’t even have to be friendly to Hoseok, just… don’t do anything stupid when it comes to him." 

He looks at you, a short smile spreading over his face and you sigh in relief. "Of course I can. Like I said, I love you. I don’t hate you, nor will I force you to be with me, so I’ll try my best to remain friends." 

"Thank you,” you give him a broad smile, which he returns. You feel at ease and proud that you managed to do this without completely breaking his heart and making him hate you. 

Looking down at your watch, you realize you should get going. In that moment, Yugyeom stands from the table. 

“Want a ride?" 

"Um… yeah, please.” You’ll get home earlier and hopefully get to watch one of the movies assigned for the weekend. 

You wait outside for Yugyeom to pull up in his car, which he went to get to the parking lot across mid campus, so you pull out your phone to reply to the chat room your friends have on. 

“Nice ass, Plum.”

You jump at Hoseok’s voice behind you, almost dropping your phone on the ground but you catch it in time against your stomach. “What the hell, you scared the shit out of me!" 

He smirks and shrugs before taking a sip of an iced drink. The weather is chilly outside, so you’re surprised to find him drinking something cold. Then you look him over and find sweat on the chest of his shirt, his hair glistening against his forehead. 

"Dance class?" 

He nods, then steps in front of you, looking out into the park across. "What are you doing out here? Getting some air?" 

"Er, no, I just came out from in there. I was talking to Yugyeom." 

His attention sparks at the mention of his co-worker, taking another sip of his drink through the straw but his eyes remain on you. "Everything okay?” he asks after swallowing his drink. 

Nodding, you turn in the direction of the parking lot entrance to check if he’s coming, but see nothing. 

“It’s fine… he promised he’d try to remain friends." 

"Hmph,” you hear from Hoseok before he takes another sip. 

“What?" 

Shaking his head defensively, he steps closer to you, with a hand reaching up to pluck something from your shoulder. 

"Loose hair… and nothing Y/N. I just don’t know if he’ll actually last long before he starts acting like a dickhead.” The strong coffee smell hits your nose as he speaks, and your mouth waters a little. Licking your lips, you look up at him and find him smirking. 

Hoseok bites his bottom lip as his dark eyes roam your face, lingering on your lips before he looks down at your chest. “Sweater looks nice and tight on you…" 

You hide the smile threatening to break out at his words, and ignore the inviting twists in your stomach at hearing them. 

"And  _fuck_ … you smell like wet soil and peach, where you fucking rolling around in a fairy forest or some shit?” he asks, his voice lower and softer as he steps closer to you. He reaches forward with a hand and loops a long finger into one of the belt loops on your jeans, pulling on it to get you closer against him, your chest almost crushing against his. 

You gasp, big eyes looking up at him and the side grin on his face, mischievousness all over his eyes. 

“And you smell like sweat and coffee…” you trail off, eyes roaming down his neck and onto his long sleeve shirt, to where it’s sticking to his chest and you can see the outline of his muscles. 

With his free hand, he reaches to cup your neck, his thumb brushing against your jawline and forcing you to tilt your head up to look at him. “Want a ride home, Plum?" 

"Fuck,” you mutter before closing your eyes for beat, only to open them back up right away to find him frowning. 

“Yugyeom is taking you?”

Nodding, you reach up to grip his upper arms with the intention of prying him away from you, but you don’t even try to move him away, you just hold his arms and enjoy the way his muscles feel under your palms.  

“Okay,” he says, his eyes darting away from you to look past you, but turning back to you right away. “Can I meet you there in a bit then?” he whispers. 

_I could always do my homework on Saturday and Sunday._

You’re halfway through nodding in agreement before he kisses you, his hand moving to the back of your neck to pull you up towards him as he leans down, lips crashing against yours. You can faintly taste the coffee on his lips as he kisses you, but when his tongue darts out and you taste it, you can taste the bitter sweetness of the coffee beans and the creamer. Your hands move up his arms, his shoulders, and tangle in his still wet hair, tugging him closer to you as he pulls on your hair and crashes your chest against his. 

He suddenly parts the kiss and looks wide eyed at you, “Fuck, baby, are you wearing one of those damn bralettes?” he breathes out. Looking down at your chest, he finds your perked nipples just visible against the sweater you wear, his tongue darting out to lick his bottom lip before he bites down on it. 

Your face flushes red, but before you can say something snarky about his staring, you hear footsteps reach to a stop behind you. 

“I know you saw me get out of the car and walking over, Hoseok." 

You move away from Hoseok and turn to find Yugyeom glaring at him. Quickly, you fold your arms in front of your chest at a weird level to cover up your breasts. 

Turning to question Hoseok, you find him smirking, making your stomach twist uncomfortably. 

"Just saying hello to Y/N,” he says, the smile still on his face when he turns to look at you, “See you in a bit, Plum.” He winks before he starts walking off.

“Really?” You whisper to yourself, exasperated with these two. 

“You really have some nerve, but you only look pathetic!” Yugyeom says after Hoseok walks past him, which makes the latter man stop and turn with a side smile already on his amused expression. 

“That’s rich coming from you. Out of the two of us, you’re the most pathetic." 

"Alright, that’s enough from you two idiots,” you practically shout, “I’m taking the bus home, and I’ll be doing homework when I get to the apartment so no one fucking interrupt me!”

They try to protest but you ignore them and walk past them. 

When you reach the corner bus stop, you realize Hoseok had been following you. You turn to check if Yugyeom also followed, but then you see his car speed in the opposite direction.

You ignore Hoseok and sit on the bench by the bus stop sign. With a sigh, he sits next to you, turning slightly to drape an arm over the back of the bench, right by the back of your head.

“I’m sorry, Y/N, he just pisses me off,” Hoseok says in a quiet voice, one you’re not used to hearing.

Giving him a skeptical side look, you sigh. “Why? Why do you care so much? Don’t let him get to you.”

Hoseok clears his throat before placing his index finger under your chin, silently asking you to look at him. When you do, he smiles lightly. “You know how I told you that he talked to me… told me how he loves you and all that crap?”

“Yeah.”

“He… he also told me some things I did not enjoy hearing.” His finger falls from holding your skin but lands on your thigh.

“What did he say?”

He shrugs, “Eh, he said a lot… something about you only using me, that I’m just an unpaid male prostitute, and that you’ll be done with me soon. That I’m kidding myself if I think you and I are friends, blah blah… he just pissed me off.”

Your eyes widen in surprise as Hoseok tells you the terrible things Yugyeom said. “Oh my gosh, what an asshole!”

“Obviously.”

You slap his arm, “I’m serious Hoseok! I’m sorry he said all those shitty things… calling you an unpaid prostitute, what the fuck is his problem?”

Hoseok just squeezes your thigh and shrugs again.

“He clearly has no respect for sex workers and he’s also intimidated by me,” he finally says.

“I’m sorry,” you repeat, a little quieter.

He smiles and pinches your chin with his thumb and forefinger, “Don’t apologize for that idiot, Plum.”

“Gosh, you have to work with the guy, and you have to put up with this shit just because of this thing-“

“Hey,” he tugs at your chin for you to make eye contact with him, “don’t worry about that shit. I’m gonna avoid him as best I can. Plus, it’s worth it,” he says with a side grin, “the sex is worth putting up with this jerk.”

Smiling and trying to ignore the way his words twists your stomach. “Fine… you can give me a ride I guess…”

“Yes!” he practically shouts as he stands up, already with your hand in his to drag you to his car. “For the record I did not tell you this so you’d let me give you a ride, but the fact that I get to watch  _you_  ride  _me_  for doing so is fucking great.”

You can’t help the grin on your face as you slap his arm once more, “Shut up you idiot.”

* * *

 

For a while you haven’t seen Yugyeom, and Hoseok claims he has left him alone at work. Everything is running smoothly, finals are just around the corner and you’re keeping up with most of your assignments, although you have to admit Hoseok has made you fall behind on some films. But it’s fine, you’re not going to panic, rather you’re going to sit down and plan out your schedule for the rest of the semester, making sure not to overwhelm yourself with too much homework or too many shifts at the same time for the sake of your sanity.

As you start filling in the remaining days of the calendar, a body bends behind you and Hoseok’s face pops up above your shoulder. “Hmm, thanks for leaving some time for me, but isn’t it weird to plan out sex?”

You laugh before putting a star next to his name on the box for this Saturday. “I’m only adding you there because you’ve already invited me over, remember?”

“Ahh true.” He takes the seat beside you and grabs your cup now filled with cold green mint tea. He makes a face after taking a long swig, clearly a mistake, and you laugh again. “Gosh that’s fucking disgusting.”

“It helped with my cold,” you defend, giving him a look.

He feigns a pout as he leans over. “But you don’t even have that cold anymore, Plum.”

“I know, I just wanted to keep drinking it for a few days to keep the cold down. It’s one of the reasons why I know I’ll be able to hang out on Saturday.”

“Damn, in that case please keep drinking them!”

You roll your eyes and finish off the calendar as Hoseok gets up to pick up his coffee.

“Hey,” he says when he returns, his tone catching your attention. “So, the guys invited us over to their place tonight to hang out, is that okay?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t it be? We’ve been around them together before.”

He takes a seat again, placing his iced coffee down. “I know but, this is different. It’s a more intimate gathering. Jungkook said you and Chaeyoung were invited, and I just want to be sure you’re okay with that.”

You gather he is trying to say something about the fact that the girls the guys and Chaeyoung are seeing are gonna be there, which would leave the two of you. “Are you the only one going?”

“No, Jin and Yoongi are, and Namjoon said he might come over later but that he wasn’t sure yet.”

“Is Jin bringing his boyfriend, or Yoongi his girl?”

Hoseok shrugs, “I’m actually not sure. I know Jimin didn’t want to make this into a party. He just wanted us to come over and drink, and just hang out. Yet, he asked me to get some stuff before I head over so who knows… this might turn into a party.”

“I doubt it,” you argue, finally moving to put your stuff away. “It’s Thursday, and they have work tomorrow. Most likely they just want to hang out with you guys. They’ve been spending a lot of time with us since both me Chaeyoung got sick—I think they feel like they need to hang out with you guys. Chae even suggested not going today to let them off the hook, they’ve been really sweet all week, we both think they only invited us to be nice.”

“Oh come on, you two are their best friends,” he says as he follows you out the door.

“Yeah but… it’s different now. They have you guys, I sometimes think we are not really their friends anymore—we’re more their family. I can see how sometimes they would rather go hang out with the guys they have a lot of things in common with.”

He bumps your shoulder. “Please, Jungkook couldn’t shut up about you if he tried. And Taehyung I think is attached to Chaeyoung like a dog is to a man. They love you guys. Taehyung ditched us once because Chaeyoung didn’t have anyone to go to the movies with because you were at work.”

You beam at that, remembering how she had texted you whining about having to go to the movies alone only to send another message a few minutes later that read “nvrmnd, Tae dropped everything to come with me, a great friend you are!”

“Oh, right,” you say. “Maybe I just feel bad they had to take care of us this week.”

Once inside his car, you remember what Hoseok had done so you turn to give him a smile.

“What?”

“Nothing just… thanks for all the food you brought over during the week.”

He smiles lightly as he turns on his car. “How did you know?”

“Please, those three men are so damn paranoid when we get sick, that the last thing they would do is leave us alone. Every time they came into our apartment with food when one of them was watching over us while the other two were at work or school, there was no way they would have left for such a long period to get that much food.”

“Hey, it could’ve been Chaeyoung’s girlfriend!” He exclaims, the smile still on his face as he pulls out of the parking lot.

“Please she doesn’t know me enough to know that I love caramel dip for my churros.”

You turn to look at his side profile, wondering if he’s thinking about the night too. The night when the extra dip you had bought that day—which is how he found how you take your churros—was used for inappropriate things it is not intended to be used for.

His teeth bite over his bottom lip and you giggle. The ghost of his lips and his tongue on your breast flash over in the memory of your skin, making your bra cut at the skin as the imagery alone arouses you. You shake your head and turn away, not really saying anything because you don’t want it to turn into another sex in the car incident which only left you sore and bruised—and not for the good reasons—plus you still have to stop by the grocery store. You let his hand fall on your thigh though, leave its warmth there to squeeze your jeans and seethe through the fabric to meet your skin.

“That was an interesting night…” he says finally, clearly still thinking about it.

You laugh a little. “Yeah Hobi, interesting…”

You both go through the list he was given by Jungkook and Jimin quite quickly, and when you meet at the chip isle you freeze in your tracks.

Hoseok smiles at you as he waves the jar of cheese dip you’d claimed the store no longer carried, his expression triumphant until he realizes the embarrassed expression on your face.

There at the corner of the isle, leaning over to get a bag of veggie chips, is Brian. The guy who gave you the contagious cold in the first place. When he grabs his bag, he turns and spots you, his face lighting up.

“Hey Y/N!”

“Hi Brian,” you say quietly as he walks over to you and Hoseok.  _Hoseok, oh shit, how do I even introduce him?_  “Hey um, this is my friend Hoseok, Hoseok this is Brian.”

“Hey man, nice to meet you,” Brian says, his tone genuine as he shakes the hand of a confused Hoseok.

“Yeah you too…”

“He goes to the same school as us…”

“Oh cool,” they both say.

There’s an awkward silence before Brian turns to you with a warm smile. “How are you feeling? Better?”

“Oh yes, a ton better actually. Thanks for asking.”

“Yeah, I mean, gosh I’m so sorry. I feel so bad that I made us go have a stupid picnic on a cloudy day, like who does that?! Of course, it’s going to fucking rain Brian!” he scolds himself.

“Don’t worry about it, its fine! I had fun. Everything was nice before, you know-“

“It started pouring and you got a cold? Yeah, the setup was nice I guess.”

You shrug, laughing a little. “It’s alright, don’t beat yourself up about it. I’m sure we’ll get to enjoy that picnic to its full potential soon.”

“I would love to!”

Hoseok clears his throat beside you, his silence almost making you forget he was indeed standing  _this_  close to you. “We should go if we don’t want to be killed by Jimin.”

“Oh right! Sorry Brian, we have to go, but ill see you soon!”

“I’ll call you,” he shouts after you.

Hoseok doesn’t say anything while you pay, not even when you try to give him money. He only brushes it away and takes the bags, walking quickly to the car.

You’re inside before him as he places everything in the trunk. When he gets in, his body slumps against the chair as he looks out to the parking lot.

“What’s going on?” you ask, reaching for his arm.

He shrugs before he turns to turn on the ignition. “I just didn’t know you were dating.”

 _He’s upset about that?_  “Oh well… I mean, I’ve only gone out with Brian once, but yeah, I guess in a way I am. But it’s nothing serious, he’d just been asking me for a while and I finally decided ‘why not’ you know?”

“Right yeah…”

You reach for his arm again to tug at it, wanting him to turn to look at you. “Are you upset about that for some reason?”

“I mean… not really. I’m just… I was side-blinded a bit.”

“Oh, I’m sorry about that.”

He shrugs it off again, giving you a strange expression. “It’s fine, I just… you know, if we’re friends, I want to know if you’re gonna be going out with other people, yeah?” He turns in his seat to look at you, his eyes searching your face until they finally fall on your own. “Not like going out with ‘other’ people, cause like, we are not going out, but if you’re planning on dating, I want to know.”

You can’t really place the look on his face, but your insides feel a little off, your chest constricted as you look at him struggle to explain what he means.

“No yeah, I’ll tell you next time I go out with him, or if I go out with anyone else.”

He purses his lips but nods nonetheless. “And if you ever want something serious with him?”

“Yeah, of course I’ll tell you.” You reach out to take his hand and he lets you. You hadn’t wondered how this could be a problem, because it could clearly cause some drama. That’s what Hoseok wants to avoid, right? “I just wasn’t sure if we were sharing anything like this since you’ve never really said about hooking up with other girls.”

Hoseok finally turns around, getting back to the car and slowly pulling out of the parking spot. “No well, that’s different. This isn’t hooking up, you went on like an actual date with the guy.”

“True, yeah. That is different,” you whisper, and you don’t say anything again until you’re inside your apartment with your friends there to spark conversation with.

Hoseok doesn’t bring up Brian or the talk again. Half way through the night, he finds his way next to you and smiles, not really saying anything as you all sit around the kitchen island (aka your breakfast and dining table). He stands beside you, pressing his body against you before he takes a stool and sits beside you, his legs parted and spreading open, so you fit between him. You turn to give him a smile and he winks, pinching your side before he turns to continue his conversation with Yoongi.

You stare at him for a beat and begin to wonder if you really want to go out with sweet, handsome Brian again. If he is someone you want to pursue, or if this is what you want; the causality of you and Hoseok, a man clearly wanting to avoid all the drama possible who is interested in one thing and one thing only. You don’t remember exactly what made you say yes to Brian, maybe he is just  _that_ charming, and he has asked you out a few times before but you always said no, taking a leap at the idea of being ready for daitng. Or are you really ready for dating, for the butterflies and the anxiety, for rawness and vulnerability, for laying your trust on someone new?


	4. four

The heat inside the bathroom has made it stuffy, and the heat emitting from both your body and Hoseok’s only adds to the sweat inducing atmosphere. However, it’s nothing compared to the sweat inducing activity you’d just done that has you both panting. Your arms are around his shoulders, thighs straddling the naked bottom half of his body as you breathe heavily, your lips just hovering above his. His breath fans over your face, and the grin on his face makes you smile back at him.

“It’d be hilarious if we unglued the toilet from the floor,” he whispers, his comment making you laugh.

He tightens his hold on you momentarily before you try to get up and separate each other. Raising an eyebrow, you give him a teasing look as he reaches to the cupboard above him for a hand towel.

“Have you broken a toilet before?”

“No,” he says, clearly flustered as the redness on his cheeks from the exertion of sex deepens from the embarrassment.

You clean yourself up before zipping up your pants, then stand by the mirror while he removes the condom used and freshens up. In the reflection, the sweat has given the small amount of make up you wore today look strange, so you splash some water on your face and decide to remove it all together.

“You wouldn’t happen to have some face wipes, do you?”

Hoseok steps closer to you, resting his hip on the sink as a hand comes up to cup one of your ass cheeks while he opens a compartment behind the mirror with the other. “Actually, we have some makeup remover wipes. I sometimes have to wear make up for work.”

“Cool, thanks!”

Hoseok watches as you remove your make up, not lasting long at his observation before he leans in, brushes your hair back to start nibbling under your ear. Your skin sparks at his lips, making you wiggle in his arms.

“Stop it!“

You can feel his smile while he nibbles. His teeth scratch at the surface of your skin softly and you whimper his name and for him to stop before the pit of your stomach burns deeper and you get distracted by him again.

“Won’t they say something because you’re not wearing makeup?”

“Nope,” you assure as you try to push him off playfully but he only grins down at you, teeth bitting over his bottom lip. “They know I don’t last very long with make up. It wouldn’t be the first time I remove it in the middle of the day.” You two have been gone for a while though, so a part of you thinks the group downstairs may suspect something, but you hope they’ve been distracted by their conversations long enough to not have noticed how long you’ve disappeared.

When you and Hoseok make it downstairs, the guys and Chaeyoung are still engaged in conversation. Seokjin and Namjoon had gone to pick up Yoongi from school and to pick up some pizzas, luckily they aren’t back yet since you’d disappeared right as they were leaving.

Hoseok gives your ass a good squeeze before you both return to the conversations, separated after being connected through your bodies not but ten minutes ago.

The rest of the night passes by unquestioned, even by Chaeyoung who usually notices you disappearing or that you’re hiding something, but she seems to be enjoying herself, maybe even warming up to the guys. Somehow that makes you glad, you want them all to get along. You wonder how weird it was before Jungkook, Taehyung, and Jimin had introduced you both to the other half of their closest friends, it was like not really knowing your friends’s lives when they live right across from you. Chaeyoung has expressed her uncertainty with Hoseok and his friends, she never really liked how they’d taken over Taehyung, Jimin, and Jungkook, but she seems to be warming up to them in a way you’d never imagined she would. Maybe she’ll even consider some of them her friends. She’d taken a liking to Namjoon, even expressed him being a nice guy (and lucky because of how hot his girlfriend is).

Seokjin has been a little down all night, not his upbeat self, so he’s been hanging out on one of the chairs in the living room, constantly staring at his phone. You decide to walk over and get him a slice of pizza and a can of beer.

“Hey, thought you’d be hungry.”

“Oh, thanks. Y/N, right?”

You nod and he tries to give you a smile but it falters before he looks down at his phone again, placing the plate with the slice on his lap. You place the can on the coffee table and take a seat on the couch adjacent to him.

“Is everything okay?”

Seokjin sighs before putting his pone down and looking up at you. “Yeah, I mean… I don’t know. I’ve been hooking up with this guy right, but recently he’s been silent. I text him and he replies really late and his excuses are half assed. I’d prefer he was honest with me, you know? Like, I thought we were official, but now I’m not so sure….”

“Yea, of course.”

“He’s a dick, buddy,” Hoseok says, suddenly standing by the archway.

Seokjin snorts. “He’s got a good one,” he mumbles, and you and Hoseok grin at each other in amusement while Seokjin snorts at his own joke.

Hoseok takes a seat on the arm of the chair Seokjin is on and puts his arm around his friend. “Do you like him, Jin?”

“Fuck yeah, I do. He’s awesome. Except for you know, his recent shitty behavior.”

Hoseok pats his shoulder, “Then you be honest with him. Tell him what you want, and if he doesn’t feel the same way then that’s his loss dude, you can do better. You shouldn’t have to wait around for him to decide to be honest, go pry it out of him. And if you feel like you can’t trust him, then maybe you shouldn’t be wasting your time on him.” He gives him that sun-like grin of his and Seokjin smiles back.

You can’t help but stare in awe at Hoseok. You smile at him when he catches you staring.

“I really hate it when you give me relationship advice. It feels wrong,” Seokjin teases, at which Hoseok punches his shoulder.

“Fuck off!”

With a smile, you walk out towards your friends, and leave Hoseok to cheer Seokjin up.

When the pizza boxes are empty and the sky outside is a dark navy blue, Chaeyoung reminds you of school tomorrow. Jungkook volunteers to take you in his car as Taehyung and Jimin had planned to stay longer to work on some stuff with the guys.

Before you step out, Hoseok catches your hand and pulls you back.

“I’ll be right out Chae!” you shout when she notices halfway through the front lawn of the guys’ home that you haven’t been following her.

You turn to face Hoseok who has an unreadable expression. “What’s up?”

“Hey, can I see you on Thursday?”

“Thursday?” You mull his question for a bit, running your week’s schedule through your head. You’re pretty sure you have a late shift that night that a coworker asked you to cover, and you have class in the morning and afternoon. “I don’t think I can after school, why?”

Hoseok bites his bottom lip, kneading it a bit as his gaze moves over you face. “You can’t get out of it?” he finally asks.

You laugh a little, the sound coming out like “hummph” as you frown up at him. “You want me to miss work for sex? Hoseok, our sex is good but I need to work, what’s going on?”

He laughs too, as if barely realizing what he’s asking. “No yeah, you’re right, I know. It’s just, I won’t be able to see you this weekend.”

“Oh, why not?” His statement makes a simple realization come to you—you haven’t gone a weekend without seeing him in a while. It’s not that you two wanted to schedule sex, but it became a habit to see each other on the weekends. Sometimes weekday meet ups occur, but it’s rare. Now, it’s strange you won’t see him this weekend.

“I have a performances outside of town for work and I leave Friday morning.”

“Oh,” is all you say. You’re both silent for a beat. Hoseok looks out to the car waiting for you outside, his hand still clasping yours. Finally, you step closer and he looks away from the car and focuses on you. “I’ll see what I can do. Maybe we can meet for a quickie between my classes, or before my shift,” you say, a smirk already forming.

Hoseok’s face breaks into a smirk before he leans down to kiss you. It’s short and superficial, but it’s enough to leave you wanting more. But you have to leave, so you pull your hand from his and walk out, knowing perfectly well he’s watching you leave.

Back at the apartment, Chaeyoung walks in on you making tea in the kitchen. “Hey, want a cup?”

“Sure.”

You both stay silent for a while, just drinking your teas by the counter, until finally Chaeyoung clears her throat. “Hey, can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“Are you and Hoseok, like, together?”

You snort, “What, no, why? We’re just hooking up.”

Chaeyoung places her teacup on the counter. “But you guys are friends right?” When you nod, she continues, “It’s just… the way you guys are around each other. You seem close. I just… what if you fall for him, or he falls for you?”

“Chae, that won’t happen, don’t worry. I don’t want a relationship right now. I went out with Brian remember, but I just don’t think I’m ready for that. But when I am, I will tell Hoseok and end it.”

“Will you?”

You gulp down the rest of your tea and place it down on the counter. You have friendly feelings towards him, sure, and clearly sexual ones, but you know when to draw the line, you’re not stupid. “I know what I’m doing, Chae.”

“Babe, I don’t doubt it… it’s just… what if he wants more? I don’t want you to get hurt, he—“

“Cheated on his ex, gosh I know.”

“Sorry, I thought you didn’t, I’m guessing he told you. But you guys are only seeing each other, so it’s natural that feelings may develop, I just want you to be careful.”

“We’re not exclusive,” you say before taking her mug and your own to rinse on the sink. You don’t want to argue with your best friend, you know she is coming from a good place, but she doesn’t know how you and Hoseok work.

“Oh, is he sleeping with other people?”

“Yep,” you say as you scrub a mug.

“And you’re sure about it?” You nod. “And you’re okay with that?”

“Jeez, Chae, yes I am. We’re being careful, I promise. It’s just sex. I won’t allow myself to be hurt again.”

“Okay… just watching out,” you hear her say quietly when you shut off the water as she’s leaving.

“I know,” you assure.  

Chaeyoung’s questions keep bothering you once you’re laying in bed. Biting your lip, you reach for your phone on the bedside table and text Hoseok.

 **You:**   _Hey, you asleep?_  [11:12]

 **Hoseok:**   _nope, what’s up plum_  [11:12]

 **You:**   _Can I ask you something??_  [11:13]

 **Hoseok:**   _anything_  [11:13]

 **You:** _You’re sleeping with other people rihght?_  [11:13]

You hold your breath as you watch your screen, watching the little dots telling you he is still typing. Your teeth are biting down on your lip so tight it’s starting to hurt.

 **Hoseok:** _umm yeah, I mean, you knew that right?_ [11:15]

 **Hoseok:** _like, it’s the arrangement we have right?_ [11:15]

You sigh, letting go of your bottom lip and typing up a reply to him.

 **You:**   _Yeah, of course. We sleep with other people, as long as we tell each other if we ever want something more with someone else._  [11:16]

 **Hoseok:**   _wont happen with me plum ;) but are you telling me you wanna see that Brent dude?_ [11:16

 **You:**   _Brian? No. I was just making sure._ [11:17]

 **Hoseok** :  _ahh, no worries plum. Hope to see you Thursday ;p_ [11:17]

 **You:**   _Will try my best Hobi ;)_ [11:18]

* * *

 

Brian had asked you out again. Turning him down, indefinitely, was tougher than you’d thought it would’ve, but he seems to really like you which also means he may never give up hope. You tell him the truth, that you’re not ready for anything serious, and his understanding surprises you. Probably because you were so used to Yugyeom’s pushiness.

It hasn’t been the best weekend. You didn’t get to see Hoseok before he left, and he texted saying they have another two performances next weekend so you won’t get to see him until Wednesday because of rehearsals. Finals are next week and you could really use the distraction.

Wrapping the long scarf around your neck, you follow Chaeyoung out of Taehyung’s car and head towards campus.

“Thanks for waiting, you jerks!” Taehyung shouts when he steps out, so you both stop in your tracks to wait for him to catch up.

“Hey, have you applied for any internships for next summer yet?” Chaeyoung asks once you start walking again.

You look nervously between your friends and nod. “Only two. There’s another one I want to apply for during winter break, it’s for the city film journal,  _The Sunrise_ , I would get to work with the film writers and I’d actually get paid but… it’s a long shot.”

“Whoa, you should still go for it, you never know,” Taehyung says.

Chaeyoung wraps an arm around you and budges your shoulder slightly. “You’ll get it, you have a great resume!”

“True, your pieces in the school journal are great.”

“What would you know, don’t listen to him, listen to me. Your pieces are great!”

Taehyung reaches over and tries to slap Chaeyoung’s arm but she jumps away yelping. “You bitch, stop being a jerk!”

“ _Kids_ ,”you say jokingly as they start chasing each other around you.

“When are you gonna stop being mad at me!”

“When you return all the Halloween Oreos you stole, Tae. I fucking hoarded those since October!”

“They’re the same as regular Oreos!”

“ _Big mistake_ ,”you whisper right before Chaeyoung goes into attack mode and slaps him with her bag, causing you to crack up at the fearful look on Taehyung’s face.

You watch them argue for a bit longer before you have to turn into a building. You’re surprised to find a grinning Hoseok outside the classroom, but you smile as you approach him. You’re about fifteen minutes early and he stood just by the door, where he could look out through the building glass doors and spot you.

“Hey!” you say cheerfully.

Hoseok stretches his arms out and you step in for a hug. “Hey, Plum,” he says into the crook of your neck, right against your scarf.

“Thought I wasn’t going to see you until Wednesday.”

“Yeah, my class got cancelled. Professor’s car broke down,” he says, his arms still around your waist, but when another person steps into the building you step away from him. He frowns for a second but brushes it off. “She cancelled practice too, but we might still go in together and practice without her since some of us have that performance.”

“Oh okay, that’s really responsible,” you say with a smile and Hoseok narrows his eyes playfully.

“What’s  _that_  supposed to mean?”

“I’m teasing!”

“Whatever,” he says rolling his eyes. “What do you have after this class?”

“I have an hour and a half break, why?”

“I’ll probably go to practice now for like an hour or so, want to meet up after? We can go to my place?”

Your mouth and lips are dry so you lick your lips and watch as Hoseok stares at you lips. His gaze changes from the soft, humorous look, to this deep, serious expression. It’s too damn early for this, yet your stomach twists when his eyes turn up to look into yours. “Yeah, sounds good.”

* * *

 

Hoseok sits up to reach for his scattered shirt at the edge of his bed. He pulls it over his naked body and you stare at the way the muscles on his back constrict, the tan skin there so smooth, with remnant scars left from your finger nails during sex.

He turns to give you smile before he reaches down to the floor, then tosses your shirt and bra over to you. You take them into your hand but cuddle further into his bed, covering yourself with the blanket. After the activity, the cool whether is affecting your skin again, and since you no longer have the heat of his body and the friction between you to keep you warm, the blanket has to do.

Hoseok stands to pull on his sweats, but lays back down on his side, facing you. “Come on Plum, don’t you have to get to class in like thirty minutes?” he asks, the corner of his lip twitching into a side grin.

You shrug. “I’m ahead in my studying…” you trail off, reaching towards him to run your hand up his stomach, and up to his shoulder to grip him and pull him closer. The pit of your stomach is already burning in protest, in need for him again, and you suddenly don’t care about class, or anything else. You want him again, you need the distraction, the passion, the heat. You just want his body against yours.

He chuckles and smirks, but he softly wraps his long fingers around your wrist and pulls you away, his expression suddenly turning serious. “I don’t want to keep you from school, come on, we can stop for a coffee or something. I’ll fondle you before you go in.”

“Shut up,” you laugh and slap his shoulder. You grip the fabric of his white shirt and pull him down on top of you. “I’m serious though, I don’t mind missing. It’ll just be review.” You reach up to kiss him but he gives you a small smile and leans back. “Okay, what’s going on?”

“Nothing, I just think I should take you to class.”

“Um, yeah, I honestly don’t believe you. What’s up? Any other day, you’d jump at the chance for me to miss class to have sex.”

Hoseok snorts, his gaze turned from you. He grips your hip and pulls you away so he may sit up.

“Nothing, just trying to get you to class.”

“But I’m saying I don’t want to go. Seriously, what’s going on with you?”

You think back on earlier in the day, how he picked you up after class and he was extremely touchy. He kept asking if you wanted anything to eat or drink before coming to his place. Even during sex, he didn’t allow himself to come until you’d come twice. He’s been attentive, more than usual.

Suddenly your stomach twists uncomfortably and you decide to try something out. You sit up to wrap your arms around him, the blanket still secure around your chest but you press against him, your chin rests on his shoulder and you lean over to kiss the crook of his neck.

Lowering your voice and whispering slowly, you say, “Come on, I miss your mouth on me Hobi…”

“For fuck’s sake,” he sighs, tone almost amused. He turns to give you a look but he looks sad more than aroused.

He’s ending it. He found someone.

“Please, just tell me then; if you don’t want to have sex, then what is it?”

Hoseok bites his bottom lip. “I need to tell you something, and I’m not sure how it might change things.” His eyebrows furrow and his gaze falls onto your eyes. Your stomach twists uncomfortably once more.

You reach for the shirt and bra and quickly pull them on, he waits for you to get your jeans on and sit down beside him. You start kneading on your lip when he stands and looks down at you.

“Okay, I know you’ll be mad at me, but I need you to listen to everything I want to say before you do so, okay?”

“O-kay…?”

Hoseok takes a deep breath, shoves his hands in the pocket of his jeans and looks down at you with this very vulnerable expression, one you’d never seen him with and you’re suddenly scared of what he might say. Your palms are sweaty and your stomach is in a twist.

“Remember what you asked me this weekend?”

Your mind runs with memories of your texts. You asked him several things throughout the days, so you’re unsure to which specific question he’s referring to. But he doesn’t wait for you to figure it out.

“I-I… I um, I lied, Y/N.”

You frown at him,  _what the hell is he talking about_. “Lied about what, Hoseok?”

He clears his throat and runs a hand through his hair, parting it in the middle, causing his bangs to fall on either side of is forehead. You always found that hairstyle on him handsome.

“About sleeping with other people, Y/N. I haven’t slept with anyone else since the day at the laundromat.”

Your stomach drops and your mouth falls opens. You want to say something but you don’t know what. You just stare up at him, confused. He waits a few seconds but before he can start talking, you suddenly stand and step away from him, running a hand through your own hair. “Wait, wait… what?”

“It’s not that I planned it like that since then, I mean, then I wanted to sleep with other people. I had planned to, but I didn’t have time to see anyone else. Then when we started hooking up more, I don’t know… I just wasn’t interested. Suddenly I-… I just wanted to hook up with you.”

“But I asked you… I asked you if you’d been sleeping with other people, and you fucking lied to me? Why?” You’re unsure what makes you more upset, that he lied or that he’s only been sleeping with you. But you don’t know why that makes you mad. It just does.

Hoseok scoffs, and that smug look on his face is what makes the blood in your veins boil. “Why? Because that’s not what you wanted to hear,” he says quietly, tone annoyed that he even had to spell it out for you.

“What’s that supposed to mean?!” Your voice gets louder the angrier he makes you and you’re not sure where exactly this conversation is even headed yet.

“Noth- just… ugh.” He looks at you for a beat, you know your expression is fuming, but he’s considerably serene as he looks at you. “I think,” he sighs, “I think I want more.”

You literally take a step back from him. “ _What_?” Then you scoff, and he frowns.

It’s unbelievable because you have no idea where this is coming from and you’re unsure if he’s playing some sick joke on you.

“No.” Your stomach twists uncomfortably again.

“ _No_?”

“No. What… where the hell is this coming from?”

Hoseok takes a step closer to you and you take one back, bumping into his dresser. He looks hurt at the act, as if you taking a step away from him hurts him. “It’s coming from me. I’m not going to lie and say I’m not confused because I am, but what I do know is that I want  _more_.”

“More? No, that wasn’t what we said, Hoseok, I didn’t think you’d ever… I can’t even form a coherent thought right now, what the hell are you talking about?”

“Would you rather I sleep with other people? Is that what you want?” He stretches a hand towards you, gesturing. He’s clearly frustrated too, and it’s all so confusing.

You run a hand through your hair again and groan. “Yeah.”

“I don’t want to,” he whispers, voice so quiet, so low, laden with… with something you can’t quite place. An emotion you can’t try to figure out because you’re too busy trying to figure out where your anger is coming from.

He stares at you for a minute, or maybe it was five seconds that felt like eternity. You don’t know at this point.

“Then we can’t do this,” you finally whisper.

His eyebrows furrow deeper and he takes a step closer to you. “Why?”

“Because, Hosoek, I want casual! That’s what we had agreed on, I-… I can’t. I didn’t even think I would have to worry about that with you!”

He’s taken aback by your words, “What is  _that_  supposed to mean?”

“I didn’t think you’d catch feelings? That’s the last thing I’d ever think!”

He flinches at your words and your stomach drops once more, your eyes widening as you realize how what you just said sounded.

“Right, because I’m just a fuck machine incapable of feelings. Forgot I wasn’t human.” His voice is so quiet, so heavy with hurt that you step towards him but he pulls back. “You should just go. Just fucking go, Y/N.” His shoulders hang as he turns from you and heads out of his own room and into the restroom across the hall.

Your chest feels heavy as you grab your sweater. Your eyes prickle as that expression on his face appears when you blink and you dab at your eyes. You pull your bag over your shoulder and walk out.

You stare at the door to the restroom and want more than anything to knock, but you know he won’t open the door.

However, you’re not sure you can leave without saying anything, so you step forward and knock on the door quietly. “Hoseok?”

“You’re going to be really late.”

“Hoseok please, I give zero fuck’s about class right now, please open the door.”

A few seconds later the door swings open and Hoseok stands there, looking down at you, his expression unreadable.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper, your voice breaking at the last word. You blink to keep the tears away. You hate crying, and you’re not entirely sure why it is you’re crying, but what you do know is that you didn’t mean what you said. At least you didn’t mean it the way it came out.

“I know.”

“I wasn’t trying to say-“

“I know.”

“I just meant that, I didn’t think this would happen. You seem so sure of what you want, and you’d said you wanted casual, and that’s exactly what I wanted, and now…”

His expression softens and he nods. “I’m confused too.”

“I’m… not.”

He narrows his eyes and tilts his head. “Even you can’t believe that tone of yours.”

“I know that I wanted this thing between us to be casual. That you’d be sleeping with other people.”

“And you?”

“If I wanted to yeah I would’ve.” And that’s when you realize what he means about you being confused. You keep saying you wanted him to sleep with other people, yet you never slept with anyone else.

Hoseok sighs, then steps beside you. “Come on, I’ll drive you home.”

You follow Hoseok to his car, running thoughts through your head and replaying every bit of the conversation—practically argument.

When he opens the door for you, your hand brushes the back of the palm of the hand resting by his side. He doesn’t say anything but he squeezes your hand lightly and only for a second before he lets go and leaves you to close the door so he can start the car.

Hoseok plays music during the ride, to drown the silence that spreads between you, but you realize you wish he hadn’t when you reach the corner of your street, and you wish you’d actually talked.

You get worried when he stops right outside the apartment building, insinuating he’s not going to park inside the lot so you can talk, but then he turns on his blinkers, so you know at least he might say something to you before you step out of his car.

He lowers the volume of the music almost all the way down, then turns to look at you.

“You want me to sleep with other people?” he asks, his voice quiet again.

Your stomach twists. You nod.

“You want me fucking other people, but you won’t fuck anyone else?” His voice is normal now, but laced with annoyance.

You shrug, then stammer with your words. “I don’t know. I guess not…”

Hoseok shakes his head and runs his fingers through his bangs to pull the hair back. “You just want me fucking other people so it gives you an excuse,” he practically whispers.

“An excuse for what?” you ask, but his words seem to hit something inside you. You’re taken aback, but a part of you is not surprised he said them.

“You want me fucking other people so that you have an excuse to  _not_  have feelings for me, because if you know that I don’t want anything with you, that will allow you to keep a distance from me. To keep me at arms length.”

“Hoseok-“ Your insides are twisting uncomfortably and you realize your eyes are burning as you watch him speak. He isn’t even looking at you, he’s just staring at the steering wheel.

“But it isn’t just about me not wanting anything with you, you need me to fuck others so that the fact alone keeps you from having feelings, because you know that if I were, the last thing you’d want is to have feelings for someone like that. You  _need_  me to be a fuckboy.”

You think you’ve lost your voice since your throat is dry, and it’s difficult to swallow, but you try to anyways, because you have to say something.

This is the most he has ever said to you about his personal feelings, and you’re shocked to say the least.

“Hobi… I don’t know…” you shake your head but reach for his hand as it rests on his thigh.

“Fuck, I’m scared too, okay,” he whispers as he moves his hand away before you can take it. “You’re my friend. I care about you.”

“So do I,” and you hate the way your voice cracks.

Finally, Hoseok looks away from the wheel and focuses his eyes on you, and the way they sparkle with all the pent up emotion, the beaten expression on his face, makes you reach for his hand again. This time he lets you take it, and you grip it so tightly.

“I don’t want this to be infatuation, okay, I don’t. And honestly… I don’t feel like it is. It’s not like that at all, which is why I think I should be more careful, not only for your sake but for my own.”

You have no idea what to say, you just blink and let the tears fall down your cheeks. Hoseok sees them and he closes his eyes, frown in place, like he doesn’t want to see you cry.

So, you let go of his hand and wipe at your tears, sniffling but trying to keep your composure because you know he’s not done talking, and frankly you have no idea what to say. You have no idea what to think. But his words keep ringing in your ear.

His eyes open and he clears his throat. “I think we should take some time. Just… not see each other during the winter break and take some time to think things through.”

 _That’s three weeks_.

You find your voice again and try to keep it steady. “I can’t even text you?”

He tries to smile, “Yeah, of course. If you need anything, you know, besides  _that_. I’ll be there. But I just think we both need it. You know?”

His eyes find yours and you find yourself nodding in agreement.

You have no idea what to say, so you give him a small smile, reach over quickly to plant a soft and short kiss on his cheek before making your way out of his car and walking as fast as you can into the building. You climb the six flights of stairs instead of waiting for the elevator, a lump in your throat, his words still haunting you.  _“You want me fucking other people so that you have an excuse to not have feelings for me.”_


	5. five

“Wait, what do you mean you’re not coming back yet?”

You sigh as you turn on your side, pushing some of the cushions off the bed but leaving enough to prop your head up by the arm.

How your mother managed to find enough pillows to drown your old bed in is still dumbfounding.

“I’m staying here a month longer. I dropped the winter class,” you say. Your eyes pan over the fading blue paint on the childhood bedroom. The film posters and pictures are still up, and the desk is still littered with some of the old notebooks you used in high school, your mother clearly unable to touch anything in fear of causing a ripple to your life—her exact words. She thought leaving everything as you left it would be better. Except when you asked for better pillows, she just bought four huge ones and a bunch of cushions.

“I’ve sent you the money for next months rent,” you add after Chaeyoung has given you the longest sigh.

“You’re literally across town, why are you staying there? Just come stay here.”

“I can’t, we’re leaving to visit my uncle in New York next week. We’re going to be out for two weeks.”

“Why are you doing this? I mean, I know you technically don’t need to take this class, you can take it during the semester, but I thought you wanted to have a semester that was less heavy?”

“I got the winter internship so I quit my job so I could focus on it. Everything has to be done through the internet; lots of back and forth emails between me and the journalist I’m interning for. It’s mostly research work, but I’m excited for it. Plus, I haven’t seen my parents in a while so I just wanted to stay with them for a bit longer. Like I said, I don’t really need the class.”

There’s a clink noise on the other side of the line and Chaeyoung curses. “Sorry, dropped my cup, but oh my gosh, I’m so happy for you babe! I know you were excited for it. Will you continue it once you start school?”

“It’s for three months, so technically? Yes. But only for a little while. Then all I can hope is to get the summer internship.”

“Are you sure this doesn’t have anything to do with, you know, the day you came in crying to the apartment—which you still have not explained to me.”

Your stomach twists at the memory, but you lay back down ignoring the uncomfortable sting at the pit of your stomach. “No it’s not because of that. I’ll explain it when I see you, I promise.”

“We should hang out while you’re still on break though, we miss you.”

“I miss you guys too. I’m sorry we couldn’t do our Christmas dinner this year, I just really wasn’t feeling it.”

“Because of-“

“No Chae. I’ll talk to you later, give the guys big fat kisses on the cheeks for me, I’ll be back to the apartment when I come back from visiting my uncle.”

Chaeyoung sighs. “Alright then, talk to you later babe.”

After you hang up, you lay down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling for a while. You could try to distract yourself with yet another movie, but you’ve gone through most of the additions to your father’s collection, and your mind has been racing too much to focus entirely on the stories you watch lately.

Your fingers twitch against your phone. You want to text Hoseok, you haven’t talked to him since that day, but he needed space so you feel it’d be wrong to be the first to message.

However, you could use the excuse that he doesn’t know you won’t be going back for winter session, and he’d said you should talk after break. Well, break is now longer for you than it is for him. Does that change anything now?

“What’s going on in that thick head of yours, pumpkin?”

At the sound of your father’s voice, you turn towards the door. He leans against the doorframe, a bowl in hand as he chews on something.

“Did mom make those granola bowls again?”

He nods, chewing loudly. “With ice cream this time.”

“Yes!” you shout, jumping up from the bed.

She’s already making you a bowl when you reach the kitchen. The tv plays in the background in the living room and you can hear your mother’s favorite crime show playing.

“That’s the first time I’ve seen you this excited since you got here,” she says as she hands you the bowl and a spoon.

You give her a look before you walk off to the living room.

“Don’t even try, she doesn’t want to say anything. She made me watch the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy without commentary from her. It was heartbreaking,” your father says as he steps into the room.

With a huge spoonful of ice cream and granola in your mouth, you make a face at your father then turn to change the channel.

Your mother sighs when she sits beside you on the couch. “You can’t go visit your uncle, aunt, and cousins with that attitude. Especially since your cousin Lara is excited to see you after so long, and wants you to meet her fiancé. Your aunt was telling me she’s planned an entire week with you.”

“I know, I know. I’ll be more positive by then I promise.”

They’re silent for a while, letting you watch the sitcom playing in peace, but your father clears his throat during a commercial break.

“So… does it have anything to do with Yugyeom?”

“No dad, it doesn’t. We broke up a long while ago.”

“Still, there might still be feelings there. You guys dated for a long time.”

“There isn’t okay, he cheated and I moved on.”

“He did  _what_?!” your mother suddenly shouts.

The tv is paused and you turn to give your father a look but he only raises a brow, asking for you to continue.

“Ughh, fine!”

So you tell them, mostly everything regarding Yugyeom but being careful with mentioning Hoseok, you don’t want to bring him up yet.

Your father loved Yugyeom, so you’re not surprised by the disappointment in his face after you finish telling them.

“I’m sorry pumpkin. You deserve better, and I honestly thought he was better than that.”

“So did I.”

“Are you still sad about it?” your mother asks.

“Not anymore, no.”

“Then what’s wrong?”

You shrug, taking the remote from your father and pressing play. “Nothing, just tired from the semester.”

She taps your chin with her index finger, signaling for you to turn to look at her. She looks at you, giving you that face you recognize as “Okay. I will pretend I don’t see the sad look on your face and drop it.”

You try to smile, then turn back to the tv show.

* * *

 

During the flight to New York, it takes everything in you to not send him a text. Instead you reply to your friends’s messages of wishes for your flight to go safely.

It becomes easier to distract yourself from wondering whether he knows you’ve left town or not. Lara bombards you with hugs and welcomes, and jumps straight into catching you up with her life since last summer.

She introduces your boyfriend to your family when you meet him, and the rest of your relatives at their favorite steak house. The place is packed and loud, so at times it’s difficult to keep up with the ten different conversations going on in the table you’re in, but you focus on your cousin and her soon-to-be husband.

It’s not difficult to keep interested in their conversation, since Jamal—his name—graduated from the school you’re attending.

“Really? What’s your degree on?” you ask, loud enough over the conversations. Half your plate is gone now, stomach full, so you’re sure it won’t be long before the party gets kicked out.

“I graduated with a degree on performing arts—the dance school. My emphasis was on modern dance, focused on urban and street dancing.”

Your stomach twists at his words. All you can say is a small “Oh.”

“He works for a dance company based here,” Lara adds.

“Yeah, I just moved a couple of months ago. I was working at the college town, but the company offered me a transfer to the New York base to train new dancers, but I hope to get a permanent position in the company. Maybe open up a school for after school dancing for young kids.”

You look down at your plate and stab the potato salad lightly with a fork. “Yeah, it’s a great city for the arts,” you manage to say.

“You haven’t thought about moving here?” your cousin asks.

You look up at her question. “I have actually, but I want to travel first. Work with some international journals, and build a good portfolio before applying to New York based film journals.”

“Do you want to make it to the academy?” Jamal asks.

You smile at his question. “Film critics don’t vote at the Oscars.”

“Wait, what?!”

“Then who does?” Lara practically shouts.

“People who have either won an award or have been nominated by someone already in the academy. That’s not peak career status for film critics anyway. You reach the peak of your career when people still care about the voice you have and the opinions you give. When they have kept reading from you for years.”

“Hu… and here I was thinking being an Oscars critic was the highest rank for film critics.”

“What’s the highest rank for your career, Jamal?”

He smirks, “Back-up dancing for Beyoncé.”

You laugh, but also know he’s dead serious.

“Tell me you’re coming to support my performance tomorrow, your future cousin-in-law needs the support cousin,” he adds.

“Oh, you’re performing?”

“Yeah, my group is coming into town. I took a break since I haven’t been able to travel back to the college town every weekend anymore, but I’ve kept up with the choreography. We’re performing tomorrow at a competition.”

“W-what company are you with?”

Just as you ask the question, you realize you’ve never asked Hoseok what company he works for, and you have only ever seen him dance at school, in his practice room when you’d go meet him there.

“B&R Ent, you know it?”

You shake your head. You really hope you don’t.

* * *

 

It’s freezing the following night, so you have to layer on a few things over your turtleneck. The competition starts at 6 and Lara assures it should be done by 8, so you hope you can make it to the hotel by 9 to catch up on some sleep before starting the week off with your family and all the tourist spots they plan on taking you.

Lara had tickets ready for you and your parents, making it clear that it wasn’t going to be your choice whether you came or not, but to a degree, you don’t mind so much.

As you take your seats and watch as the venue fills up, that’s when the nerves kick in.

_What if he is here?_

_What am I gonna do if he sees me?_

_What if he sees me and ignores me?_

_Oh fuck. Oh fuck._

It’s strange how childish you sound. This is Hoseok, a grown man you’re talking about. He’s not going to ignore you. It might be awkward, yes, but he won’t pretend not to see you were he to notice you.

Jamal’s team doesn’t make it on stage until 7, and that’s when your heart starts pounding loudly against your chest. The lights turn off so the group can get ready on stage. Then, the song starts, the bass vibrating against the floor of the venue, so loud and so impactful it matches the beat of your heart, vibrating against it.

He’s right in the center. He’s the first to stand from the crouching position the group is in, as if the music has turned him on and he stands up with a twist of his body. He signals his hand up expression focused on the crowed just as the rest of his group starts standing, and the choreography kicks off.

Your insides go through a myriad of emotions watching him dance, entranced by the powerful stage presence he has. That stare, that look you’re so familiar with, that which elicits this level of seduction and confidence only Hoseok can make look both intimidating and enticing is constant on his facial expressions. He’s center several moments in the choreo, that is until he’s one of the two members who get a solo, and you can see why. The way he moves, which you’re also intimately familiar with—and moves that just by watching him start twisting the pit of your stomach into chaos—is praise worthy. He was made for dance, and it was made for him.

Of course, they win first place. With those two solos, there was no way they would not get recognized for their incredible efforts.

You try to escape quickly out of the venue to try and catch a cab, but just as you step out the theater, Lara has you by the arm and is pulling you in the direction of the bar.

“Your parents are there, come on, you can sleep later!”

“No, Lara!”

But it’s no use, she’s dragging you inside the bar towards a table where you can see your aunt and uncle, your parents, Jamal, and some of the dancers.

Hoseok stands there, drink in hand, talking closely to Jamal. He’s changed his clothes. He’s wearing black jeans, a black turtleneck, and a dark blue jean jacket. And he looks so handsome you almost groan at the ridiculousness, because of course he’d look like this the first time you’re seeing him in a long time.

“I caught her!”

“Cousin!” Jamal shouts, raising a glass towards you.

At that, Hoseok turns to follow his gaze, and when his eyes land on you they widen momentarily before he schools his senses and his expression softens. A small side smile spread to the corner of his lips and he nods.

“Hoseok, this is my future cousin, Y/N!” Jamal shouts over the loud chatter of the bar.

“Yeah, we know each other.”

Your eyes widen at his words but not once does he stop looking at you.

“You do?” you hear your mom say.

“Yeah, we go to the same school,” he adds, still looking at you.

You turn to your parents. “He’s uh, he’s friends with Taehyung, Jungkook, and Jimin.”

“Oh? Are they in the same company?”

“They are,” Hoseok interrupts, “but since they’re in the school team as well, they weren’t eligible for this particular competition.” He turns back to you. “They knew I was coming here, they didn’t mention you were here.”

You have no idea what to say so you only nod, sighing before you try to sneak over towards your parents.

“Those boys have so much on their plate,” your mom says in your direction.

“Uh-hu,” is all you can manage.

You know you can’t handle much of his staring before you find yourself heading back to the lobby to catch some air, the drink in your hand full and warm now. You find a wall to lean against and place your drink in the nearest trash can.

It’s quiet out in the lobby. The muffled sounds from the bar are a soft background as you look out the window and I to the still busy streets of New York.

Footsteps are heard to your right, instinctively you turn and find Hoseok walking towards you, hands in the pocket of his jacket. He comes close to you, standing to your side, your elbow almost touching his chest. You make it a mission to not look over at him, afraid of how it might make you feel.

“Hey, Plum.”

His quiet voice echoes in the lobby, the softness of his tone as he pronounces the nickname makes your eyes flutter close and your stomach to quickly remind you what it feels like to be near him.

“Hi, Hobi.”

“Did you drop the winter class, or are you registered? I haven’t seen you around campus and I’m afraid to ask the guys.”

At this, you finally turn to look at him. His eyes are soft, a gentle frown pulling his eyebrows together as he focuses all his attention on you.

“No, I, uh… I dropped the class. I got an internship so I’m trying to focus my winter break on it.”

“Oh I see. Well I’m really glad you got it, I’m sure you’ll do great,” he says, lips spreading into the brightest smile. That smile that always makes you smile right back at him.

You look at each other for a beat longer, until his smile fades and he takes a step closer to you. His head tilts a bit as he reaches for your elbow. His touch is warm against your skin despite the layers of clothing.

“You haven’t texted, how come?”

Your cheeks flush from the scrutiny of his dark eyes. His expression is so serious, the last time you saw him like this, you left the situation crying.

“I thought you wanted space?”

Hoseok nods. “Well yes, in a sense. I still wanted to talk to you. I missed you.”

The tone of his voice is lower with the last statement, causing you to step a little closer to him, now facing him and tilting your head up a bit to meet his eyes.

“I missed you too,” you whisper, low enough for only him to hear.

At your words, his smile returns, softer this time. He leans down a bit, his lips now near your ear. “I’m glad,” he whispers.

Every hair stands on the back of your neck, tingling goosebumps run up your arm and the back of your neck as the words brush your ears with the gentle heat of his breath. Before you know it, your arms are wrapping around his neck and you’re pulling him into a hug, your face burying in his neck. He immediately reciprocates, his arms wrapping tightly around your waist.

“I wanted to text, I really did,” you say, voice muffled by his skin.

Hoseok tightens his hold for two seconds, before he loosens his arms from around you and pulls back.

“How come you didn’t text me?” you ask him.

“I started to, many times, but I was a little afraid you didn’t want to hear from me. That I’d scared you off.”

You frown at him, yet you’re a little amused by his words. “We’re terrible at communication.”

“We are,” he says, adding a small smile that is mirrored by the corner of his eyes.

“We should probably work on it,” you add.

At this, his eyebrows raise and his lips part to say something, but he has a hard time articulating what to say.

All the blood rushes to your cheeks.

“Work on it?” he finally asks. “So, there’s something to work on, on your side of this I mean?”

“W-well, I don’t know,” you say honestly, your eyes looking over his serous expression before settling on his eyes. “Where do you stand?”

“Y/N!” Your mom’s voice is coming from the bar entrance. She’s followed by your father who follows suit in waving dramatically at you. “Let’s go, we need to be up early tomorrow.”

When you look back at Hoseok he looks as if he wants to say something, but then he gives a small smile and nods. “I’ll see you at school.”

Before you can protest, he brushes your elbow with his hand then walks past you towards the main door to the theater.

You follow his figure when you step out, and watch as he heads to the opposite corner. You look back at your parents, then at Hoseok again. A sudden pull tugs at you and you stop in your tracks.

“I have to go do something, I will see you guys back at the hotel in a while.”

“Y/N?” your dad asks but its too late, you’re already walking fast towards Hoseok, hoping you can catch him before he crosses.

“Hobi! Wait!”

Hoseok turns just as the walk sign changes. He starts walking towards you, making his way through the people walking on the sidewalk. He meets you half way, his eyes a bit wide, half of his face in a light shadow, while the other half illuminated by the street lights and signs plastered everywhere in New York.

“Yeah?” he asks, almost breathless, his eyes focused on yours.

“Let’s go get food,” is what you manage to say. You think back on the restaurants you saw on the way to the parking lot earlier.

“Food?” His expression softens, and an amused smile appears.

“Yeah. There’s a diner around the corner, come on.” You reach for his hand and he lets you take it, nodding with that amused look still on his face.

For the most part, the diner is empty. There’s a round booth at the corner that looks inviting, so you pull Hoseok over and make sure he sits beside you.

The waitress doesn’t give you time to talk to him, she asks about drinks. Out of desperation to get rid of her company you order for the both of you some fries and milkshakes, to which Hoseok doesn’t protest.

“So, why did you want to come here?” Hoseok asks once the waitress is gone.

You shrug, unsure of your own actions. “I don’t know. I just… didn’t want to leave it like that,” you say, turning a bit to face him.

He turns to face you the rest of the way, his left arm rests on top of the booth’s backrest, his fingers twitch as they rest beside your shoulder.

“How was your break, or actually, how  _is_  your break going?”

“It’s okay. Focusing a lot on the internship and spending time with my family. I miss my friends though.”

“How come you weren’t there for the Christmas dinner?” he asks. His fingers finally stop twitching and he reaches for your hair, brushing it lightly behind your shoulder, making a shiver dance softly down the back of your neck.

“You were there?”

He nods, his eyes focused on the movement of his fingers in your hair.

You shrug. “To be honest, I was afraid you’d be there and I wasn’t sure I was ready to see you…”

He turns his attention back to you, eyebrows furrowed. The tip of his fingers touch your jaw, making your face tilt a little but you were already looking at him. “How come?”

You feel it, that thing lodged in your throat, whatever has been brewing there since the day you decided you couldn’t show up at the dinner. This fear of seeing Hoseok there and what your meeting might’ve been like—what it could mean for the both of you.

“I was scared, Hobi.”

His face falls, his eyes a little alarmed as if he can see you’re hurt but doesn’t know how to fix it. His eyes search your face and he leans closer. “Of what, baby?”

The nickname sends a wave up your chest and it comes out as a small gasp, barely audible. “That you would decide to… or not want to see me again… that maybe…”  _I’d lose you_.

“ _Jesus_ ,” he mumbles, before he cups your face and leans down.

“Sorry to interrupt, here’s your order.”

You’re frozen, still looking at Hoseok as he looks up at the waitress and smiles, mumbling a thanks before she leaves. He turns back to you and smiles lightly.

“Let’s eat first, yeah?”

You nod but only watch as Hoseok takes a sip of his milkshake and eats some fries. His eyes dart over to yours and stops, his cheeks blushing lightly. “Sorry, I didn’t go to the group’s dinner so I’m starving.”

Lightly, you shake your head and nod, “It’s okay. How come you didn’t go?”

“They always go too long and I wanted to get back to the hotel early. They usually go out to a club after. I just want to rest before flying back and having to go to school right after.”

“Where are your stuff, by the way?” you ask as you reach for your drink.

“Manager took them,” he says, tone quick as he continues to shove fries in his mouth.

You chuckle, “Hoseok, do you want me to order you a burger?”

“God yes, please.”

He gets his food and you try not to bother him until he’s done, occasionally watching him and making eye contact—to which he smiles at before getting back to his burger.

When he’s close to emptying his plate, you speak again.

“How do we do this?”

“Do what?” he asks, finally looking up from the plate of fries.

You take a deep breath. “Move forward. You wanted space, didn’t you?”

Hoseok wipes his lips with a napkin then sits back, turning slightly towards you again. “Yeah, I did.”

“Do you still need space?”

He’s silent for a while, merely looking at you, eyes blinking slowly and expression unreadable.

“No… I mean… I want us to talk again. But everything I had said that day, I still mean it.”

You can feel your voice will be shaking when you speak again, your lip already quivering a bit. “W-what now?”

“Well, what do you want Y/N?”

“I-“ you look at him, unsure of how to answer. All you know is that you miss him. “I want us talking again, too.”

“Are you going to friendzone me, then?” His tone is serious, yet a small smile plays at his lips.

Your stomach churns at his words, and you momentarily look away from him, focusing on the window behind him and looking out at the city’s nightlife. Cabs and cars pass by, people walk at a quick speed, trying to get from one place to another—always busy.

“No,” you whisper, gaze now turning back to his. “I don’t want to do that.”

“Then what do you want?” he asks, his voice low, head leaning down closer to yours so you can both comfortably speak in hushed tones.

“ _You_.” The admittance leaves your lips like a difficult breath.

Hoseok laughs softly, not mockingly, but as if laughing is his difficult breath. He cups your face again, this time his thumbs brush your cheeks. “In what way, Plum?” His soft eyes search your face, the gentle expression mirrors the movement of his fingers on your skin.

“In every way.”

“Really?” he whispers.

You nod, and just as he’s about to kiss you, you jump from a sudden vibration in your pocket.

“Shit, sorry, I think it’s my parents,” you say as you lean away from him and take out your phone. It’s your mother. You don’t get to answer, but she immediately sends a text to the group chat.

 **Mom** : Where did you go? Do we wait up for you?

 **Dad** : hun, she’s a grown woman, of course we don’t!

 **Mom** : well! It’s a strange city…

 **You** : mom, I’ve been here before. Ill be fine. I came to catch up with Hoseok. I’ll be back to the hotel later tonight.

 **Mom** : ohhh?

 **Dad** : *side eye emoji*

You laugh at your dad’s text.

 **You** :  Dad, seriously? You have the emoji keyboard.

 **Dad** : I DO?!

 **You** : Mom, please…

 **Mom:**  I’m on it, get back to your /friend/.

 _Fucking hell_.

“Sorry, my parents are a coupe of idiots. Great, amazing idiots.”

Hoseok smiles, “Yeah, they were kind of cute.”

“Thanks..”

You’re both silent, just looking at each other. He reaches fo yo hand, and starts fiddling with your fingers on his lap. “I should probably get going, I have a flight early tomorrow and I want to rest.”

You nod, unable to say anything or look away from the view of his eyes focused on your hand. His fingers softly move under your palm, leaving tingling traces that move up your arm and down your back.

“Where are you staying?” you finally say.  

“Blakely, you?”

Your eyes widen a bit, “Me—us too!”

Hoseok laughs, “Well, small world indeed.”

“Yeah, or my parents like the free breakfast.”

“So does the team,” he adds, laughing.

You walk out and get a cab together. The ride is silent, Hoseok still grasping your hand, fingers intertwined now.

When you arrive, he informs you he’s a couple of floors bellow your room, so you decide to use that as an excuse to drop him off at his room. He laughs when you follow him out of the elevator.

“Seriously, Y/N, I can find my room perfectly well.”

“So,” you say, shrugging and reaching for his hand.

Turns out his room is not far from the elevator, so you’re a little disappointed when you reach the room and he begins to take out his wallet where he put away his room key. Before he opens the door, however, he turns to look at you and raises a brow at you.

“I don’t want to let you in.”

You chuckle a bit, “Why? Is it a mess? Do you have a girl waiting in there?”

You realize the joke you just made is a touchy subject between you so you squeeze his hand.

“No, babe,” he says, smiling to soften the mood, “I just… I think we should do this slowly. I don’t think we should rush to anything and just… let’s wait until you’re back in school, yeah?”

“Oh, I see.” The disappointment is clear in your voice, and probably the look on your face is also a tell as his expression softens and reaches for your face.

“I miss you too, I do, I just want to be safe.”

“I understand,” you say, and you do. He’s being smart about it, and you should be smart about it too.

You let go of his hand and grip the collar of his sweater to pull him close. “At least finally kiss me, yeah?”

“God,  _yes_.”

He cups your face with both hands now, his thumbs brushing along your jaw as he tilts your head up as he leans down to meet you half way, and  _finally_  kisses you. It’s soft at first, as if his lips want to get to know your own again—slow, and painfully so because you feel the kiss all the way down to your toes. You step closer to him, wrapping an arm around his waist to pull him against you.

He pulls away right as your lips part and you get a small taste of his lips.

“I should go in,” he whispers against your lips, breathless.

“Ah-key,” you manage to say.

Hoseok smiles as he struggles to get you to unwrap your arm from around him.

“Sorry.”

“I know, don’t worry. Good night, Plum.” He kisses your forehead then turns to open the door to his room.

“Night, Hobi. Text me when you leave, and-“

“When I land?” he asks, a bright smile on his face. You nod. “Will do.”

Then the door closes, and you sigh.

* * *

 

You’re sitting at the coffee shop at school, nursing the hot white chocolate mocha and working on your planner when you feel a body sit beside you.

“Between classes?” you ask without looking up. Hoseok puts his arm around you and pulls you against him.

“Yep, just getting a tea. How have you been?”

It’s been three weeks since New York. You’ve been texting back and forth, and have seen him once at a party—in which it took everything in the both of you to not hook up right then and there.

“I’ve been alright, settling into the new semester. You?” You finally look up to see him smiling at you, that bright smile that blinds you.

“Great. Glad to have you back,” he squeezes you against him before loosening his grip and reaching down to kiss your shoulder—well, your sweater by your shoulder. The gesture is so gentle and sweet, you can’t help but blush.

“Are you free any time soon?” he asks, pretending like he doesn’t see your blush, but the smug look on his face tells you otherwise. He reaches for your drink and takes sip, making a face.

“Uhhh, Friday actually.”

“Perfect. Want to go on a date?”

“What?”

“A date, Plum?” He looks at you. He brushes some hair away from your face and gently runs his fingers along your cheek. The act causes goosebumps to run down your skin and you shiver.

“Y-yeah, I’d like that.”

“Hoseok? Your Black Cherry iced tea is ready,” the barista shouts.

“Alright then, its date,” he says chirpy before he plants a sloppy kiss on your forehead and hops off to get his drink, leaving you dumbfounded and staring after him.

_What just happened?_

* * *

 

Hoseok refused to tell you where he was taking you, even as he drove away form the parking lot of the apartment complex.

“Well, I brought a jacket in case I needed it, because you won’t tell me if we will be inside or outside.”

You look over at him and he only tilts his head and smiles as he drives. You grumble a bit as you slump back on the seat, patting the jacket on your lap. You’re wearing jeans and a long sleeved shirt, but it has the shoulders showing so there isn’t much protection from the February cold in your outfit.

The drive is about forty minutes with the traffic, and he’s taken you to a part of the town you’re familiar with. The arts district.

“Are we watching something?” you ask excitedly, turning to slap his arm.

“Ow, babe, careful. And I feared you’d know where I’d take you if I said it was in the arts district.”

He pulls into the parking lot of The Stargazer and your stomach flutters with excitement.

“Oh my gosh, I’ve never been here!”

“You haven’t?”

You turn to him, grinning, “Never! I’m so excited.”

Hoseok frowns, “Hmm, I would’ve thought…”

You stop paying attention as you turn to look at the vintage look of the theater, watching as people walk in well dressed and chattering excitedly. This theater never showcases what film their playing outside, and the only way you find out what you will be watching is if you make reservations.

You practically jump out of the car before Hoseok has even walked around to open the door for you, and exasperated look on his face when he catches up to you.

“Geez, calm down,” he adds with a small laugh.

“I’m so excited!”

You look at Hoseok’s outfit for the first time. He’s wearing a dress shirt with a funky colored tie, his hair parted in the middle. He looks so handsome you momentarily forget about where you are. He continues to smile as he walks up to you to take your hand.

“Come on, let get you inside before you self-combust.”

“Do you know what film is playing?” you ask him as you step inside and onto the line of people waiting to make their orders.

“I do.”

“You’re not going to tell me, are you?”

Hoseok sighs. He lets go of your hand but pulls you before him, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling your back against his chest. His lips press a small kiss under your ear, making you shiver. “I will not.”

You pout, turning a bit so he can see your expression, but he only smirks, squeezing you a bit, then planting a small kiss on your bare shoulder. The touch is warm and electric, and your lips part as you watch his lips linger there above your skin, not pressing a kiss but gently brushing.

When you reach the hostess, Hoseok takes out his ID to show it to her. “Good afternoon, reservations for Jung Hoseok.”

“Ah yes. Your table number is 3, and what would you like for dinner? Steak and salad, or the soup and pasta of the day?”

Hoseok turns to look at you. “I’d like the pasta.”

“We’ll take one of each then, thank you.”

You step through the doors behind the hostess, into a small hallway that has four doors. Two unisex restrooms and one that most likely leads to the kitchen. The large glass door leads to a patio-like theater. There’s several tables spread out in front of a screen perched up across the back wall. Table 3 is in the center in front of the theater, at the perfect location. The ceiling is removed (you’ve heard they unroll it when it rains) so you can see clearly out to the setting skies, the faintness of the moon is starting to appear and you can’t wait for the stars to be out and the film to start.

When you sit, after slipping on your jacket, Hoseok places something on the table between you, then he scoots his chair to be closer to you. Lying on the table between the two glasses of water is a small packet of tissues.

“What’s that for?”

Hoseok is smiling when you look up at him, his eyes soft and small at the edges. “In case you need them.”

“You ass,” you mumble.

You make small talk, discussing the new semester, and Hoseok’s upcoming performance. He’s got a solo coming that he’s been working on for a while.

“I’m going to be stuck at the studio for a while, but if you want to come visit me,” he says, winking.

You smile but nod, “I will. Hope I get to see the performance. You guys were amazing in New York.”

“Thank you.” He takes your hand and kisses your knuckles softly “I’m glad we were both there.’

“Me too.”

Finally, the foodie brought out. There’s little lamps placed as center pieces on the tables and they’re turned on as the lights along the walls are dimmed and the screen comes to life.

The speaker booms softly as the manager of the restaurant introduces the night.

“Guests, welcome to The Stargazer. Enjoy tonight’s specialties along with tonight’s feature presentation of  _The Shape of Water_.”

You turn to Hoseok and he laughs softly at the look on your face. He pinches your chin with his thumb and forefinger and pecks your lips.

Your food is eventually forgotten, and by the time the film is over, all the tissues are used, and your pasta is freezing cold. You found your way onto Hoseok’s lap halfway through the film, his jacket engulfed you in warmth as he wrapped his arms around you and rested his chin on your shoulder, constantly staring and smiling at the reactions you had to the film.

“Stop staring,” you grumble as you wipe the last of your tears away.

Hoseok chuckles before he plants a small kiss on your wet cheek. He pats your thigh gently. “Come on, let’s go, baby.”

Your stomach bursts at the nickname, all you can do is nod and watch him say it so casually. Before, he would only say it during sex, and you never took it too seriously, but now, hearing him say the word with this gentleness and quietness—the deeper meaning laden in the tone of his voice just makes you squirm.

His hand remains on your thigh the entire ride to your place, seething through the fabric of your jeans. You want so badly to move his hand, and you catch his fingers twitching at times, but you don’t want to force him to do anything if he wants to wait. But you don’t want to wait anymore.

As you reach the parking lot of the apartment complex, you look over at him. He glances momentarily at you but says nothing as he pulls up and parks in the first spot he finds.

You bite your lip, afraid of saying something, or coming off forward. He opens the door and takes your hand, then pulls you into the apartment building as if you’re in a trance, walking behind him—wishing he doesn’t just drop you off.

“Are you going to leave?” you decide to ask as you reach the front door, the nerves beating the better judgement out of you.

Hoseok turns, pulling you by the hand a little closer to him. He smiles lightly, “I was actually hoping that I could stay?”

You nod, then quickly open the door to the apartment and pull him in.

Neither of you waste any time. Jackets, shoes, shirts, and pants are flying in seconds, and you’re finally kissing him again, the touch of his hands on your bare skin again.

He has his arm around you, pulling your back against his chest as he nuzzles into the crook of your neck. You’re covered by the blanket, but the heat ness of his naked skin is what keeps you warm.

“Hey,” he whispers, his lips brushing your skin making it tingle.

“Yeah?”

“I know I make fun of you a lot for ignoring me when we watch movies together, but to be honest, I really enjoy watching you…”

“Really?” You turn slightly, his nose brushes your cheek and you feel goosebumps front eh coolness of the skin there. “Why?”

“I don’t know. It’s interesting to see you get to emotionally invested in them. Not everyone has those kinds of reactions, like today. You were so into it, it was cute.”

You can’t help but smile, your stomach fluttering a bit at his admission. “Well, maybe if you paid more attention you’d see that even fantasy films tell human stories—stories we can all relate to.”

“You fell for a sea monster, how is that relatable, Plum,” he chuckles, the breath of his laugh brushing your skin.

“Hobi,” you say, rolling your eyes even though you know he can’t see you well despite being adjusted to the light darkness of your room, “he understood her in a way no one else had. And she… she had no prejudice against him. She saw him for who he was… a living creature that deserved love and compassion—that deserved to live. The fact that they got to live happily together as sea monsters was beautiful to me, and I really thought they wouldn’t get that. I got invested,” you add shrugging. Even thinking about the film you get a little choked up, its become one of your favorite films of the year.

Hoseok humms, the grumble in his chest vibrates against your back. “I understand,” he pulls you tighter against him and you reach to fit your fingers between his as they lay flat on your stomach, “I love the investment you have in the characters emotions, how you sympathize with them and their situations… even beastiality,” he adds, giggling.

“Shut up!” You slap his arm and he laughs harder, squeezing you against him.

After he’s stopped laughing, you turn to lay down on your back and look at him. He’s features are faint, but you can see his eyes looking at you, his expression soft.

“Hobi, thank you for today.”

He smiles broadly, “You’re welcome, baby.” He plants a kiss on your temple and you turn to nuzzle into his neck.

You don’t know how it will be when you wake up with him tomorrow, Chaeyoung outside. Will you say he’s your boyfriend? Yes. But you’re not sure exactly what to do next. It’s only been one date, but you’ve missed him a lot, you hope things don’t go wrong. You want to trust yourself in this, but you also want to make sure you trust him. The last thing you want is fo someone to get hurt.


	6. six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did not edit this, sorry...

Chaeyoung is pouring coffee into mugs in front of Jungkook and Taehyung as they sit by the kitchen counter when you step out of the bedroom. Seen the boys there sends that tiny alarm off in your brain you were used to having on alert whenever Hoseok used to stay over, but you shake your head and remind yourself it’s not like that anymore. Nobody is fooling around, trying to hide things from friends who clearly knew what was going on but didn’t want to bring attention to it. There’s no need to hide anymore because this isn’t some fleeting sexcapade.

  
Your best friends know you went on a date with him, and Chaeyoung also knows what led to that after you’d filled her in your day back to the apartment. She’d kept her opinions to herself however, merely nodding as you told her about the conversation you had with Hoseok in the car. How he’s made you cry. About how you had missed him but didn’t want to allow yourself to—and then about everything that happened in New York.

  
All she said was “It makes sense. Just be careful,” then gave you a hug and went off to work. And that was the last time you spoke about you and Hoseok until it was time for your date and she had wished you luck.

  
“Hey!” Taehyung practically shouts, raising his mug in your direction.

  
“Morning,” you say, smiling groggily at your friends. You give the guys a kiss on the cheek each and smiles at Chaeyoung when she hands you a mug filled with coffee.

  
“Should I get another?” she asks you.

  
Her expression is unreadable as she places the pot down on a kitchen towel atop the counter beside her.

  
“N-no. I don’t think he’s staying any longer.”

  
You feel the guys’s eyes on you and feel as Jungkook taps your arm softly, but you can’t seem to turn away from the mug on the counter.

  
JImin is the first to speak over the awkward silence that stretches. “Is Hoseok here?”

  
“Yeah,” you say in a small voice.

  
At that, the door to your room opens, and the guys turn towards the hallway and smile as Hoseok walks over with wet hair he shakes with his hand.

  
“Morning,” he says, grinning suspiciously at the look on his friends’s faces.

  
“Morning,” they say in unison, teasing in their tone, and Jungkook is grinning too broadly for this early in the morning.  
You kick his shin and he yelps.

  
“Hey! What the fu-“ he stops when Hoseok suddenly appears between you.

  
He breaks into that bright smile, blinding. His face puffy and soft-looking. He leans down to kiss you on the cheek.

  
“Would you like some coffee, Hoseok?” Chaeyoung asks him.

  
He’s wearing the same clothes he had on last night, so he’s definitely not staying.

  
His palm runs along the shape of your back, all the way up, slowly, to your neck, leaving a trail of warmth where his fingers touched the fabric of your shirt. Not once do you look away from his face.

  
“No, thank you, I have to go to practice.” He only looks away from you to give Chaeyoung a small smile, then turns back to you, cupping the back of your neck. You’d turned when he’d turned and saw the smile she’d given him.

  
His fingers press warmly on the skin on your neck and you look up at him. “I’ll call you later.”

  
You nod, then lean into his lips when he kisses your cheek once more before he turns to wave goodbye to everyone else and walking out of the apartment. Once the door closes behind him, you turn to Chaeyoung as you raise the coffee mug to your lips.

  
“Thank you,” you whisper.

  
“Don’t thank me, I was just being friendly.”

  
“I know, and I know you don’t like him very much so I appreciate your efforts, I really do.”

  
“Wait, what? I thought you liked Hoseok?!” Jimin says.

  
Chaeyoung glowers at him. “It’s not that I don’t like him, he’s alright I guess, but you can’t blame me for being suspicious of him when he’s dating our friend, considering his past.” She shrugs, filling her coffee mug once more. Your stomach churns uncomfortably at her words so you turn away, focusing on your own coffee. “Plus I don’t trust men.”

  
“Hey!” The guys say.

  
“Except you guys, of course!”

  
“That had zero conviction.”

  
“Conviction?” Chaeyoung says, chuckling a but at Taehyung’s words.

  
You can’t help but laugh at the little banter, the mood much more lighthearted now.

  
“He takes one upper division literature class and he thinks he’s Shakespeare all of a sudden.”

  
Taehyung shoves Jungkook so hard he falls of his stool, making everyone crack up as he lands on the floor on his butt with a loud thud sound.

* * *

  
  
The tension with Chaeyoung eventually died down. She was trying to be friendly to him, at least when you were around. They both were, because Hoseok had gotten it into his head that he needed her approval more than your own parents—his own words.

  
“Your parents already like me, and Chaeyoung has known me longer, what does that say about me?!” he complained two nights ago when you were trying to cuddle him into a peaceful sleep but he kept sitting up wanting to continue the incessant inner narrative going on in his head about your best friend.

  
“Babe, just relax. You can’t force her to like you, you’ll be making the opposite,” you’d soothed and tried to pull him back down to the pillows.

  
“God, now you tell me this! She must’ve hated it when I brought her food then! God, she must think I’m trying too hard and unworthy!”

  
“Hobi! She didn’t, she thought it was nice of you.”

  
He had huffed and slumped down, finally settling beside you and letting you wrap your arms around him.

  
“You shouldn’t care so much about what she thinks about you. She’s my friend, and I love her, so as long as you’re nice to her we will be okay. And as long as she doesn’t hate you or is mean to you I won’t be hard on her. You guys don’t have to be friend. It’d be nice of course, but you can’t force it.”

  
“She’s the best friend of three of my closest friends, one who happens to be my girlfriend,” he’d argued, almost mumbling, sleep finally taking him in.

  
His words had sprung you right awake and you’d raised your head from resting against his shoulder. You found the alarm in his eyes when he looked at you, the moonlight sweeping in from the window besides your bed reflected against his smooth skin and his expression was as clear as day.

  
Despite calling Hoseok your boyfriend in your head, you hadn’t actually said it outloud in front of him, afraid of how he’d react. You wanted him to be the first to say it because it’d let you know he’s okay with the speed and development of the relationship. You didn’t want to force anything on him.

  
You had just beamed at him, leaned over and kissed him. The morning after, he’d woken up after you, but he’d run out to the kitchen right away, apparently startling Chaeyoung who was eating, and said very clearly, and with all the excitement possible at such an hour in the early morning, “I’m going to make my girlfriend some breakfast!”

  
He said Chaeyoung had grinned at him.

  
When you walk hand and hand through the theater department you’re not even phased by the fact that if you were to meet any of his friends, coworkers, or classmates, he will introduce you as such because he’s been doing it since then—every chance he gets.

  
The room he usually practices in is almost empty, except for a guy who’s wearing workout clothes and is picking up his duffle bag from the ground by the wall mirror. He must’ve heard the door click open because he’s already looking up, as if in waiting.

  
“Hey Hoseok!” the guy says with a grin. His forehead is dripping with sweat and he sounds a little out of breath.

  
“Hey Jaden, have you seen Jungkook? We were supposed to meet him here?”

  
“Oh, maybe he got the room wrong ‘cause I’ve been practicing in here all afternoon. Maybe try next door?” he suggests. He dabs a towel over his dark face and exposed collarbones as he speaks. His eyes dart over to you for a second then back to Hoseok.

  
“Sorry man,”Hoseok says, now smiling broadly as he tugs at your hand, “this is my girlfriend, Y/N.”

  
You can’t help but blush a little and mumble a small “Hi,” then step closer to Hosoek.

  
Jaden smiles, tilting his head, “Hey, I’m Jaden. Damn, so the rumors are true then?”

  
You frown and look up at Hoseok. He tilts his head a bit and gives out an awkward, breathy laugh as he scratches the back of his head. “Uh, yeah.”

  
“Thought I would never hear the words ‘Hoseok’ and ‘girlfriend’ that close to each other ever again after last time.” Jaden says this with a playful tone, and adds a small laugh to lighten the mood, but you can’t quite ignore the way the pit of your stomach uncomfortably flips at his words.

  
You look over to your left, anywhere away from Jaden, but feel the pressure of Hoseok tightening his hold on your hand.

  
“Yeah...” is all Hoseok says, his voice straining to sound lighthearted.

  
“I’ll see you guys around then, hope you can still make it to my party next weekend,” he adds. At that you turn and glare as he walks out.

  
Is he trying to suggest that Hoseok having a girlfriend will mean he won’t be going to parties anymore? What the hell is his problem? As if you’d ever tell Hoseok to end his lifestyle. It’s not like he’s been going to parties and sleeping around since the two of you.

  
Except, you never really asked him about the time you guys weren’t talking anymore. But does it matter?

  
“Shit, I’m sorry about that babe,” he mutters as the door shuts behind Jaden.

  
You tug at his arm to pull him towards you. With a free hand, you reach up to cup his neck and pull him down towards you. He rests his forehead on top of yours, his eyes shut now. His breath fans over your face as he sighs deeply. You peck his lips lightly and softly scratch at the skin by his jaw.

  
“It’s okay, I knew this would happen. Me being compared to her.”

  
Hoseok leans away, his eyes fluttering open as his eyebrows furrow. He searches your face, until his eyes land on yours. “I’m sorry that this will most likely keep happening with my friends and coworkers, but I really hope you know that… this is different for me, yeah?”

  
You heart beats slight quicker, a reflection of the twist in your stomach. You nod after staring at him for too long, the movement slow as if in a trance.

  
He leans forward to kiss your forehead, then turns to head to the door. “Come on, lets find Jungkook.”

* * *

  
  
The awkward and uncomfortable comments from Hoseok’s friends and coworkers continued for a few weeks, until they finally stopped and they started treating you like a person and less like the butt of a joke. Hoseok had grown frustrated with his friends, constantly getting into arguments with them about how they would talk about you, but you told him to try his best to let it go. It’s not like you saw them often anyways, and the friends you and Hoseok have in common are who matter the most.

  
Your friends have been great, amazing even. So Hoseok and you both slowly preferred to hang out with your close friends at someone’s place—mostly his house or your apartment—than go to parties. However, the rare times you did find yourself attending parties in the three months you’ve been dating, had begun to make you feel very self-conscious. Their comments made you overthink too much about your relationship and you felt horrible having to keep that from Hoseok but you didn’t know how to bring it up.

  
The comments were always them trying to be funny and lighthearted, but you could see the judgement in their eyes and the annoyance in their voice; “We barely see Hoseok anymore, damn man what the hell?” “Are you that whipped?” “Wife keeping you at home?” And the worst one, always aimed at him, “What’s happening to you, man?”

  
You try your best to not think about these comments, it’d be unfair to Hoseok, but sometimes you can’t help but feel anxious about them. They pop into your head out of nowhere at times, making you self-conscious.

  
Even as you try your best to work on the final research paper for your International Female Directors class. You’ve had the apartment for yourself all day, Chaeyoung has been out with her girlfriend all day, and Hoseok had mentioned he’d come over after practice, but it’s nearing seven and you haven’t heard anything from him.

  
However, just past seven, you hear the door opening so you turn from your place by the kitchen island where you set your studying for the day, and find Hosoek stepping in with two take-out bags. He sees you and smiles, making your body relax, and that twinge in your chest and stomach subsides at the bright expression on his face. He shakes his hair out of his face, now a dark black color, the style parted in the middle. You’d mentioned it once to him, how you found that style handsome on him, and he wears it often now, the fringe always curled and brushing above his eyebrows.

  
“Hey, where did you go?”

  
“Hi baby, where didn’t I go!” He says as he shuffles over in his sandals towards you. He places the bags on the island counter and starts taking out the containers. “You’re not gonna believe what happened. I went to our favorite place, Noodle Land, and their rating went down to a D!”

  
“What! Why? What happened?”

  
Hoseok steps over, moving the stool besides you so he can lean against the counter and cup the back of your neck to pull you in for a kiss. It’s slow, his lips fitting perfectly between yours, moves gentle. When his tongue slips between the kisses he only deepens the kiss for a bit, then leans back, peppering kisses along your lips, cheeks, nose, and your eyelids when you’ve been giggling for too long your eyes flutter close and he takes the opportunity. He grins at your reaction then goes back to the food.

  
“I went in to ask Lance, he had just clocked in for his shift and told me he’d be honest with us since we’re regulars. He said roaches.”

  
“Ugh, what the- are they at least trying to get it fixed?”

  
“He said it was mild, and had only just started, so they’re closing the restaurant for a bit to fix the problem. He said he at least gets paid vacation so he’ll be one of the cashiers back, but many people are leaving.”

  
“I can imagine… that sucks though. I loved that place.”

  
“Yeah me too. I ended up going to the Mexican place a block from here. What are you working on, by the way, the research paper?’

  
You save the document and put your laptop on sleep to eat some food. As Hoseok starts opening containers and the mouthwatering smell of melted cheese and tomato sauce immediately distracts you away from your work. “Gosh, is that enchiladas? And yep, almost done.”

  
“Yes! I got enchiladas, a stuffed pepper, some flautas, and chips with all types of salsa and guacamole. I need a party in my stomach right now, and I will never regret it despite the consequences because I’ve been craving something spicy all day.”

  
You laugh a little at his comment but your stomach twists at the reminder of parties. His friend Jaden had invited you both to a party at his place this weekend and you’d agreed to go. Just thinking about it makes you groan inwardly.

  
“Can’t believe you missed the quesadilla,” you tease half way through eating and Hoseok jumps up, reaching for the bags. “You didn’t?”

  
“Of course not, I’m not stupid! I was just stupid enough to forget to take the container out.” He searches through the empty ones until he finds the one with the quesadilla in it, at the bottom of one of the bags.

  
After you can’t eat anymore and Hoseok decides to inhale the rest of it, then downs his hot tea, and half of yours, he slumps down on the couch and searches through the channels.

  
Once you’ve finished the last body paragraph of your paper, leaving the conclusion for another day, you clean up and turn to take your stuff back to your room when your eyes land on Hoseok. He’s sitting legs spread wide out on the couch, one of his feet perched up on the edge of the coffee table, making his leg angled as it’s perched up. The angle makes his shorts ride up his leg and you have the perfect sight of his inner thigh. His head is leaning back on the couch cushion, his fingers running through his parted hair as he scowls at the tv. He looks comfortable, the entire scene too familiar to you. You adore watching him like that in your apartment, especially in your room, when he lays down after changing into clothes from his drawer in the dresser… your dresser.

  
Suddenly, a shiver runs down your skin, and an uncomfortable feeling settles in your stomach.

  
He catches you staring and smiles. “What?”

  
You try to smile and shake your head.

  
He lowers his leg and pats his lap, “Come here.”

  
Sighing deeply, you quickly place your things back down on the counter and walk over to him to let him embrace his arms around your waits as you sit on his lap.

  
“Everything okay in that smart head of yours?” he whispers, then leans down to kiss your shoulder.

  
You wrap your arms around his neck and nod, then lean down to kiss his cheek.

  
“Somethings going on, you’ve been lost in your head all afternoon. It took you so long to finish that one paragraph, you kept getting distracted and sat staring off into space. What’s wrong, baby?”

  
The nickname still has the same reaction on you, making your insides tingle and your skin to blush. You don’t have much time to enjoy the softness of his voice, the tone in which he speaks to you, because an anxious feeling fills up your chest and runs up your throat, and you’re tired of it chocking you out.

  
“Are you happy, Hoseok?”

  
He chuckles a bit, unsure whether you’re being serious as he looks at you. He tugs you closer to him and smiles. “In general? Or career wise?”

  
You shrug, looking down at the bit of collarbone peeking out from the oversized shirt he wears. “In general I guess.”

  
“Yeah I am,” he says without giving it a second thought. “But I get the feeling you’re talking about us?” When you nod he reaches with his index finger to tilt your head up by the chin to look at him. “Why do you ask?”

  
“Are you though?”

  
He smiles and a warmth spreads through your chest. “Of course, baby. Why wouldn’t I be?”

  
“We don’t go out to parties anymore. You used to go out a lot. Now we spend so many nights in, only hang out with our close friends and-“

  
“Doing adult things?” He chuckles and holds you tightly against him. “Babe, I would like to think I would’ve matured eventually. I don’t think I would’ve kept partying forever. I’m graduating this semester, I have to focus on my classes. And to be frank, my friends have been a pain since us.”

  
“Okay but… it’s only been three months, shouldn’t we be in the honeymoon stage or whatever?”

  
Hoseok kisses your cheek, “I think the honeymoon stage was everything we did before our relationship,” he teases.

  
You smack his arm. “I’m serious Hobi. And that doesn’t really count.”

  
“I guess yeah, it doesn’t count as us dating but it counts as something doesn’t it? It affected our relationship now because we didn’t have that ‘getting to know you’ part of it.” He reaches to brush a hair out of your eyes, his cool fingers softly brushing the skin along your cheek and down to your jaw. “I already know all of you.”

  
_Not all._

  
You tilt your head and kiss his wrist.

  
“You don’t wish you were out partying anymore?”

  
He shakes his head, cupping your face. “I used to love partying because, well, it mostly led to me having sex with someone. I haven’t wanted to sleep around since you, you know this. And yeah a huge part of it was I didn’t really have the time, but we both know I also was just… enthralled by you. I wanted to be around you every week, have sex with only you. I don’t know. It’s just never boring with you, and I really like that. And I really like you.”

  
You feel a little less weighted down after speaking the words, but there’s something still bothering you. Something about his words, but you’re not sure what it is.

  
“So, it’s okay that yout are not doing things you used to do?”

  
Hoseok slightly frowns, his smile falling. “Babe, it’s like you’re asking me if I’m okay with not being single. I was the one who wanted more remember?” You nod. “Okay, then what is this?”

  
You shrug, feeling your throat burn, words lodged in there.

  
“I should’ve said something to them when they kept talking shit, shouldn’t have I?” His fingers tug at the hem of your shirt and he slips his fingers inside, the tips of his fingers brushing against the skin of on your hips and abdomen, leaving a tingling sensation to ride up your skin.

  
“It’s okay Hoseok… I just… if you’re ever not happy with something, you will tell me, right?”

  
He leans forward to press his forehead against your temple. “Of course, baby. But I’m happy Plum, I promise.” His lips brush against the skin on your cheek and you lean into him instinctively, turning your head to kiss him.

  
His fingers slowly make their way down to your thigh, brushing the fabric of your tights, making you feel the heat of his palm under it.

  
“Babe,” you whisper between kisses, your breath already hitching as his fingers get closer. His breath is leaving his lips heavy as he leans away from the kiss to let you speak, a small moan erupting from the back of his throat that mirrors one of your own as he cups your center. “Not here.”

  
“Chae’s with her girlfriend, she spends more time there than I spend here.”

  
“Debatable.”

  
He laughs before kissing you again. Momentarily, he stops touching you and you whimper slightly at the loss, but he grips your hips and helps you stand so you can easily straddle him while he sits on the couch. When you’re back on his lap, you grind a little on him and he groans, pulling your chest against his and kissing you hotly.

  
“God, I’m so fucking happy.”

  
His words tug at something in your chest. You suddenly feel overwhelmed, and want to say something, but all you can do is kiss him, tangle your fingers in his hair and pull him impossibly close to you.

* * *

  
  
The party had been mostly a nightmare. Hoseok seemed a little uncomfortable for a while but you kept brushing your hand over his back and kissing his cheek to make him relax and not be on such alert around his friends. The only people you know besides Hoseok, Jungkook, Yoongi and his girlfriend, and Jin and his boyfriend, are Jaden and his girlfriend.

His girlfriend’s friend had been glaring at you all night, so you found yourself escaping her wrath constantly and going to hide with Hoseok’s and Jungkook’s friends and their significant others. Fortunately, Jins’ boyfriend is also into films, so you found yourself deep in conversation with him for a better part of the night.

  
You let Hoseok spend time with his friends/coworkers unbothered, not wanting to be _that_ girlfriend, but you had lost him for most of the night, and you were starting to miss him. You wanted to hold his hand, or sit on on his lap. Something. Anything that meant he was close to you, maybe even peppering small kisses on your cheek.

  
Out in the backyard, you didn’t find him with the group sitting there so you decide to ask Jaden.

  
“Hey, have you seen Hoseok?”

  
“Oh, yeah, he went inside for beer I think.”

  
You nod a thanks and turn to leave, noticing how almost everyone is out here, except for your friends inside. And Jaden’s girlfriend’s friend.

  
Jungkook had eyed her earlier, so maybe she’d noticed and gone inside to see where it would go. Despite the looks she’d given you, you wouldn’t protest when your friend tries to get some.

  
You walk back inside and head to the hallway leading to the kitchen.

  
“Hoseok, are you-“

  
You don’t finish your question when you stop in your tracks, the words chocking in your throat when you step into the kitchen and find Hoseok pressed against the counter, the girl who’d been glowering at you all night flushed against him, her lips puckered as Hoseok pushes her away when he hears your voice. His eyes are wide as he stares at you. You can’t even find the strength to look away form his alarmed face when you feel your heart drop to the pit of your stomach with a shattering wave of nausea.

  
“Oh come on, you can’t be surprised. It’s Jung Hoseok, sweetie.”


	7. seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> each part gets smaller, sorry lol. part 8 will be the last part of this series. i don’t know when i will get the time to write it because i really need to focus on my final portfolios and exams, and something happened in my family that i really would like not to supress by spending so much time on the interenet (which i’m already kind of doing but also writing helps me a little with stuff like this and i want to allow myself to find things tht make me laugh so that i’m not too sad :/ ). i do want to see my family in teh midst of all my assignments so i won’t be able to dedicate much of my time to this story even though it is almost over. i plan the last part to be longer, i want to give these characters a proper ending, so it might be a couple weeks before i’m ready to post it, but you never know, i might need to escape into this story like i did today.

Defeated, Hoseok steps out of your bedroom, the sight of the slight shock in your tear-filled eyes imprinted on his brain even after you’ve closed the door on him, leaving him with his tears, regret, and a chest filling with so much pressure that he can’t breathe the longer he spends separated from you.

However, despite the pain filling every crevice in his heart, he walks away, and out of the apartment, unsure whether he has lost you this time.

* * *

 

Hoseok’s stomach dropped the second his eyes landed on her as she sat besides Jaden’s girlfriend. She’d given him a nod and a small smirk, which caused the pit of his stomach to twists uncomfortably. He reached for your hand then, and had pulled you closer to him and as both you and him greeted everyone. He tried his best to keep from looking over at her, not wanting to give her that satisfaction of knowing she makes him nervous. But Kristen always made him nervous whenever he saw her at parties. He’d know exactly where things would end when he saw her—fucking her onto the headboard of whatever room they found, where he’d feel regretful and nauseous immediately after. He’d tried avoiding her many times, not wanting to fall for her incessant belittlement that turned into arguments and into angry sex. She loved to remind him how he’d hurt someone by sleeping with her, she got off on it.

Now that he has a girlfriend again, he saw the look she’d given you and it made his blood boil. He wasn’t going to let her ruin this, not when you matter so much to him. Last time, it was different. He was a different person—a horrible person who didn’t know how to process his feelings or communicate better, and so he resorted to his selfish actions. He’s not perfect, and he knows he still has a lot of maturing to do when it comes to relationships, but what he does know is that he would rather cut his own arm off than hurt you.  

You’d realized something was off with him, and as sweet as you are, it warmed his heart when you started brushing his arm and back with your palm to soothe him. He’d leaned into you, turning constantly to brush his lips on your temple and cheek. A soft and silent thank you.

Hoseok has never really told you about Kristen, he thought he didn’t have to, but as she sat there glaring at you, he realized that was a mistake. He should’ve said something before, and he promised himself he would once the party was over and he was back in your apartment. Most likely after you’ve had sexual though, because he wasn’t going to ruin the mood. He already missed having you wrapped around him the way you were that morning, laden with sleep and giving him tired, slow, deep kisses. What he would’ve given to have one of those then, to make the anxiousness disappear and he could just breathe with your arms around him.

In just three months, Hoseok had grown so used to your warmth; grown to almost depend on your presence to be there when he was stressed about work or school, or when practice ran so long he’d be too tired to have sex, but he’d still want to feel you there, next to him. If he went a day without hearing your voice he’d feel off, and if he went longer than two days without touching you in someway he would grow a little desperate and start missing you.

Sometimes he’d meet you between classes and just smile and hold your hand as you went on about class or whether film you’d watched that had left an impression on you. God, he loved hearing you talk about films. You get this far away look on your face, your eyes glossy with wonder, and you smile almost non-stop while talking about them.

He would’ve turned to tell you if you could both leave the party and go back to yours so he could watch you watch a movie had he not promised Jaden he’d stay the entire night this time. Hoseok knows his friends don’t like that he doesn’t like partying anymore, and they want to blame it on you, but what they don’t know is that it has nothing to do with you specifically. He just doesn’t see the points to parties anymore. All the friends he has in his year are the same—they have to focus on graduating, and work, and careers. Plus, he has no need for them anymore, he’s not trying to fuck multiple girls a night, there’s nothing in that for him anymore. Jaden doesn’t understand that though.

Jungkook had caught up on Kristen glaring at you, so you didn’t protest much when he asked you if you wanted to go inside.

“Yeah, sure,” you’d whispered, then turned to give Hoseok a kiss on the cheek, but he’d turned to peck your lips. He’d noticed you’re not so fond of public displays of explicit affection. You’re okay it’s innocent kisses on the cheek, the shoulders, with embracing, or with hand holding, but you drew the line at kissing on the lips. You’d even let him put his hand on your ass, but not kiss him. He understood its most likely because it’s too intimate, and you especially didn’t want to do it when people you know are around, but he just needed to kiss you all of a sudden. You’d smiled and blushed a bit, brushed his hair out of his eyes and went inside with Jungkook.

“Dude, I’m sorry, I didn’t know she was gonna be here,” Jaden had leaned over to whisper once you were gone.

“It’s fine dude, I just hope she doesn’t cause me any trouble.”

“Want me to tell her to leave?”

“Jesus, no, she’ll be dramatic about it. I just don’t want to involve Y/N in anything, it’s fine.”

Hoseok managed to ignore her for a while, talked with his friends, not worried that Kristen would go bother you because she was deep in conversation with her friends. He eventually stood to get another drink from the kitchen because the cooler outside was empty. He didn’t notice that she’d followed him.

He was getting a cab from the fridge when he heard the heels clicking. Hoseok slammed the fridge door and turned to find Kristen walking towards him, her finger already twirling the tip of her light brown hair as it rested over her shoulder, because she’s always thought that it’s enticing. And maybe to some people it is, heck, maybe Hoseok used to find it enticing at one point, but now he’s just annoyed by her trying to wiggle her way back between his legs.

“What do you want Kristen?”

She’d giggled, if all reactions, she’d chosen that. “You always know what I want,” she’d whispered in that familiar soft tone Hoseok knew, but now made his skin crawl with uncomfortable goosebumps. Not the kind that you gave him when you touched him, or whispered to him in your soft quiet voice. No, not even close to that magnificent feeling. Far from it.

She moved closer to Hoseok and he stepped back, placing the can of beer on the counter beside him. He turned to look her dead in the eyes,  “Kristen, seriously, it’s not happening. Ever again, got it?”

At this she laughed, but it sounded more like a scoff than anything close to lightheartedness. “That’s what you said last time… and the four times before that.” She stepped closer to him, moving her hands to press against his chest and press him against the counter. “You can’t ever say no to me, Hoseok. You may feel guilty afterwards, but it’s always a pleasure isn’t it?”

Vile ran up his throat. He frowned and grabbed her wrists to pull her off him. “I have a girlfriend, Kristen.”

She scoffed again. “When has that ever stopped you, Hobi?”

God, it made it flinch, it made him gag inwardly at hearing her call him that, only  _you_  get to call him that now.

“Don’t call me that, and I’m serious Kristen, get the fuck off me.”

“Oh come on!” she insisted, then pushed herself against him, gripping his shirt by his hips, then leaning forward to kiss him. When he turned his face and she kissed his cheek, she grunted in annoyance, then grabbed his jaw with a hand and pulled him down. He tried pushing her off, but she was pushing herself against him so impossibly tight that the counter was starting to dig at his skin on his lower back. Then her lips where on his and he was doing everything he could to keep them shut but still trying to get her off him.

Then he heard you voice calling, and the panic rose inside his chest.

_She can’t see this, she can’t see this, fuck she’ll think-_

“— are you-“ and you stopped just as the adrenaline from hearing your voice had kicked in and he managed to garner enough strength to push her off, but not enough to hurt Kristen in some way. Or maybe she’d pulled away herself, the deed done.

All he knows is that it was all a blur. Kristen said something but he couldn’t hear it, he was looking at you. The hurt in your eyes, the way they traveled between the two then down to where she was still gripping Hoseok’s shirt made him stomach twist. He felt a pull in his chest so strong, he gasped, but your eyes were already getting full of tears, and you were walking away before he could even move his feet to run after you.

What could he even say that you’d believe? The truth, would you believe that? That she’d come on to him, that she’d… that she’d forced herself on him?

Your trust is so important to him, and he knows you don’t easily give it out, and here you are running away from Hoseok is sure looks like the perfect example to why you shouldn’t trust him.

Finally, he moved, and he ran after you, but you were already halfway out the door, your friends calling you over, clearly worried. He ignored them and ran after you.

“Y/N, please wait!”

“Leave me the fuck alone, Hoseok!”

You weren’t turning to look at him and it was killing him that he couldn’t see you. The panic was rising in his chest, chocking his words, prickling his eyes. “Please, baby, it’s not like that!”

Then you turned, to his surprise, your eyes were full of anger and it made his heart constrict in his chest, making his eyes close shut, not wanting to see you like this. He just wanted to hold you, tell you it wasn’t that.

“Don’t fucking follow me, Hoseok, I  _swear_.”

_But it’s not like that, it’s not like that at all._

* * *

 

The phone didn’t stop vibrating in your pocket while you sat, quietly crying during the Uber ride home. You didn’t even bother checking it when you got home, you just ran past Chaeyoung and her girlfriend, clearly about to get intimate on the couch, and slumped onto your bed after locking the door behind, the tears now dried. You sat there staring at nothing for maybe an hour or so, running that scene over and over in your brain, unsure of what to make of it.

Perhaps you shouldn’t have ran. Maybe you should’ve let Hoseok say something, but you couldn’t bring yourself to look at him without imagining his lips kissing her. And maybe more.

_What’s to stop him from cheating? You?_

Your brain is running at full speed, trying to figure things out. But you can’t: your throat is dry, eyes puffy, and lips cracked. Your chest is heavy and you feel like any second you could let out a sob if you had the voice left for it.

His words, saying he’s happy… the ways he looks at you. Something has been off for you, and maybe this is it. Maybe your subconscious was right: he’s infatuated with you, which means the minute he sees something else he wants he will take it, cutting ties with you so easily.

The thought alone makes something twist inside you, and a small sob escapes your lips so you pull the blanket over your face and shut your eyes.

How could you think that of him? He’d promised you he wouldn’t.  _He promised_. He said he would talk to you.

Yet here you are, running away from him, not even letting him speak… maybe they didn’t even kiss.

Maybe they were about to.

It’s clear you shouldn’t have ran now, but what were you supposed to do? Let that smug look on the girls face keep mocking you? You couldn’t help it, your instinct was to run away.

A knock on the door startles you and you start to panic, but then remember you locked the door behind you.

“Babe… is everything okay?” Chaeyoung asks.

You clear your throat but your voice still cracks when you speak. “Yeah, fine.”

“Okay… Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“H-he’s at the door.”

It’s as if your heart falls to the pit of your stomach. Instinctively, you stand from the bed and walk half-way in the direction of  the door.

“Should I let him in?”

You walk the rest of the way to the door and grip the handle, unlocking it. “Yeah.”

Chaeyoung’s feet paddle against the floor, the sound slowly fading as she walks away.

The bedroom is dark, you didn’t even bother turning on the lights, you just sat by the moonlight shining on your bed. You switch the light on, and as you hear shoes stepping quickly closing towards the door, you step back.

The door opens, his face the first thing to pop in searching for you. His face is in this permanent frown, his eyes red with remnants of tears. It hurts so much to look at him as he steps in, closing the door behind him.

Hoseok steps closer to you, and although you step back, your hands twitch to reach for him.

“I-it wasn’t what it looked like, please let me explain,” he whispers, his voice cracking, which causes your heart to constrict.

You nod slowly, and it surprises Hoseok. He gulps, his Adam’s apple moving up and down slowly, and he blinks a few times, as quick as the beats of your heart against your chest. The anxiety of looking at him, waiting for the words to come out of him, rises from the pit of your stomach. His lips part and he looks between your eyes, the frown softening, and for some reason, the look makes something lodge in your throat and you let out a small sob.

“You did kiss, didn’t you?” you manage to mumble, at which his eyes shut and you let out a small sob, stepping away from him.

“N-not like that,” he barely whispers, his voice hoarse.

“Like what then?” you ask, eyes blinking quick to rid them of the tears, his image already getting blurry in front of you. “Like what, Hobi?”

He flinches, and a small noise leaves his lips from the back of his throat, causing a twinge to go off from your chest to the tip of your fingers, wanting nothing but to reach for him.

“I swear to you, I  _swear_ , she kissed me, I didn’t want to kiss her,” he starts saying, his voice suddenly desperate as he steps closer to you and motions to reach for you, but he thinks better of it. He runs his hands through his hair, taking a deep breath, but he looks away from you. “I-I could never cheat on you,” he adds in a whisper, now looking at you again, his eyes watery, “how can anyone, ever…”

His words make you flinch.

_It’s when he talks like this… it sounds like he’s infatuated more than anything._

“I  _was_  cheated on, Hoseok.”

_What’s to stop anyone from cheating on me again?_

God, how could you say that? You know its not fair to think that, and you wish your brain didn’t do that, because it’s to fair to him, but when he says those things.

Hoseok shakes his head, “I won’t cheat on you, I swear, I’m not Yugyeom,” he pleads, his voice less desperate, but louder. With more conviction.

But the words leave your lips before you can think, “You’ve done it before, so what’s to stop you from doing it again?”

And you hate yourself for saying them, but there they are. What has been looming over your shoulder this whole time. Perhaps its not even about Hoseok, and more about you, but in this moment you can’t even think rationally about it because you can barely process what is happening. The hurt in his eyes makes a small sob leave your lips again, and you cover your mouth, looking away from him.

“That’s not fair, you know that’s not fair!” he cries out, anger clear in his voice. You cant even bare to look at him when you nod. “You can’t hold that against me forever. I know I fucked up then, and you  _know_  I’m doing better, please.”

Finally, you look at him and nod again, and wipe at your tears, the words stuck in your throat slowly untangling. “I know, I know. I’m sorry… but you can’t blame me for fearing… not when you just told me you kissed her.”

“Fuck!” Hoseok shuts his eyes and pulls at his hair, “It wasn’t like that Y/N, h-how do I even explain… I just,” the look on his face is so defeated and you want to reach for him but you suddenly cant move, “I just need you to know, and believe me when I say I’m not Yugyeom. And I’m not the guy I was before—he was a coward, like Yugyeom was. The circumstances were different, I didn’t love  _her_  and I didn’t know how to end it, you know this.” His eyes look between yours and a silence stretches between the two of you.

The emphasis he placed on the word “her.”

There’s this rising panic in his eyes and he reaches for you, whispering your name.

You step back.

“W-what are you saying?”

He frowns, as if he too is realizing his own words. “I… I’m saying I’m a different person from back then, that even if I didn’t love the person I’m with, I’d like to think I could handle my feelings better.”

You nod, wiping at your face again and walking off your frigid stance a bit, shaking your hands.

He’s being honest with you, the way he speaks, its clear that he’s changed. But have you?

You’re clearly still that girl who wanted Jung Hoseok to sleep around so you could have an excuse to not allow yourself feelings for him. You’re still scared, because even now, with his words almost saying… you wouldn’t be able to handle it.

Would it eve be true, though? Is he mistaking infatuation with something deeper?

You turn to Hoseok and he’s looking at you, expectantly. Waiting for you to say anything. Maybe he hopes you will end this fight and just hug him, and you wish you could, but your emotions are all over the place and you can’t think straight.

“I-I think we should take a break-“

“What?!” He walks over to you, shaking his head, “No, I didn’t cheat, Y/N, I didn’t!”

This time you actually reach for his face and cup it between your hands. “I believe you, I do Hoseok. Put it still happened, there was a kiss, and I can’t process any of this when there’s so much going on in my head.”

Hoseok holds you by the hips and pulls you close, “Then talk to me please, don’t end this.”

You shut your eyes, “I just need time to think Hoseok… we shouldn’t have… I should’ve worked through some things before diving into us.”

“We can work on that together, please don’t do this, I need-“ his forehead falls on top of yours and he holds you tighter, his warm hands burning through your skin. Your thumbs brush along his warm cheeks. “I need to explain what happened, I want us to talk, after we’ve calmed down, please?”

“I just… I need some time, Hoseok. Just give me some time, a few days.”

“I don’t want to lose you,” he whispers, his voice cracking. Your heart would shout if it could at the sound of his voice, your eyes flying open to look at him. “I love you.”

His eyes flutter open, the intensity in them making you blink a few times.

“Wh-what? Hoseok…”

He momentarily shuts his eyes, then pulls you closer. “Yes,” is all he says, as if reassuring himself.

“You don’t know what you’re saying.”

His eyes open and he searches your face again, taking in your shocked reaction.

You find yourself pulling away from his arms and staring at him, trying to comprehend what is happening. You run your hands through your hair.

“I say I need space to think about everything that is happening in this moment and you choose now to say you think you love me?” you don’t mean to sound so harsh, and it hurts when his eyes flinch and his own fingers tangle in his hair.

“I don’t  _think_ -“

“You can’t just say it because you think I’m going to break up with you-“

“Stop saying that I don’t know my own feelings, stop saying ‘you think, you think’ as if you know better than I do. Stop patronizing me because I’m not as experienced as you in this, but I know the difference between been infatuated with someone and loving someone!”

His words feel like a stab. That is exactly what you’re doing, but you can’t think straight when he’s standing here, looking hurt, desperate, and angry all at the same time. You want to please him but also yourself. For once, you wan to do something right. You want to think about your words before you say them to him, because you don’t want to hurt him further.

“Hoseok, I’m sorry,” you whisper, stepping closer to him, “I don’t mean to… I just… I need space. I need you to leave, and I need to think.”

He just about growls in frustration, running a hand through his hair, “Please, lets just talk. Let me talk at least, I don’t want to leave it like this.”

“Hoseok, I’m begging you, don’t make this worse. We both need some time to think, and then we can talk, please?”

He sighs, but nods nonetheless.  “Okay,” he says. “I just need you to trust me, yeah?”

Your stomach twists, but you nod. You walk over to open the door for him. When he steps besides you, you can feel his eyes on you, so finally you look at his him in the eyes, his dark brown eyes boring into yours, the emotion in them still making his eyes spark with tears left behind form earlier. “I do love you, Y/N.”

“Hoseok, please,” you choke out, “ _don’t_.”

You hate to do it, but you close the door on him as he looks at you, then burst into quiet tears as it all comes back to you, because deep inside you, past all the trust issues, the confusion, and the almost incapability to be completely honest with yourself, you know the reason it hurts so much to hurt him is because you feel the same way. Even if you can’t find the right words to say them.  


	8. eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: mentions of an abortion from a side character. 
> 
>  
> 
> This is the last part... it has only taken me two years to write, lol. I have known this ending for over a year, so I am really glad I finally got to write it. I was very nervous about posting this... I almost didn't. I also almost cut the whole second half, but at the end of the day, this is part of their story and it's important to me that I don't leave it unfinished. I hope you have enjoyed this story, thank you for reading.

The film plays in the background, like an echo in your conscience, the sound low on the television. The sound is a low, never ending whisper. You don’t even remember turning on the television, much less flipping the channels until you found the movie channel. Your eyes opened early in the morning, and you’ve barely gotten up from the bed. The phone sits far away from you, on the other side of the bed, on the nightstand. His side of the bed… his nightstand.

He spent so much time here, he had his own nightstand. If you open the drawer now, you’d find his beauty night product, the cream for his muscles—to soothe them after a long day of dancing. Probably some of his rings in there. Probably a beanie that smells like him.

You’ve been sleeping in his shirts for the past week. You’re being ridiculous, that much is clear. But not much else is.

It’s been two weeks since the fight, and you wish you could say that you’re ready to talk to him, but you’re not sure what you would say to him, how to even start that conversation. The end of the semester nearing and a new internship have kept you busy, that only now you’ve had the chance to wallow on your bed and run things through your head.

Your friends have been questioning you, but you brush them off, not wanting to say anything, because you’re not sure what else to tell them other than “We’re in a fight,” because then that would prompt for them to ask whether you’re breaking up and you’d rather not go there.

That’s not what you want at all.

But one thing has become clearer than anything else in these two weeks, you rushed into a relationship when you hadn’t even began to work on yourself after Yugyeom. There’s a lot of trust that was broken, and you never sat down with yourself and really thought about how he had affected you in that way. Hoseok deserved to start a relationship with someone who wasn’t going to hold his past over his head because of some deep-rooted insecurities. You fucked up, and you need to apologize.

Trust is hard to earn, and you know deep down Hoseok has your trust, but you can’t seem to push past the anxiety that creeps up at the idea of the person you are dating cheating on you, or not being honest. Hoseok has changed a lot, he’s matured, and he has earned your trust, but it does not change the fact that you both are not great at communicating. Hosoek tried though, while you were still confused, crying, and scared. He was desperate to keep you believing him, so much that he said… he said he loves you.

_Loves me… he loves me._

He called you out on you patronizing him about “love” when he had never been in love, at least not as an adult. He can’t blame you for being adamant on taking that as it was when you were in the middle of a desperate fight, both of you trying to get the other to listen.

You can’t lie though, not to yourself anymore. The way he looks at you, how he acts with you, the way he looked during and after your fight, if he didn’t love you he would not have acted that way. And if you didn’t love him, it would not hurt this much to be apart from him.

And its not just in the looks, it’s in his actions and how much he cares about you. It was clear he did not want to lose you… the more you think, the clearer things get.

A knock on your door startles you from your thoughts. You pull the blanket over yourself as you sit leaning on the headboard and mumble a “Come in.”

Jungkook’s head appears on the door looking for you, when he does he sighs and steps in.

“Come eat, we ordered dinner, babe.”

You shake your head. “I’m good, thank you.”

He shakes his head in exasperation and walks over to the bed and sits beside you. “You gotta stop moping, babe. Just go talk to him. You know he looks like a mess too?”

You frown, your chest giving a little twinge at the mention of Hoseok, “Yeah? Fuck… I just, I-I just don’t even know how to start talking to him. I know I should apologize but—“

“You’re afraid you’ll break up?”

You only nod, afraid to even say it out loud.

Jungkook gives you an understanding smile. “You guys will be fine. I have never seen him like this before. Just go talk to him,” he says, then he grips your shoulder and squeezes lightly, “and come eat some Thai food.”

* * *

 

The nerves rumbling over in your stomach are almost overwhelming as you walk over to the performing arts building. When you reach the lot, there’s a few benches spread out under trees so you go sit, to calm down a little as you wait for his class to let out.

You’re so lost in your own thoughts, and what you want to say to Hoseok, that you miss when Yugyeom walks up to you until he’s standing right in front of you. He goes to sit down and clears his throat.

“H-hey, uh, how have you been?”

You clear your throat too, turning to give him a small smile. “I’ve been alright Yugyeom… and you?”

He shrugs. “Good. Can’t wait to graduate. I got a job in Los Angeles ready for me once I do.”

You actually smile at him this time. “That’s great Yugyeom! Dance company?” He nods. “That’s amazing, I wish you the best of luck.”

“Thank you, I’m excited. The company I’m going to work for is going to be here during next week’s performance and I got the solo performance. The job is practically sealed, but this can really help when it comes to the position I want in the dance group I will join.”

You frown at his words, because for the longest time, you knew Hoseok had that solo performance. “Are there two solos?” Yugyeom shakes his head. “D-didn’t Hoseok have that?”

Yugyeom raises a brow, and you could swear the corner of his lip twitched, “Thought you knew, he lost it after he kept messing up in rehearsals. There’s something up with him because he’s been very unfocused and kept messing up. He’ll get a chance in the final performance to show off though.”

“Oh, uhh, I have to go Yugyeom,” you say suddenly, standing quickly and walking away before Yugyeom can say anything else.

God, if you could be more angry at yourself you would be. Hoseok has been so distracted because of your fight, it started to affect his performance. You can’t blame him, you’ve had to force yourself to focus plenty of times during the week, but you hate that it affected him so much.

The elevator takes forever so you decide to run up the three flight of stairs towards the lockers and rush past the dancers leaving, searching for Hoseok. You stop by the door after you don’t spot him and wait, however, you don’t wait much longer, as he walks out a minute later with his duffle bag over his shoulder, shaking his mildly wet hair.  

“Hobi?” The word slips out from your lips out of impulse, in a soft quiet voice that he still hears and causes him to stop in his tracks and turn in your direction just as you step closer to him.

“Y/N? Hey, oh my gosh,” he mutters as he steps closer to you, immediately his arms stretch out towards you and you step into his embrace. “Jesus, I’ve missed you so much, Plum.” His arms wrap tightly around you, his face buries in your neck and he breaths in so deeply you feel the tightness around your ribs.

“I’ve miss you too, Hobi.” You turn your head slightly to kiss his head. “We should talk.”

“Yeah.”

He pulls back but does not let go of you completely. His hands run down along your arms, his right hand taking yours in his and intertwining your fingers before he pulls you over to one of the benches along the walls. The entire time, his eyes do not leave your person, he looks at every inch, and you do the same. You don’t even look away when the loud sound of his duffle bag dropping to the ground echos over the empty building.

Your gaze gets lost in the tanned exposed skin from the tank top he wears, then up to his tired face and the bags under his dark eyes.

“I heard you lost the solo, Hoseok, I-I’m-“

He’s shaking his head before you can even finish talking. His empty hand cups your face while the other pulls your hand over his lap and to press close along his abdomen. “It’s not your fault. I just couldn’t focus, I could have tried harder but I didn’t. I’m just glad we can finally talk.”

Your stomach twists uncomfortably but you take a deep breath and give him a small nod. His thumb brushes softly along your cheek.

“First of all, Hoseok… I’m so sorry. For everything. I’ve had a lot to think about in the past week, and I feel like… I don’t know. I think we might have rushed into this relationship, at least for me. You took the time to think about your feelings last winter, and I hadn’t really figured out how I was affected by Yugyeom.”

Hoseok’s eye twitches and he squeezes your hand. “You don’t trust me?”

Something gets lodged in your throat so you do your best to push it down. “Of course I do Hoseok, but there is something in me that just… it made me paranoid. I still have to work on that, and I will, but it can’t change over night. “

Hoseok frowns and he looks almost in pain. His hand falls from your cheek and nods. “Are you breaking up with me?”

You shake your head, and you want to say something but you can’t. The lump in your throat is so heavy you feel like you might choke. “God, no Hobi,” you manage to say in a low voice, “I love you, I don’t want to break up. I want us to work it out.”

You swear you see his eyes water as he frowns. He tilts his head towards you and blinks a few times. “Y-you love me too?”

“Of course, Hobi.”

His forehead falls against yours and you hear as he takes another deep breath when your eyes close.

“I swear to you, baby, I did not want to kiss her. She literally forced herself upon me and I pushed her away as soon as I could.”

You pull back and look up at him, and take the opportunity to wipe at your tears, “Where does she live? Does she come to this school? What’s her major?”

Hoseok chuckles, then reaches forward with his thumb to brush the scowl away from between your eyes. “Let’s just forget her and move on, okay. Let’s just focus on us?”

You nod, but the thought of someone forcing themselves on Hoseok like that really makes you want to go find them, it boils your blood a little. Hoseok is right though, you have to put her, and Yugyeom, behind you so you can move on and have a healthy relationship.

“Yes, let’s focus on this.”

Hoseok smiles, then goes to cup your face again, but this time he leans down to kiss you.

How you’ve missed the way his lips move softly between yours, kissing you with so much passion and adoration. His movements are slow and careful, like he wants to memorize every corner of your lips before he finally starts tasting the skin with his tongue. You feel it at the pit of your stomach the way he kisses you, and when your tongues meet, you can’t help the small moan that escapes the back of your throat.

Hoseok monetarily pulls back to mumble a short “I’ve missed you so much,” before he’s back to kissing you with so much purpose.

You pull back before he starts trying to pull you onto his lap. “Hoseok, we still need to talk. “

“I know.”

“I’m really sorry about what happened.”

Hosoek nods and pulls your hand up to his lips to kiss along your knuckles. “I forgive you. And I’m sorry for not giving you the space you needed. I should’ve known better.”

You watch as his lips run along your skin, his gaze focused on yours.

“We need to communicate more, don’t you agree?”

“I do,” he mumbles against your knuckles. Your skin tingles along your arm, and through your body to the point of feeling it in your toes.

“Hoseok?”

“Hmm?” He’s not looking at you anymore, his eyes focused on your fingers and hand, his other hand softly running his fingers along your tingling skin.

“What’s going to happen after you graduate?”

At this, he looks up at you, sitting back against the wall and gulping. “I, uhh, wanted to wait to tell you this but, I guess now is a better time than any.”

“Oh.” You feel suddenly anxious. He’s an amazing dancer, so good he probably got a job offer in New York, or in Los Angeles, maybe in Europe. Yet another bridge for your relationship to cross before you’ve even finished crossing this one.

“I got a transfer offer from the company I work for to New York,” he says, his tone even but low, almost afraid of saying it out loud.

You smile despite the way your heart pulls you in towards a feeling you do not want to feel after finally being with Hoseok. “That’s amazing, baby.”

Hoseok smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “I’m not taking it Y/N.”

Your heart leaps but you frown. “What, why not?”

Hoseok look away momentarily, taking a deep breath before looking back at you. “Look. I had a lot to think about this past week, but one thing I knew for sure as soon as they offered the transfer was that I needed to say no. I didn’t know what was going to happen between us, but a part of me knew you loved me back and that we would work this out—or at least try. I don’t want to leave when this is something special for me.”

You do your best to hold back any more tears but everything he says is so sweet and makes you feel so overwhelmed. You can’t believe he would even think of doing this for you.

“Hoseok, you can’t just say no to a job offer like this because of me. We can work it out. We can do long distance for a year, and then I can look for journaling positions in New York. I don’t want you to give such an important opportunity in your career up for me.”

He shakes his head, squeezing your hand once more. He wipes at your cheeks and tucks a hair behind your ear. “I’m not giving this up just for you, it’s for me too. I want this, what we have, and I want it to work. I’m not interested in some short romance, Y/N. I love you. I have never felt like this about any one before. Sure I’ve loved before, but this was in high school, when I was an idiot and didn’t know how to figure my feeling out. This, however, is different. You’ve become so important to me, I don’t want to fuck this up. This job opportunity in New York will be there next year, I won’t take the chance that you might not-“

“But I will Hobi-“

He smiles but shakes his head. “I’d rather work on us here. The company offered me to teach for a year, and then I can transfer. I’m not choosing my career over you, but I’m not going to choose you over my career either. I want both, but I’m compromising what is less important.”

“You have been working towards this your entire life, Hoseok,” you say softly, your voice cracking a bit.

“And I will be okay. I just can’t see myself living there without you. This journey, I want to have it with you.”

You can’t help but smile so big, despite the tears, and the absolute disbelief in what this man is willing to do just to make your relationship suffer a little less. “I love you,” you say before you pull him into the tightest hug.

“I love you too, baby.” He kisses along your neck and squeezes you against him, “Now, can we please go to your place already.”

You chuckle as you pull back, kiss his cheek, and then pull him to his feet.

“It’s not what you think! Perv! I need my face creams!” You give him a look as he stands, raising a brow in question, and he melts, laughing sheepishly. “Can you blame me? Those photos on my phone don’t do you justice!”

“Hoseok!” You practically shout, looking around and blushing despite the empty hallways.

He continues to laugh as he wraps his arm around your waist, pulling you down the hall with his face buried in your neck, too busy to care if you both trip.

* * *

 

The day you meet Hoseok’s family is the day of his graduation. His mother is instantly obsessed with you—never failing to mention how you’re the very first person he has ever introduced to his family as a girlfriend. His dad is a lot quieter, not much to say to you, especially after he finds out you’re also a liberal arts student—he practically rolls his eyes. Explains why Hoseok rarely mentions him. However, his father does cry when his son’s name is called out, and tells him he’s proud of him when you meet him I after the ceremony.

Jin, Yoongi, and Namjoon are here too, being flanked by Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook who can’t seem to stop laughing at Yoongi and pointing at his outfit—or lack-there-of under his gown (or so you might’ve heard).

Then, it’s a blur, and summer is spent working on your internship while Hoseok teaches summer dance classes to high school students. He’s happy though, and you’re happy, and in the end that’s all that really matter. Moving to New York, to wherever, will come later, once you have your degree, and you can both go into this journey Hoseok wanted to wait for you to finally have.

* * *

 

—THREE YEARS LATER—

The last time you were a fraction this nervous, and nauseous, was during your very first college party. Nervous because you thought that cute boy from your intro to sociology class was going to be there, and then the nausea had come much much later that night, once you had taken too many drinks. Thinking back, the last time you were this nervous was when you thought you had lost Hoseok forever, back in college--but even that did not involve nausea.

This is nothing like that though, but you can’t help but think about what it was like to be nineteen and still in school, unaware of all the amazing things you would some day get to do. 

Three years after graduation, you’ve lived in New York for two years, half a year in London for a special project for the journal you work for—which was one of the best experiences you have had, even though you had to live far away from your loving boyfriend who almost seemed to have suffered more than you—and then moved back home for the rest of the year while Hoseok and you figure out where to go next. He was offered a transfer to Seoul, and you one to Los Angeles, but you’re both unsure of where to go. The only rational decision was to come back home, be with friends and family, and try to figure out where would be the best place to live together—because after that London move you have both found you can’t really live away form each other for long.

Communication is perfect—almost too perfect because either of you is willing to move to each other’s re-locations, but you can’t seem to choose which would be best.

But now, the tiny two pink lines glare at you—one softer than the other.

You wouldn’t be fretting if you didn’t look over to the sink of your childhood restroom, filled with ten other pregnancy tests saying the same things, dawning this on you.

That’s when you hurl again.

Hosoek has been out with your friends for a while, and you said you’d meet him after you did “a thing” and that thing was figure out why the hell you have been so nauseous and why your period has been so late.

Well, now you know.

You can’t even figure out if the sweat dripping down your forehead is from nerves or from throwing up so much.

You don’t even know how you’re going to tell Hoseok, but you have to, right away.

You pull out your phone and dial his number, not even bothering to unlock it to find his contact. “Hoseok?”

“Whoa, what’s with the full name, baby, you okay?”

You clear your throat and school your voice to keep stable. “I need you to come home Hoseok, right now.”

“Are you okay?” You hear shuffling and sudden worry in his voice, and you hate to do this to him, but you don’t want to lie because you’re absolutely terrified.

“I-I’m not, please come home, baby.”

“Shit, fuck,” you hear something banging on the other side of the phone, “I’ll be right there baby.”

He must have been driving too fast, because it doesn’t take him long to rush upstairs and find you sitting on the bed, fiddling with your fingers and several pregnancy tests sitting beside you.

“Babe, what’s wrong, are yo-  _what the fuck are those_?!” He practically shouts, jumping back a little as he points at the tests. “a-are those what I think they are?” 

You don’t want to look at him, but you do. He’s blurry through the tears but you nod. His eyes are wide and his lips part, but he’s speechless.

“I-I’m pregnant.”

“I’m getting as vasectomy-“

“Hoseok, please-“ you practically sob.

“Fuck, I’m sorry baby, you know I don’t mean to make a joke, I just… fuck.”

Finally, he moves and rushes towards you, falling to his knees between your legs and taking your face in his hands, quickly wiping at your tears.

“Baby, h-hey, hey, it’s okay.”

But it’s not. Finally seeing him makes your chest collapse in on itself, and you start sobbing. “Hoseok. I-I don’t know what to do.”

“Shhh, baby, it’s okay, it’s okay,” he says softly, wiping rapidly at the tears that can’t seem to stop. “It’s gonna be okay, I promise, I’m here.”

Your stomach turns in on itself—at least it feels like it—and you almost want to hurl again, but Hoseok stands, then takes you in his arms and sits with you on his lap on the bed.

“It’s alright baby, we’ll figure it out. We will.”

He starts brushing your hair, and soothingly brushes his hand along your cheek and down to your neck, over and over, as he whispers things in your ear to calm you. He keeps whispering, constantly pressing his soft lips along your cheek and nose to reassure you that he’s there, lovingly and fully supportive no matter what. And even if you didn’t believe it through his touches, he makes sure you know, once you have calmed down and the tears are dry.

“Babe?”

You sniffle but look up at him, “Hmm?”

His eyebrows are furrowed but his eyes look soft and gentle as his voice. “Whatever you want to do, I will support you no matter what, okay?”

You can’t really say anything, except look at him and nod.

“I know how you used to feel about this, but it’s your body, and whatever my love decides, I’m there. I know this shit is scary—fuck, I’m scared for you—so let’s just sit here and hold each other, and then you can think it over. We can talk if you want, or I can leave you alone to think, yeah?”

You nod again but start crying again. Until you reach up to kiss him. You kiss him so hard and so passionately you completely forget you were crying.

But hoseok wipes at your tears as he keeps kissing you and cupping your face. Then his hands are all over you, and you’re pushing him backwards onto the bed and crawling over him, kissing him with tongue, over and over, then tasting every bit of skin you can find. You lose yourself in him, as he does with you, and whatever worry you had is pushed to the back of your mind as you lay with Hoseok and his unconditional support, loving every bit of him.

It’s not until much later, when you can’t sleep, that you finally bring it up.

“I think…. I think I want to talk to my mom,” you say into the darkness of your room. You feel hoseok holding you beside you, not once does his hold waver.

His hands smooth over your side and he kisses your temple. “Right now?”

You nod. Then you’re both standing up, putting on pajamas and walking downstairs with your fingers interlocked.

They’re both standing about the kitchen island with mugs in their hands, laughing at something your father just recounted. When they see the faces on their daughter and her boyfriend however, they completely stop and put their mugs down.

“What happened?” your mother asks.

“If he proposed to you and you said no, I am giving you up for adoption and then adopting Hoseok.”

Despite the topic at hand, you actually chuckle, and you hear Hoseok try to hide his.

“No I did not propose.”

“Then what’s with those scary faces?” your father asks.

You look at your mother, her eyes look over your face, then down to your stomach. Then its strange—her head tilts and her face contorts into this understanding frown, then she’s walking over around the island and towards you.

“My god, you’re pregnant, aren’t you.”

You only nod, before you’re crying quietly into your mother’s arms.

“Holy shit,” your dad says quietly.

“Yeah,” Hoseok adds.

Your mother pulls you back and looks at you, really looks at you. “Okay, let’s sit.”

After you’ve told her how many tests you have taken once you calmed down, and how you’ve been feeling.

Hoseok stands behind you as you sit by the island, his arms over your shoulders and his chin resting atop your head.

“What do you guys want?”

Before you can say anything Hoseok whispers, “What is best for her. What she wants.”

Your mother smiles at him, nodding, then turns to look at you. You feel scrutinized but you don’t look away.

“I don’t know, mom. I’m confused…”

She looks over at your dad, who’s already looking at her and walking over towards her.

“I have to tell you something sweetheart.”

You frown, but nod, listening intently.

“When I was nineteen—your father twenty—we were obviously still in college and had a whole life to look forward to. Unfortunately, two weeks into the fall semester, your grandmother died. I was absolutely broken,” your mother’s voice cracks and it vibrates against your chest, aching for her. Hoseok holds you tighter. “I lost sight of who I was and I was absolutely inconsolable. My depression was so bad. I started having panic attacks and this overwhelming anxiety that sometimes kept me away from school. I was in academic probation and a D away from being kicked out of school.”

Your dad walks up beside her and holds her against him.

“Your father was there for me, and if it wasn’t for his friendship, I would have probably given up on myself completely. He became my everything. I was already in love with I’m, of course, but it was awful that it took such a tragedy for us to actually get together.

And it doesn’t matter how safe we were—we used condoms and birth control, as I’m sure you did?”

You nod, unable to say anything. You were as safe as always, and yet.

This story you have heard many times before, but you’re sure what she’s about to say is something they have kept form you for years.

“Well, all of that wasn’t enough one time, and I accidentally got pregnant. I hope you understand that I was still struggling with depression. I had started to go to therapy, and things were making sense but I had a lot to work though. My panic attacks weren’t going away any time soon, I was struggling with school, and it was just not something that your father and I were ready for. I certainly did not want to continue with the pregnancy in fear of growing a child I would one day grow to recent and dump all my anger on for being born in the worst time of my life. It would not have been fair to that child, to me, and your father.”

You nod, still unable to say anything, but completely shocked that they never told you about this.

“I did what I felt was best for me. I had to be a responsible adult and realize that I wasn’t prepared and I could not be a responsible parent. That I could really damage a child that would come out from continuing the pregnancy—a child that would not deserve to have another who was suicidal and struggling with so much.

But honey,” her tone suddenly changes, and the softness is gone. “It does not fucking matter if I had mental health problems or not. If I did not feel prepared to accept the challenge and honor that is to raise a human being, then I should not risk putting someone through something they have no control over.”

Hoseok’s arms unfold from around you but he touches your head, running his fingers through your scalp, and down until he’s brushing your hair to the side, so he can rest his face beside yours.

“So what you have to ask yourself is, ‘Am I ready for this? I did not plan for this, but am I mentally, physically, emotionally, and economically prepared for this?”

Your dad clears his throat and speaks for the first time. “You’d have us here to help, but at the end of the day you both know, this is your responsibility. You’re two very independent people so I know you know this. Postpartum depression can be genetic, just like depression itself, which his why we took you to therapy early on. So if you do this, you need to seek help early on and make sure you’re healthy. No matter what decision you make though, you need to seek help, just so you can deal with whatever decision in a healthy way.”

Hoseok nods along with you.

All four sit staring at each other for a beat, until you quietly say “Thank you,” to your mother who only smiles and nods, then finally picks up her mug to take a long sip.

You look up at Hoseok who stares at you, finding your eyes and nodding. “Let’s talk about it tomorrow. You need sleep after tonight, come here.” You turn to your parents once more, smiling at their smiling and nodding faces, then let Hoseok drag you out of the room.

Not before you hear your father say “I always knew I would be a grandfather, but I thought it would be later in life.”

“It could still be later in life, so hush up before she hears you, our baby is already confused. They’ll figure it out.”

The next morning, you wake to Hoseok brushing your arm as you rest on top of his chest, listening to his heartbeat.

“You never pictured yourself getting married and with kids,” he says, his voice heavy with tiredness.

“I didn’t. Did you?”

His other arm moves from resting behind his head to cup your face with his warm palm. “Not really. Definitely not in any traditional way.”

“What do yo mean?”

“I wan to travel more. I want to work in Seoul one day, and I want to work in LA, even if for one project. I want t go to so many places, before coming back home to teach and grow old and die before you because if you die first I’m gonna kill you.”

You can’t help but giggle at his comment. Your hand moves along his naked chest until your fingers are touching along his jaw. He tilts his head down to kiss your fingers, then turns to kiss your head.

“I want to go to Seoul. We should go there soon. Then we can go to LA.”

You feel as he nods. “Seoul contract is for a year and a half, then we can go to LA for a couple years.”

As he says this, you sit up to look at him, causing his hand to fall to your neck, his thumb brushes along your jaw. “That sounds great.”

“I’ll research hospitals,” Hoseok says and you can’t help but smile at the way that he knows how you feel, and what you are thinking, before you even say it. You nod and lean forward to kiss his jaw. “But we have to come back home before she turns into an annoying Los Angeles spoiled brat.”

* * *

 

—FIVE YEARS LATER—

“I swear to—Jesus Christ, Chae, get over here! We’re gonna miss our flight!”

Hoseok jogs over along the small isle, tailing after the giggling almost-five-year-old and you watch as she runs up to you, two packets of mini Hershey’s in her tiny fingers.

“Mommy, mommy! Daddy said no chocolate but you promised!”

You pick up the little rascal. Her hair has started to fall from the braid you put her hair in early this morning so you brush it away from her face. She holds tightly onto you, hiding the two packets of chocolate between your bodies, tucked under your chest.

Hoseok catches up to you and shakes his head. “She’s gonna be the death of me.”

You laugh, then lean forward to kiss his cheek. “Sorry, but I did promise Chaeyoung chocolate.”

“Told you,” she whispers, then sticks her tongue out to her dad.

“Hey! You brat!” Despite the tone, Hoseok grins that blinding smile that, luckily, his daughter inherited from him, then leans down to plant several wet kisses on her tiny cheek.

When he pulls back, he looks at you. “This move, if it was a day later, I think we would be taking her home spoiled rotten.”

The laugh leaves your lips immediately at the memory, then you lean up to kiss him on the lips, despite the short “Ewww mommy, gross,” you hear beside you.

“Can we go, we’re gonna miss our flight and I want to see auntie Chaeyoungie already.”

“Uncle Jungkook said he had a present for you though, you don’t want to see him first?”

You slap Hoseok’s arm, “It’s like you want Chaeyoung to have your head on a platter. She has dibs.”

“I like dibs cause they have ice cream in them but are also chocolate,” little Chaeyoung says, her hand lost in the tangle of your hair, scratching the back of your head like she does when she’s scared about flying.  

Hoseok laughs and gives her another kiss as you reach the cash register. “You’re the cutest.”

“Mommy is cuter though, hu daddy?”

“Mommy is beautiful,” he says, his eyes finding yours and you smile despite the blinding from his own smile, “and she’s sweet, like a plum.”


End file.
